After 8 years of being at home baby rearing (DS8, DS5) I'm finally feeling like I want to cultivate a social life again. Nothing flash, just visiting friends in their homes, attending hobby workshops and events and going to pubs when they're open again properly. My husband of 12 years recently gave up his career as a musician so we can start a business together. He is at the opposite end of the sociability spectrum as he says he has worked in pubs 3 nights a week for 20 years and wants to have some time at home relaxing.
My idea of a good time is sitting having a really in depth chat with a few friends and maybe watching live music or having dinner together. I have started to do this maybe one or two nights a month as well as dog walks with friends etc during the week, totalling maybe 6 things a month without him. We work, live and parent together 24/7 other than that. We also see family and mutual friends together a couple of times a week, usually at our house.
However, my husband seems to be putting up increasing barriers to me doing this. I make dinner before I go and clear up, so all he has to do is put the kids to bed, enjoy his solo evening and go to bed. He has asked me to stay until the kids are in bed before but I firmly said no to that. He's now said he worries if I'm out late and can't sleep, to which I said I would text the address of where I am if it's a friends house, and would send a message if I'm going to be later than midnight. Because me and my friends are the sort who chat a lot, sometimes if the wine is flowing it gets pretty late, like 2.30am. I always text when I'm leaving. He has now said he would prefer if I chose to be considerate with the time I come home, as after midnight disrupts his sleep. He insisted it wasn't a curfew but said it's ignorant to wake someone up in the night.
Last night, I visited an old friend of more than a decade in her home. The wine flowed, the chats continued until 1am. I sent a message home saying I'd probably be another hour, his phone was off. I wasn't drunk, we shared 1 bottle between us all evening.
Upon my return home, our dog barked once. Otherwise I was really quiet and got ready outside the bedroom. He was sitting up in bed, furious, saying I'd woken him up. It was 2.15am on a Saturday morning, neither of us had anything to do this weekend. I apologised and got straight into bed. He continued to berate me, saying it was really fucking selfish of me to ruin his sleep and go against what he asked of me. It got to 4am and he was still furious, he shook me awake and called me a selfish cunt for waking him, and that going out late is a sign of a midlife crisis. He dragged the covers off me and told me to fuck off downstairs. I didn't budge and just lay there. This happened twice more until 5am when he finally passed out. The kids came in at 7 and I took them downstairs, made breakfast and kept them entertained until 11.30 when he surfaced. I made him a cup of tea and he made lunch for himself and the kids before announcing he was going out. I asked if he wanted dinner later and he said "I'll say yes then swan in at 4am", then walked out. He took the car and is still out, no message or anything. So there you have it. Extremely detailed as I don't want to skip any relevant facts. Am I selfish and entitled or is that controlling behaviour from him?