Would you REALLY sacrifice your partner for your child’s life?

[SleepyBaaaa]

Lonnng time lurker, first post.
Read an interesting thread about whether children or partner come first. Lots of comments along the lines of ‘I’d die for my child. If I had to, I’d push my partner under a bus to save my child.’ Like the trolley problem argument.
Obviously very, very unlikely you’ll ever have to do this- fingers crossed!!
So here’s another unrealistic scenario but based around health issues- a far more realistic threat to life than a runaway bus!
Your child needs a rare medical match to save their life. They have limited awareness of the world but experience happiness and could live a fairly long life with the provision of care. Your partner is a match. You can’t be a living donor. If you could get away with it, would you murder your partner so the transplant could take place and save your child’s life? Or would you encourage your partner to commit suicide? What if you were the match?
In other words, if you’re happy to be a hero to save your child’s life, is the urge strong enough that you’d also be a villain?
Would you go to jail for your child for a very serious crime and pretend you committed their crime, because you think they’d not survive in jail?
AIBU to think a parental urge to save and protect at all costs is only truly held by a relatively small number of people?

If it came to it I’d murder my husband to save my child, but I wouldn’t need to because if that was the situation we were in he would commit suicide in a heartbeat as would I. Wouldn’t even hesitate.

So hard to say. That's the problem with these hypothetical situations. We all like to think we know what we'd do but so often what we would actually do is totally different.

I think that no, I would not cover up my child's crime. You have a larger responsibility to them than that. Protecting them from the consequences of their choices and actions is not being a good parent.

Would I kill my partner to save their life? No. I don't think so. For a start, the chances of getting away with it are very small
Would I try to get my partner to kill themselves? Again, no. Would the organ even be of any use coming from someone who'd killed themselves? If they'd taken pills it might not be useable. If they'd hanged themselves would the organ be useable? You'd have to be very quick. Cut him down and get him to theatre... It just wouldn't work.

If I was a match? Same applies. Kill myself for a high chance of an unusable organ? And if it is useable then my very disabled child (my assumption from your description of child) has the organ but no longer has me as their advocate.

Yes. To all. I would probably encourage my husband to sacrifice himself for our kid, but to be honest, I know he would. The going ro jail for a crime thing is a nice brainer. If I knew my kid would die in jail I would fake it and take her place. Basically, kid ALWAYS comes before me and my husband. Always.

I think I saw the post you refer to, and I turned to my husband and said 'if you had to push me under a bus to save our kids, would you?' And he said yes without hesitating. I was very happy because I would never forgive him if he put me before them. We both love the kids more than we love each other.

Absolutely no hesitation. Thank you for replying.

@RedRedWines

If it came to it I’d murder my husband to save my child, but I wouldn’t need to because if that was the situation we were in he would commit suicide in a heartbeat as would I. Wouldn’t even hesitate.

Absolutely no hesitation. Thank you for your reply.

Would you rather fight a lion or a bear?

No, I don't think many people would murder their partner, or anyone, in that scenario. People were trying to describe the depth of their feelings rather than a thought-out plan! In general, people don't know how they'd react. Lots of people on that thread also said they'd kill themselves if their child died, or even their partner - in reality, children do die and their parents very rarely kill themselves, and being widowed is more common than women outliving their partners and the vast, vast majority of widows carry on living their lives. A situation can be unimaginable beforehand but that doesn't mean you wouldn't live through it if it happened.

@VettiyaIruken

So hard to say. That's the problem with these hypothetical situations. We all like to think we know what we'd do but so often what we would actually do is totally different.

I think that no, I would not cover up my child's crime. You have a larger responsibility to them than that. Protecting them from the consequences of their choices and actions is not being a good parent.

Would I kill my partner to save their life? No. I don't think so. For a start, the chances of getting away with it are very small
Would I try to get my partner to kill themselves? Again, no. Would the organ even be of any use coming from someone who'd killed themselves? If they'd taken pills it might not be useable. If they'd hanged themselves would the organ be useable? You'd have to be very quick. Cut him down and get him to theatre... It just wouldn't work.

If I was a match? Same applies. Kill myself for a high chance of an unusable organ? And if it is useable then my very disabled child (my assumption from your description of child) has the organ but no longer has me as their advocate.

Yes all hypothetical, and with the chance that it would all be in vain. Assumption in this scenario is that it would have a good chance of working and organ would be useful in spite of suicide method.

@Frodothedodo

Would you rather fight a lion or a bear?

A bear- go for the nose or distract with picnic basket.

'Push under a bus' is also a usefully detached way of imagining killing someone. If you put it in more likely/concrete terms I think a lot fewer people would say they would stab/suffocate their partner to save their child, and even fewer if you made them really think about what that would be like.

