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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be disappointed by this 40th birthday gift from my friends?

408 replies

bdaydisappoint · 25/07/2020 19:43

Basically, I've known this particular group of 8 friends including me since school (almost 30 years now!!) and I'm the last of the group to hit the big 40. We had a lovely socially distanced picnic in the park yesterday where they excitedly gave me... a gift box full of Tropic stuff.

One of the girls has recently become a Tropic ambassador and honestly, she's become quite obsessed. It feels like every conversation winds back to Tropic somehow and she keeps asking everyone if they'd like to host pamper parties (so much fun and a great chance to catch up with wine if nothing else! Hmm). I dislike all MLM type selling on principle so have always excused myself from the parties (all via Zoom in this covid-19 world). However, I haven't outright told her I'm not interested, so tbf she won't know my true feelings on it.

There's two reasons I feel a bit let down. Firstly, it's just so generic and impersonal. For all of the other girls' 40ths, we've tried to give gifts personal to the birthday girl in question e.g. the gin lover got a fancy gin masterclass, the musical theatre fan got tickets to a West End show (obviously these were pre-pandemic), the avid reader got a book subscription etc etc. A skin care set just isn't, well, 'me' really. I'm not especially into beauty stuff and I've never expressed a desire to try tropic. Secondly, it just irks me that my Tropic selling friend has probably got paid commission and this might be the main reason for the gift choice. It's not about the money (knowing how expensive Tropic stuff is, I think they've actually spent a lot! Blush) it's more the lack of thought considering we've made an effort to do personal presents for everyone else. And also having MLM products forced upon me when I've been actively avoiding them! Sad

AIBU and a horrible, terrible and ungrateful friend? Or am I right to feel disappointed by this? For info, I tried not to let my feelings show and did thank them all. In the end, it was a minor blip in what was otherwise a truly wonderful day.

OP posts:
CodenameVillanelle · 27/07/2020 13:48

@MummyMayo1988

I think YABU! If you've never tried pamper stuff - how do you know your not into it?! I reckon you should set aside a Friday night; open a bottle if wine, munch your fav chocolate/sweets and go to town with the products! If one of the pamper items takes your fancy; the the gift will not have been in vain. You should at least give it a try!
🤮
GnomeOrMistAndIceGuy · 27/07/2020 14:02

Does the word "pamper" set anyone else's teeth on edge?!

cameocat · 27/07/2020 14:09

@GnomeOrMistAndIceGuy
Oh god I hate it! The word Pamper should s only be associated with the nappy brand!

Thisismytimetoshine · 27/07/2020 14:14

@GnomeOrMistAndIceGuy

Does the word "pamper" set anyone else's teeth on edge?!
God, yes.
Thisismytimetoshine · 27/07/2020 14:15

It puts me in mind of lapdogs or coiffed poodles with bows in their hair, for some reason.

NameChange84 · 27/07/2020 14:24

I detest the word. Unpleasant sounding and patronising when said usually.

AryaStarkWolf · 27/07/2020 14:46

Yeah the fact that everyone else got well thought out gifts (nothing to do with money) is what would piss me off as well. And the opportunistic-ness of seller friend as well

Lucky2Be · 27/07/2020 15:08

These are your friends and have known you for 30 years. They should really know you and what you’re into. I’d be gutted too. YANBU

Arrivederla · 27/07/2020 15:48

@MummyMayo1988

I think YABU! If you've never tried pamper stuff - how do you know your not into it?! I reckon you should set aside a Friday night; open a bottle if wine, munch your fav chocolate/sweets and go to town with the products! If one of the pamper items takes your fancy; the the gift will not have been in vain. You should at least give it a try!
"Munch" is annoying me here almost as much as "pamper". Hmm
BrightYellowDaffodil · 27/07/2020 15:56

@MummyMayo1988 I've never tried stabbing myself in the eye with a rusty spoon but I'm fairly sure I wouldn't enjoy it - most fully functioning adults can gauge perfectly well what they will and won't like spending their time doing.

