To think your mum shouldn’t be at the birth?

[WhoWhatWheree]

Discussion with my DP, I think my mother does not need to be at the birth. He believes I am “weird” and most women want their mothers present.

YANBU= Your mother does not need to be present during the birth.
YABU = Your mother should be at the birth of your child.

Never ever would have wanted that.
My mum definitely not either

My mum was with me when I gave birth and I was with my daughter for two of hers but it's entirely the choice of the woman who is there. There is no 'should' about it.

The labouring woman’s choice!

With my first baby, I wanted my mum & DH there. Ended up with a EMCS, so only had DH in the end. But if I’d have gone through labour, my mum is the person I would have wanted above anybody else with my first birth.

With my second, I felt entirely differently and only wanted my DH with me. Good job, as my mum was my childcare for DC1 .

Fuck no (and she made her excuses in the case of DS2 as she didn't want to anyway).

I'd be very wary if any man (not your DP, OP) who seemed to have fixed expectations of how I should do these things. It usually indicates a rigid perception of how women are meant to woman and lays the groundwork for future accusations of not being being a 'proper' woman. Or at least it has done in my family....

No.Freakin.Way. I didn't even want her to come to the hospital to visit the next day.

Interesting to see so many don't want their mums there though. I know many women who do. I wondered how much of my lack of interest is due to our fractious relationship (though she wouldn't have wanted to be there anyway) and how much is because of my general need for privacy.

Nobody 'needs' to be at a birth other than the mother and baby. Suggesting a woman is weird because of her birthing partner preferences is a dick move.

She doesn't need to be there but whether you want her there is a personal choice. I would've like my mum to be at the birth of my son but it all happened so quickly she couldn't get there in time.

I wouldn't. But it's entirely up to the woman giving birth

I wouldn’t have minded my mum being there but she didn’t want to because she said my whinging would be unbearable. In the end I had a c section and only one person was allowed in anyway. And now because of Covid it’s a moot point.

I voted YANBU because YOU don't want your mother there. I would also vote YANBU if the question was 'I want my mother there but my partner thinks I shouldn't'.

It's whatever works for you. I can't think of anything worse than having my mum there.

Personally, hell no. But I think the most important thing is that the woman giving birth is supported by the right person - in many cases, that's her mum. We've all seen One Born Every Minute, right? Some of the men in that are useless

It’s very individual. I’ve seen hundreds, probably thousands of babies being born and idiots say it’s 60/40 for who don’t have their mum vs those who do.

Personally no I wouldn't want her there, I wouldn't have felt comfortable plus she gets flustered so wouldn't have worked anyway. DH was amazing and will have him there again and only him and midwives

There's no 'should' or 'shouldn't'. People do what's right for them and that will vary from person to person.

Not a chance! Me and my mum have a good relationship, but I’m a pretty private person, and the only person I ever wanted there was the baby’s dad. And if he couldn’t be there for whatever reason, I’d have rather had a sister - probably would rather have just the midwife than my mum

I think it comes down to personal choice for mum to be, whatever she feels she needs to get her through.

I hope that my mum can be present for birth as I think she will understand more what is happening and be a support to my partner (partner agrees) without being interfering. When I miscarried she came across the country to be there to help. It must have been hard for her, but she made sure everything was clean before I returned from hospital and quietly sorted things out to let us greive. I want her there at this new chapter to support and share.

However, I understand that it's a time when you are vunrable and exposed and may feel uncomfortable. Not all daughters/ partners have that relationship with mum, not all mum's are assets in a delivery suite, so it's an individual choice and if mum gets offended by it, I suspect mum isn't the right person to be there.

It would never have crossed my mind to have my mum there in the room with me. I never understand why on OBEM they seem to allow several people, like the sister of the husband, or next door neighbour of the bloke who runs the bingo, literally random people. I just wanted DP. Although I wouldn’t have minded Sister Evangelina from CTM to be fair.

I also couldn’t think of anything worse, I’d rather give birth alone.

We aren’t especially close, civil, but not close. She’d spend the whole time trying to talk to the midwife about herself, there would be no focus on me/the birth, she’d get cross if I dared to interrupt her monopolising the midwife and then she would fucking NEVER shut up about being the first one to .

Ultimately she would end up getting more attention from everyone both before, during and after the birth than either me or the baby.

Nope, no way, never ever.

But, I get that others might!

Definitely a choice thing, but with hindsight, I wish I'd had my mum there instead of the husband!

@DidSheReallySayThat20

Could not think of anything worse!

My friend had her dad but its because her bf had left her. And her dad brought her up as a single dad to 3 girls.. To me that seemed special and sweet. Otherwise she'd of been alone..
He ended up being there for all 3 births as she felt it would be unfair he wasnt part of 2 but was of 1. Despite she was married etc by then

People do what's right for them. If you don't want her there. Then don't there's no right or wrong. Just personal choice

That’s so lovely.

OP definitely personal choice. I wouldn’t have, and I don’t know anyone who has.

I have never met anyone who had their mother at their birth. I certainly wouldn't have wanted that for my births.

My mum was at the birth of my son years ago. I don't know how it happened, honestly, she just seemed to be there! I may have been addled by the gas and air!
I still think it's kind of weird, and, being the person I am now, I'd absolutely tell her not to be!

I wouldn’t only because she would tell everyone, even strangers how the birth went even though you told her not to.

Depends on individual she doesn’t need to be there but many people prefer her to be.

I was adamant only my husband would be at the birth first time but changed my mind at the last minute.

It's not about should or shouldn't. It is whatever the woman giving birth prefers.