To think that MN has become unspeakably horrible lately

[wanderings]

Yes, I know there's a pandemic on, don't we all. But in the last week or two, Mumsnet has become truly vile, it feels worse that it was at the start of lockdown. There have been threads where people have really piled on the OP, where really vile comments were allowed to stand for a long time. People have started so many "holier than thou" threads which look as if they want a bunfight. Don't tell me it's "robust debate": there has been a lot of blatant cruelty going on, with people kicking the OP when she is down.

And perhaps also it should change its name from "Mumsnet" to "Masknet". Every other thread is about the bloody masks. It's bad enough having the reality of them, without having to talk about them all the time. Could they be quarantined in the Coronavirus topic where they belong?

Mumsnet used to be a place to come to for escapism, and light reading; it makes you long for the threads about loo brushes and shoes off in the house. There's also been a real drought of fun threads, such as nostalgia ones. I've tried starting some of my own in the last couple of weeks, which have only had a few replies.

I would have ended this with "flame away", but that would make it look as if I was looking for a bunfight.

I only tend to dip in and out of AIBU, as it all too often tends to turn into just an attack on the OP. I usually stick to the feminism board and telly addicts.

It is now the 'summer holidays' though, that might make a difference.

@LouiseTrees

I semi agree but rather than pile on... let’s talk about Sun Lolly... why are those glorious pyramid shaped lollies only sold in Denmark now?

I'm danish, are sun lollyes any good? Checked and we can get them here, perhaps I should start a delivery service .

They claim it's because it's anonymous then they can be 'honest'. Nasty more like. I started a thread a while back about being proud of my parking. While most were happy with me a decent proportion told me I shouldn't be driving. FTMs like me asking what is probably a stupid question I've seen them piled on and I now have to keep myself away from threads for mums asking for tips on bottle feeding because they always descend into how selfish the new mother is for not breastfeeding her baby. As if having a new born isn't hard enough without people being dicks. I certainly hadn't noticed it before but I sure it was there. I just didn't have a baby so couldn't really help.

@LouiseTrees ahhhh lovely Sun Lollies! On the subject of stuff you can't get in the UK any more, I wish I could still buy Lila Pause chocolate bars ... such delicious bastards 😋

There's always been an element of it, but when I first joined prior to penis beaker the aggressive posters were a minòrity and there was straight talking in a civilised way and a lot more silliness and humour.

There are phases of shake-ups.

Hacking changed the tone as people began to name change more and some community element was lost.
Certain topics attract outsiders with an agenda to push. MN is generally femminist, but there is an increased backlash of appologists and other agendas against the general tone.
Brexit was very divisive and that seemed to leech off across other topics. Wider society, politics and wokeness seem to make everything more polarised and tribal even when it doesn't need to be.

Then the bomb of Corona virus on top. I'll admit to having far, far too much time on my hands and dwindling much of it away on MN. As a SAHM with school age kids who haven't been to school since March, and losing all the external structure to my life, MN is what I can cope with doing to pass the time while constantly keeping an ear open to monitor that the DCs haven't gone from play fighting to fraticide. Plus my usual taste in dystopian/ fantasy fiction is a bit too much like documentary

There have been some horrendous pile ons since March. Ironic after all the #bekind in February. People torn apart for taking SN children to a beach 5 miles away, walking in empty fields, leaving brownies on a doorstep, berating new, vulnerable mothers for missing the support of baby groups on maternity leave.

Generally the tone is improving. More people are challenging the nastiness. There are cycles of events stirring the nest, schools going back, masks at present. Between these rounds of stirring it settles back a little closer to normality. There are definitely more varied and random posts including the light-hearted type that there was a severe lack of 3 months ago. As normality creeps back, and people's perspectives creep back to normal and the
majority of people have stopped seeing DEATH and MURDER everywhere, the tone on the site creeps closer to something normal.

I was mocked for a spelling mistake and I'm dyslexic. Made me feel like shit.Ppl say a lot of nasty things that they wouldn't dare say to you in real life because they are behind a keyboard.

I think it’s just representative of the country as a whole.

I agree. Threads tend to reflect what is concerning people at any moment in time. Like it or not, there is a Pandemic happening at the moment which concerns people. Some more than others.

The best thing is to only read threads that interest you. Ignore those that don't. Or start a positive one yourself! There is a choice.

Not just MN but everywhere you look is like that. I do agree as it’s more harsh. I have several issues with the neighbours and once I posted (under a different username) and responses were awful and I felt I was being piled on. I deleted my account and only rejoined in lockdown. So no it’s always been like this lockdown not made it worse.

Yep. Nasty!

