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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be disappointed by this 40th birthday gift from my friends?

408 replies

bdaydisappoint · 25/07/2020 19:43

Basically, I've known this particular group of 8 friends including me since school (almost 30 years now!!) and I'm the last of the group to hit the big 40. We had a lovely socially distanced picnic in the park yesterday where they excitedly gave me... a gift box full of Tropic stuff.

One of the girls has recently become a Tropic ambassador and honestly, she's become quite obsessed. It feels like every conversation winds back to Tropic somehow and she keeps asking everyone if they'd like to host pamper parties (so much fun and a great chance to catch up with wine if nothing else! Hmm). I dislike all MLM type selling on principle so have always excused myself from the parties (all via Zoom in this covid-19 world). However, I haven't outright told her I'm not interested, so tbf she won't know my true feelings on it.

There's two reasons I feel a bit let down. Firstly, it's just so generic and impersonal. For all of the other girls' 40ths, we've tried to give gifts personal to the birthday girl in question e.g. the gin lover got a fancy gin masterclass, the musical theatre fan got tickets to a West End show (obviously these were pre-pandemic), the avid reader got a book subscription etc etc. A skin care set just isn't, well, 'me' really. I'm not especially into beauty stuff and I've never expressed a desire to try tropic. Secondly, it just irks me that my Tropic selling friend has probably got paid commission and this might be the main reason for the gift choice. It's not about the money (knowing how expensive Tropic stuff is, I think they've actually spent a lot! Blush) it's more the lack of thought considering we've made an effort to do personal presents for everyone else. And also having MLM products forced upon me when I've been actively avoiding them! Sad

AIBU and a horrible, terrible and ungrateful friend? Or am I right to feel disappointed by this? For info, I tried not to let my feelings show and did thank them all. In the end, it was a minor blip in what was otherwise a truly wonderful day.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 26/07/2020 22:07

No, it sounds like something a slightly pervy male would say, tbh

Heh, are you saying I'm male? been called some things in my time man.... Grin

karalou2 · 26/07/2020 22:09

Thank you for your reply.... I remember 'pyramid selling' when a lot of people got their fingers burned!

Spotsandstars · 26/07/2020 22:12

I think you could privately be honest with your bot friend. There's a way to be nice but clear that actually you were hurt but the crass gift. Get her to understand that what she did was not ok, she probably hasn't even considered thus. To be message you and ask you to host a party is so cringe. If you are genuinely close friends then you should both be able to survive an honest talk and a small amount of criticism.

StoneofDestiny · 26/07/2020 22:38

Very outing OP!!

Well if it is - her friends are left in no doubt everyone on here thinks the gift is thoughtless and lazy.

Tropic 'parties' are just a snooze fest.

sausagepastapot · 26/07/2020 22:55

I’ve sent you a DM OP!

It’s always really disappointing when things like this happen Flowers happy
40th nonetheless Wine

Tomasinabombadil · 26/07/2020 23:31

Never heard of this brand, just googled and found this notification on their website

"from everyBody Love sold between
1st June and31st July 10%
will be donated to Mermaids"
GrinConfusedWinkShock

Mermaids are not real!!!!!

gamerchick · 26/07/2020 23:40

*Mermaids are not real!!!!!

Seriously? Confused

ktp100 · 26/07/2020 23:40

@Tomasinabombadil Mermaids is a charity that deals with transgender kids.

gamerchick · 26/07/2020 23:41

They are as well. I'd go fucking nuts if someone got me a gift that benefits mermaids.

Thisismytimetoshine · 27/07/2020 00:05

@gamerchick

No, it sounds like something a slightly pervy male would say, tbh

Heh, are you saying I'm male? been called some things in my time man.... Grin

No, you didn't say it. I was agreeing with you...
Pineappleheart · 27/07/2020 00:06

I feel your pain,I turned 50 this year and felt so hurt with the little thought put into my gifts (then immediately felt guilty as it seemed selfish to even think that) my DS transferred money into my bank account - immediately swallowed up by overdraft, my DH and this is the most hurtful got me a bottle of gin and told me to order myself something online. .... I ALWAYS put so much thought into all of the gifts I purchase but you know, maybe I won’t going forward. 🙁

Thisismytimetoshine · 27/07/2020 00:07

Jesus, fucking Mermaids to add insult to injury Shock. I'd chuck it back at her and tell her on how many levels it's offensive.

