To think your mum shouldn’t be at the birth?

[WhoWhatWheree]

Discussion with my DP, I think my mother does not need to be at the birth. He believes I am “weird” and most women want their mothers present.

YANBU= Your mother does not need to be present during the birth.
YABU = Your mother should be at the birth of your child.

She did say, please don’t ask me to be there, I don’t want to be part of that.

My mum felt that way about me breastfeeding - don't think a drip induction and EMCS would have floated her boat somehow !

*there

Everyone's different and has different relationships with their mothers even within the same family!

I didn't want mum there as she'd have driven me nuts! We have very different opinions and approach to life and even before I had dd it was clear she didn't approve of my approach to parenting.

We rub each other up wrong at the best of times anyway!

My sister and she are very close though and she was there for all her births and it went very well. But my sister had/has the same opinions as mum on many matters most crucially for this topic on pain and management of childbirth.

I was very anti pain relief unless essential and mostly managed fine until near the end when an emcs became clearly needed and only had it for that reason.

Sister is all about avoiding pain wherever possible and wanted pain relief at the 2nd contraction!

Each to their own, mostly worked for her except for no 3 who came so quickly she nearly gave birth in the car!!

I think there could be a risk that dp gets pushed out if he wants to be there. My partner being at birth and supporting me brought us so much closer and he was amazing. I wouldnt have took that experience from him or me

Ffs why does everything come down to trying to belittle other women and make them feel like their choices are wrong? When you go into labour it is about you and the baby, no one else. Have whoever will best support you and don't let anyone tell you that your choices are invalid.

No from me too. I am close to my mum but just no. Husband and medics. Not sure my husband will be much use.

When my DD said she wanted me there I was quite surprised tbh.
In the end she gave birth so quickly that I didn’t get there in time, from arriving at the MLU getting in the pool and giving birth, it was less than 40 minutes!

Everyone is different, there is no right or wrong with this.

No way would I have wanted my mother there. I don't know anyone who did.

My daughter gave birth six months ago. It didn't cross my mind or hers (as far as I'm aware) for me to be there.

Where is the voting button for "This is absolutely for every individual woman to decide for herself!"?

In my case would have been no, not because I don't have a close relationship with my mother, but because my husband was my first choice. If he had been unavailable then yes, I might have thought of my mother. But as it was, she did sterling work keeping my eldest happy at home while I gave birth to our youngest. Dh was the best birth partner I could have had.

My Mum was there when I had my 1st, and she was really supportive. Told me off when I had a massive hissy about being in pain, and was able to calm me down far more effectively than DH.... mind you I was on labour ward for 4 days. DH was really really useless, in honesty, and when our 2nd was born, I sent him home and got them to ring him just as I was about to deliver. I was far happier with the midwife.

I was also privileged enough to see my 1st grandchild being born. DD had said all the way though her pregnancy that she wanted me there, but I told her that we'd see on the day and it was her choice. As it turned out, she laboured really quickly and I had to get there very quickly. just in time to see her pushing baby out. I was so so proud of her, and it was an amazing experience. I also had the pleasure of looking after the baby while DD went and had a bath afterwards, and we got to say hello to each other. I will never forget that day.

It doesn't matter to anyone but you, OP.

Haven't voted either way as its depending on circumstances and relationships.

My mother was present at the birth of my first, alongside my husband. They allowed 2 people.

My second, she stayed at home to look after my 1st so my husband could be with me.

If i ever have another child, I imagine in the current climate my husband would stay at home as my 2 now would drive my mother insane for more than 3 hours (also she's a bit older now!) Plus with the whole covid-19 rules, I believe even having someone with you is frowned upon in some hospitals!

I should also add, if my daughter wanted me to be with her one day, I'd encourage her to obviously choose her husband first but I would always be there for her if that is what she wanted. Although I think I would pass out, or at least stay above the hip area 😆

There is no right or wrong surely?

In the past it would have been normal to be attended by female relatives.

Having said that, my own mother is very squeamish and very private about anything related to pregnancy, childbirth, periods or menopause, so she would have been utterly useless, by her own admission. She won't even watch a tv drama that has a scene with someone giving birth. And I have no idea if me or my siblings were straightforward or complicated pregnancies and labours, I don't even know if she had any C sections or if they were natural births. She just refuses to discuss it.

My mum was at the birth of my first due to my OH being away with work and being unable to get back in time.
She was so good that I had her at the birth of the future kids.
She was 100% on my side and a terrific advocate.

To me, that YANBU option is the 'its up to every individual' option. Saying that she doesn't need to be there doesn't say she shouldn't be there.

I surprised myself by wanting by mum there. We were close but not the ‘comfortable to undress in front of each other’ close.

But when I was expecting my first I felt like I needed her to be there. DH was really happy about it too. They got on great and he was pleased to have some support himself as he was petrified.

She was great, my labour was really long so having an extra person to chat to, to fetch drinks and to rub my back was ideal.

I had her there for my second too, and again she was fantastic support. She was the first person to dress both of my DC which was something really special to her.

She died 5 years ago and I love that I shared those experiences with her.

I have a fab relationship with my mum but she is pretty rubbish at anything medical and when i was pregnant with DS we mutually agreed she'd probably be a terrible birth partner. As it was, things did get a little dramatic at one point and she would certainly have freaked out, whereas DH was the model of calm encouragement, so it was a good decision!

My mum would have like to be at my dd birth but we decided they could visit us in hospital after she was born. However because of covid we couldn't have any visitors and tbh because I was shattered from a long labour and need pethadine we were both sleepy, so I was glad not to have visitors until we got home, it gave dh and I time to bond with dd and I learnt to bf. 🙂

Congratulations on your pregnancy x

@lyralalala

Why the need to be rude about it? If it’s not for you then don’t do it, but why are people so keen to judge the people who do.

Because this is a thread that asks our opinions, so I have given mine. If people dont want to read the opinions of others (the good and the bad) then they are free not to click on the thread.

If I had said the above without being asked then yes, it would be rude.

But surely forums like this is where you can be honest without having to water things down like in real life.

I had my mum at both births, she had been amazing through 2 difficult pregnancies. I was very lucky in that I had very short labours! I think people forget that having men at the delivery has only been the norn for less than 50 years. It was always female relatives and friends!!!!

I wouldn’t have minded if she was there but I also feel it’s quite a personal tune for the mum and dad.

My Mum was there along with a friend who'd had 4 kids. Dh was somewhere under the ocean and didn't know that ds had been born til three days after the event. I was very grateful that Mum and my friend were there, otherwise I'd have been on my tod.

Definitely did not want my mum at the birth. I barely even wanted my husband there to be honest! But I know several people including my sister who did want and feel like they need their mum there so it’s each to their own really. You clearly don’t so your husband is being a bit weird about it.

Its personal like PP have said. I know woman who had to have their mum at the birth and it helped them. My mum wanted to be there, but I couldn't think of anything worse. Foot went down. All I wanted was me and DH. If you don't want her there don't have her, its what will make you most happy and comfortable

My mother wasn't there at the conception so I under normal circumstances there's no reason for het to be at the birth.