@SqidgeBum

Yes. To all. I would probably encourage my husband to sacrifice himself for our kid, but to be honest, I know he would. The going ro jail for a crime thing is a nice brainer. If I knew my kid would die in jail I would fake it and take her place. Basically, kid ALWAYS comes before me and my husband. Always.

I think I saw the post you refer to, and I turned to my husband and said 'if you had to push me under a bus to save our kids, would you?' And he said yes without hesitating. I was very happy because I would never forgive him if he put me before them. We both love the kids more than we love each other.

Thank you for your reply, no hesitation!

Why do we need to justify our love for our children over our partners with theoretical examples? Why do we need to prove it?

Maybe those who demand theoretical proof don’t feel the same and come up with silly scenarios just so they can say “ha, you don’t really” if people hesitate.

@Hardbackwriter

'Push under a bus' is also a usefully detached way of imagining killing someone. If you put it in more likely/concrete terms I think a lot fewer people would say they would stab/suffocate their partner to save their child, and even fewer if you made them really think about what that would be like.

Thank you for your reply, yes it’s more visceral than a push. I wonder if parents in the child needs organ transplant often think about what they would do to help if they thought it would work.

Is this more Daily Mail fodder ?

@Iggly

Why do we need to justify our love for our children over our partners with theoretical examples? Why do we need to prove it?

Maybe those who demand theoretical proof don’t feel the same and come up with silly scenarios just so they can say “ha, you don’t really” if people hesitate.

Personally I’d never say that to a parent if they hesitated, I wouldn’t judge at all or jump to a conclusion either way.

@SteelyPanther

Is this more Daily Mail fodder ?

I’m not a journalist and definitely not a fan of DM!

@Hardbackwriter

No, I don't think many people would murder their partner, or anyone, in that scenario. People were trying to describe the depth of their feelings rather than a thought-out plan! In general, people don't know how they'd react. Lots of people on that thread also said they'd kill themselves if their child died, or even their partner - in reality, children do die and their parents very rarely kill themselves, and being widowed is more common than women outliving their partners and the vast, vast majority of widows carry on living their lives. A situation can be unimaginable beforehand but that doesn't mean you wouldn't live through it if it happened.

Thank you for your insight, I guess that’s a key point, it is unimaginable and I can’t imagine, even if I try hard, what people in those scenarios actually go through.

There’s not much point asking because all you get is hyperbole. Everyone believes they’d act in a particular way but they typically have no experience of their own life or their partner’s life truly being at risk. Everyone thinks they’re brave/tough.....very very few people are.

We know from experience that as much as the majority of people will squawk that they’d die trying to get to their kids if the house was on fire.....there are parents who survive when their children don’t because actually those words are empty and meaningless until you actually face the situation.

OMG - are you going to quote every single reply in full, OP? This is going to be a tedious read ...

No I would not kill my partner to save my child
I also wouldn’t kill myself to save my children (in the scenario you described)

If there was a house fire and my children were trapped in one room and my partner trapped in the other and I only had enough time to break down one door and save the occupants then I would save my children.
I would also risk my own life trying to save my children in a situation like this.

But would I kill my partner to have his organs for my child? Absolutely not.

I love my children and my partner differently but equally and wouldn’t want to live without either of them.

Also my children will grow up and live their own lives, and my partner will still be here with me forever. He comes first in a lot of circumstances and our relationship is incredibly important for everyone’s happiness.

I'd rather fight a bear. I'd pull his little red t-shirt over his head so he couldn't see then i'd run away.

No I wouldn't.

I'd do everything in my power to make dcs life as comfy and happy as possible, but I would not kill my dh to save their lives. I'd need his support, and I just can't see myself doing it, just like I can't see him doing it to me.

I love my children and I'd move heaven and earth for them, but kill the man I plan to spend the rest of my life with? No

What is the point of this thread? It is distasteful to say the least and a little sick. Hopefully nobody will ever find them self in op’s twisted situation in their lifetime. What are you gaining from this op? Do you have children? Have you answered your own question on here?

The point is nobody needs to imagine what you are alluding to and why should you what to....

People often want to prove their love in a way by saying they would do the most extreme things.

You see it the other way with horrible violence, like when people comment on an animal cruelty video something like "whoever did this, I'd like to slowly remove their fingernails " etc. Nobody knows really how they would react in a situation like the ones you have named, and I suspect that most would find that their reaction was not as they expected.

No, I would not murder my DH or kill myself for my child in the medical situation you described.
I would not say I committed a crime to stop my child going to jail either.