Celestine70 · 27/07/2020 00:09

Awful, horrible and lazy. Book tokens would be better. I wouldn't even use it. What would you have preferred?

jessstan2 · 27/07/2020 00:12

@Tomasinabombadil

Never heard of this brand, just googled and found this notification on their website

"from everyBody Love sold between
1st June and31st July 10%
will be donated to Mermaids"
GrinConfusedWinkShock

Mermaids are not real!!!!!

Oh I have now gone off Susan Ma. I had thought better of her.
avamiah · 27/07/2020 01:33

I always give cash in a envelope to my friends and their children and have done for many years .
They love it and the kids always tell me what they have bought or what they are saving up for .

auntieElle · 27/07/2020 07:01

That’s miserable, @Pineappleheart Flowers

gamerchick · 27/07/2020 09:11

@Thisismytimetoshine

Jesus, fucking Mermaids to add insult to injury Shock. I'd chuck it back at her and tell her on how many levels it's offensive.
Perfect reason to reject it and solves the her bugging you to do parties. In fact if you do it right she'll give you a swerve in future.
The80sweregreat · 27/07/2020 09:29

I would feel sad too plus there are only a few toiletries and face creams I can use that do not bring me up in spots or worse. So id be doubly upset! (The idea of putting some in a food bank is brilliant! )
The fact that your friends had gifts tailored to them and you haven't is a bit unfair! You have had to contribute to their gifts ( which do not sound cheap)
I suppose I would just say thanks and move on but I can see why your upset by this and your not being unreasonable , the one doing the mlm selling is the winner here !

Campingintheraintoday · 27/07/2020 09:35

You do know what sort of party your 50th is going to be now don't you op??

MummyMayo1988 · 27/07/2020 11:57

I think YABU!
If you've never tried pamper stuff - how do you know your not into it?!
I reckon you should set aside a Friday night; open a bottle if wine, munch your fav chocolate/sweets and go to town with the products! If one of the pamper items takes your fancy; the the gift will not have been in vain.
You should at least give it a try!

TinySleepThief · 27/07/2020 12:07

@MummyMayo1988

I think YABU! If you've never tried pamper stuff - how do you know your not into it?! I reckon you should set aside a Friday night; open a bottle if wine, munch your fav chocolate/sweets and go to town with the products! If one of the pamper items takes your fancy; the the gift will not have been in vain. You should at least give it a try!
Im pretty sure by the time you reach 40 you have a good idea of what you do and do not like. Add the fact the OP stated I have temperamental skin and a tried and tested regime that works for me. I dont see how anyone can say she is being unreasonable.
Thisismytimetoshine · 27/07/2020 12:08

@MummyMayo1988

I think YABU! If you've never tried pamper stuff - how do you know your not into it?! I reckon you should set aside a Friday night; open a bottle if wine, munch your fav chocolate/sweets and go to town with the products! If one of the pamper items takes your fancy; the the gift will not have been in vain. You should at least give it a try!
You have spectacularly missed the point.
NameChange84 · 27/07/2020 12:10
  • I think YABU! If you've never tried pamper stuff - how do you know your not into it?! I reckon you should set aside a Friday night; open a bottle if wine, munch your fav chocolate/sweets and go to town with the products! If one of the pamper items takes your fancy; the the gift will not have been in vain. You should at least give it a try!*

Everyone else in the friendship group got a present tailored to their interests.

OP has sensitive skin and has never expressed any interest in “pampering”. What you describe sounds like a wasted evening to me. The OP knows herself. She is not BU.

acatcalledjohn · 27/07/2020 13:29

I reckon you should set aside a Friday night; open a bottle if wine, munch your fav chocolate/sweets and go to town with the products!

I can't speak for the OP, but I am pretty sure I'm not the only one who considers dicking about with something functional a chore. Especially if you have a routine already. The whole narrative of women drinking wine/Prosecco, eating chocs whilst playing with creams or make up is such awful stereotyping.

I bet you'd enjoy a product party. More fool you. Are you a Tropic bot?

robotcow · 27/07/2020 13:31
  • I think YABU! If you've never tried pamper stuff - how do you know your not into it?! I reckon you should set aside a Friday night; open a bottle if wine, munch your fav chocolate/sweets and go to town with the products! If one of the pamper items takes your fancy; the the gift will not have been in vain. You should at least give it a try!*

Yes. Definitely missing the point. The OP has sensitive skin, has a tried and tested regimen, has never expressed an interest in this type of product.

And not to mention the fact that it's an MLM so a dodgy business model/pushy so called friend with their own agenda that has hijacked the gift buying. That wouldn't sit well with the majority on this thread