“Unspeakably horrible”? OP you have led a sheltered life, otherwise you would have some better perspective

I once posted about a very delicate family issue - a member of my family has on 2 occasions got really drunk and started fights with people - one time my husband she swore at him. I posted this and said how embarrassed I was as my sister just overlooks her behaviour and spoils her. I wanted advice on how to tackle issue with sister and I made the mistake of including my ethnicity and people just piled on saying “well this is British culture, young girls get drunk and swear, nothing wrong with this! maybe move back to your own country where you can control this”. What a ridiculous thread most people were saying the same and only few people were saying no it’s not British culture to swear at your family and get blind drunk. It caused a huge divide and mumsnet in the end agreed to take it down as it was getting vile and very racist!

I think the best thing is never to include your skin colour or ethnicity as people will then use this to attack you and your thoughts. I wish I could have posted without my ethnicity as I really needed advice on how to deal with it.

Mumsnet has always had its vicious side. Not much has changed and I agree it merely reflects the weird times we're living in. I have a special hatred for the spelling and grammar twats who ignore posters' issues and focus on errors in their writing.

It's been a brilliant resource of support to me at times though. Flawed as it is, I have no desire to leave it at all.

I agree but also seeing it on Facebook etc as well.
I get that people feel frustrated and scared for the future, but it’s like the country’s collective patience is snapping and it’s sad to see.
Aibu has always been brutal but some of the stretches to make an op unreasonable are becoming ridiculous.

I'd be up for some of your fun threads op!

You also have to realise that what some idiots always advise people they would actually not do the same themselves in real life.

Yes, I'm getting a bit sick of it too.

The mask threads are on a par with the covid threads where anyone who dared suggest lockdown was hard on them mentally was compared to a selfish murderer who was killing people by merely expressing sadness about lockdown.

I saw people wish death on people's children simply for saying they found lockdown hard which I think is utterly despicable and despite reports, MN HQ didnt remove them which disappointed me greatly. Wishing death upon someone simply because they expressed lockdown sadness is beyond the realm of what I consider to be "normal behaviour" and its actually really worrying that people can say such vile things so carelessly. I hate the fact these people are in our society.

I've been here 15 years on and off, it's always been vile in large parts, which is why I've had breaks.

What I don't like now, is the HQ paranoia and the way they control what can/can't be said.

Always up for a fun thread
MN is my escape from reality and i tend to lurk in tv/household/chat/with the ninjas/cat cafe
There seen to be so many at the moment who if they haven't personally experienced it-then it's a lie which is not helpful to anyone

@sst1234 Thanks for appearing to prove OP's point perfectly! It's these belittling comments that are so nasty and pervasive. You get very few outright abusive posts, but pages and pages of this shit.

Personally, although I still use Mumsnet, I've also branched out into other forums recently which has helped reduced the vitriol I read. Reddit for specific interest groups is great, although worse than Mumsnet in some of the general ones, mums chat is a small friendly place to be but quieter and mse forum can also be pretty good too, although everything is brought back to money as you'd expect.

[quote Shurl]@sst1234 Thanks for appearing to prove OP's point perfectly! It's these belittling comments that are so nasty and pervasive. You get very few outright abusive posts, but pages and pages of this shit.

Personally, although I still use Mumsnet, I've also branched out into other forums recently which has helped reduced the vitriol I read. Reddit for specific interest groups is great, although worse than Mumsnet in some of the general ones, mums chat is a small friendly place to be but quieter and mse forum can also be pretty good too, although everything is brought back to money as you'd expect.[/quote]
Glad you found somewhere where everyone tells you what you want to hear.

There are some really nasty threads on MN. I find that staying out of Feminism has made a world of difference to my MN experience - unfortunately the attitudes there pop up across the site so you can't avoid it all. AIBU and the Covid forums have bad moments too, as do most things to do with step children or surrogates.

The "shoes on or off in the house" threads were always pretty vicious with accusations of living in filth on one side of rudeness and inhospitality on the other.

I find some of the judgement about others perceived nastiness is worst. Someone posts something they need to chat through, they know they're not being entirely reasonable (which is why they want to talk about it here rather tha IRL) but they also have justified, human reasons for how they're feeling and people will pile on being really nasty about how judgemental or selfish OP is being, whilst pretending that they're far to decent to have the awful unkind feelings OP is going through....

Mumsnet has not changed overall. Our perception has changed during this pandemic.

I think it’s just representative of the country as a whole.
A lot of people aren’t feeling all that fun atm. And a lot of people are struggling mentally, which can come out as aggressive/depressive/ anxious behaviour.

Yes!! At some point, some researcher or other will probably conduct a helpful study using Natural Language Processing and say something about shifts in mood and anxiety levels etc. and what people were discussing. Can you think what this will mean to future (medical) historians or epidemiologists?