Are you a MLM bot? Hmm

Thisismytimetoshine · 27/07/2020 16:17

"Munch" is annoying me here almost as much as "pamper". Hmm
😄.
Personally "your gift will not have been in vain" is doing it for me 🤯

Thisismytimetoshine · 27/07/2020 16:18

What sort of skincare products require an entire evening to try them out, anyway?

Dizzib1 · 27/07/2020 16:49

Yanbu at all

I had my birthday in lockdown (end March)
I have 5 children and 3 are adults now, I got nothing! Only had 1 present of wine off my 20 yr old son’s girlfriend left on my doorstep.
My 2 younger children made me presents at pots to paint but still haven’t been able to go pick them up, but they made more effort than my grown up kids
Still feel hurt!

Mary46 · 27/07/2020 18:35

No doubt the Tropic lady got a good commission too.
Hurt for you op. Just a thrown together gift. My friend gave me a large yankee candle cash for London and rose body lotion. Alot thought put into it.

Choccylips · 27/07/2020 20:13

I would insist on giving all of them the same for their birthdays if they think it's so special. It would also give them food for thought.

NameChange84 · 27/07/2020 20:18

I would insist on giving all of them the same for their birthdays if they think it's so special. It would also give them food for thought.

Actually that’s quite brilliant.

For the next years Christmas and birthdays for all the friendship group, get them all Tropic from a different ambassador and see how they like it.

BSintolerant · 27/07/2020 21:26

Pamper parties? Sales parties? I’d rather have fleas. The attached sums it up! Grin

To be disappointed by this 40th birthday gift from my friends?
Mary46 · 27/07/2020 21:32

Very good BSintolerant Smile

goose1964 · 27/07/2020 21:52

If you want to know what goes on behind the scenes at an mlm then this will be interesting, it's about beautiful but they all w work in similar ways m.youtube.com/watch?v=WaOSRHlQYqI

Bex781 · 01/08/2020 10:13

I get that you night not like multi level marketing but as a friend you could at least support your friend. She is trying to make a living for herself. Multi level marketing isn't for everyone and that is fine. Would it really kill you to try some of the products she gifted you? You might find something you like? I know lots of people who do Tropic, bodycare etc and I always go to these people first if i am looking for a new product to support them personally. It's the whole shop locally support small businesses scenario. If you started up a business and this group of women didn't believe in it or even want to try any of your products or services would you not feel a little upset and hurt by your friends? Friends are supposed to support each other and it sounds like you are unsupportive of her because of your outlook on mlm schemes. They aren't all bad and you can get some amazing products, it's more about being open to try new things than what you are used to.

BSintolerant · 01/08/2020 10:34

Real friends should support each other. They certainly shouldn’t be treating each other as cash cows.

tabulahrasa · 01/08/2020 10:42

“It's the whole shop locally support small businesses scenario.“

Except is the exact opposite of that, the money is going to an international company...

“If you started up a business and this group of women didn't believe in it or even want to try any of your products or services would you not feel a little upset and hurt by your friends? Friends are supposed to support each other”

I did start a business, I didn’t need my friends’ support, because it’s an actual business, with customers and an income.

Friends are supposed to support you emotionally, not financially.

Norma27 · 01/08/2020 10:45

@Bex781 people in MLM have not started their own businesses. MLM is an extremely predatory, unethical business model and as such none of them will ever receive a penny of my money.
I would be very upset if I was in the op's position and would rather receive nothing than some MLM shit.

Norma27 · 01/08/2020 10:46

And ALL mlms are bad due to the business model. 99% of people recruited into them LOSE money. Absolutely despicable.

YouokHun · 01/08/2020 10:46

@Bex781 you’re wrong. Being signed up to an MLM scheme is not “you’re own business”. It means that the person is signed up as a commission only rep and the only way to make decent money is to sign up others, and lots of them. This is manipulative as it is not clear so many sign up believing they can sell products and they lose a lot of money. They also lose friends because of the underhand behaviour they start to employ.

Why should the OP support a friend who has used her birthday to get herself a big sale? Why should any of us support a big corporation by buying from a friend has failed to do her due diligence about the MLM business model. Please look at some of the links on this thread. All MLM are bad because they use the same business model which results in c99.7% of scheme sign ups losing money in real terms. mlmtruth.org