Would you REALLY sacrifice your partner for your child’s life?

[SleepyBaaaa]

Lonnng time lurker, first post.
Read an interesting thread about whether children or partner come first. Lots of comments along the lines of ‘I’d die for my child. If I had to, I’d push my partner under a bus to save my child.’ Like the trolley problem argument.
Obviously very, very unlikely you’ll ever have to do this- fingers crossed!!
So here’s another unrealistic scenario but based around health issues- a far more realistic threat to life than a runaway bus!
Your child needs a rare medical match to save their life. They have limited awareness of the world but experience happiness and could live a fairly long life with the provision of care. Your partner is a match. You can’t be a living donor. If you could get away with it, would you murder your partner so the transplant could take place and save your child’s life? Or would you encourage your partner to commit suicide? What if you were the match?
In other words, if you’re happy to be a hero to save your child’s life, is the urge strong enough that you’d also be a villain?
Would you go to jail for your child for a very serious crime and pretend you committed their crime, because you think they’d not survive in jail?
AIBU to think a parental urge to save and protect at all costs is only truly held by a relatively small number of people?

I don’t know honestly. I probably err more towards balances of needs than outright one trumps the other... I know I absolutely wouldn’t murder my husband (daddy) to save my children!! That horrific. It’s like the start of a post apocalyptic film where everyone is traumatised and no one ends up alive. Imagine the horror of living knowing you were saved and your dad died? Awful.

I have a religious faith too, so my moral choices and beliefs about death obviously contribute to my sense that murdering one family member to save another would not be right.

I wonder if people think Ian Brady's mum should have covered up evidence so her child didnt spend the rest of his life locked up?

Or what about the boys that killed little Jamie Bulger. They were only 10, would it have been ok for their parents to cover up what they did?

And if it's ok to kill your partner to save your child's life, why stop there? Surely it would be better for your child if you killed someone else ?

We are all someone's child at the end of the day.

OP will you feel the same when your children are teenagers?

Surely the point is moot because, whereas live donors can make choices, organs from deceased donors are allocated by the system.

Perdita,

I think the use of the term 'justice system' is part of the structural conditioning - The 'legal system' is absolutely a tool for the entrenchment of power.

Unlike most people, I actually have a child that died, and I am always amazed at how much people love fantasising (and yes, this is fantasising) about these sort unspeakably horrific hypotheticals. It's normal, I guess, to 'practice' these things in a no-stakes sort of way but my god does it look ridiculous from my perspective.

If anyone wonders, no, even in the moments before her death, I would not have sacrificed my husband or anyone else for her, any more than I would have done a magic spell or called the queen to put a stop to it - because those things are completely outside the realms of reality, just like OPs hypothetical situation. When she was very ill, I did think I would suffer for her if I could, but I don't remember dwelling on that and I don't specifically remember thinking I would die to save her - again, because those are unrealistic hypothetical fantasy and it distracted from actually being with her in reality while she was still alive.

If you are genuinely anxious about the very real possibility of the death of your children, which you would be completely powerless to stop, I recommend therapy .

Would I do otherwise unimaginable things to 'save' my children
(from death, jailtime etc)
YES.

Would I risk / sacrifice my own life for this?
YES.

Would i push a stranger under a bus?
NO

Would I push my partner under a bus?
(dont have one - their Dad - YES!!!)

What is more worthy of consideration (for most of us) is:
Do I honestly do all I can every day to help them along in their lives
(I don't mean financially) but morally, spiritually / emotionally, educationally, to bring them up as caring sharing contributing members of society, not just selfish grabby 'takers' etc

THAT is probably far harder, if we are honest' than a hypothetical 'sacrificing Dad to get kids out of burning building / taking his organs' type scenario, though I appreciate that isn't quite what you are asking.

if it came to it I’d murder my husband to save my child,

Hah! most on MN would murder their hubbies anyway if they could get away with it; !!!!

I honestly don't think you know until you are there. Which I hope would never happen.

My MIL tells a story about taking the children on a Halloween walk through that was a bit too well done! When something jumped out at them she screamed and ran...leaving the children there. Obviously they were safe really and you could argue she knew that and the children weren't tiny (but young enough) but it really upset her. "I always thought I would instinctively gather and protect them" but in the moment fear just took over.

Interesting anyway.

@Wannabefarmer

I'd sacrifice ex DP for a jaffa cake. Smug twat that he is.

Same. In a heartbeat

I know someone that on his honeymoon had to choose between saving his stepdaughter and wife when they were drowning.

If you didn't save the child would your partner ever forgive you?

Just a simple yes

Well if I killed my husband I don't think I could live with the guilt and looking my child I mthe eye every day knowing I'd taken away their Dad. So I'd either end up v mentally unwell and not a good mom or I'd end up killing myself and then they'd be orphaned.

HarlinRay so very sorry for your loss. You explain perfectly why threads like this are a really bad idea.

I wouldn't murder dh or ask him to kill himself and I wouldn't kill myself to save one of our dc, the others also need a mother.

I think this latter bit is a very good point. If you have other children then, however close to their sibling they might be, they are probably going to be more affected by losing a parent (or both parents, if one is murdered and the other one ends up in prison) than they are by losing a sibling.

Having said that though, I do remember telling a friend that I loved my sister more than my parents when we were at primary school. That was when I was telling her how I didn’t like creme caramels (she had one in her packed lunch) and she asked “But would you eat it to save your family?”

Maybe you could add that in OP? Would you eat your least favourite processed dessert to save your entire family?

I don't really know. I don't think I know how I feel until I am in that situation. And quite hurtful to think about it and say you will in the first place, when you are not in the situation. It's a tough question. I lived in a transplant ward with my child once, though luckily he didn't need it. But has seen many parents waiting for it and going crazy.

Nope.

The OP clearly got enough for their article and has now buggered off 🙄

Porcupineinwaiting: Or what about the boys that killed little Jamie Bulger.
......
JAMES Bulger, not Jamie. Last time I saw his mother on TV she remarked that half the time people got his name wrong. This is the first time I've seen it.

Yes. I left my ex because my children would have a better quality of life, they come first every single time.

@xolotltezcatlopoca

I don't really know. I don't think I know how I feel until I am in that situation. And quite hurtful to think about it and say you will in the first place, when you are not in the situation. It's a tough question. I lived in a transplant ward with my child once, though luckily he didn't need it. But has seen many parents waiting for it and going crazy.

I am so sorry you had to go through that and glad your son didn't in the end need a transplant.

However I doubt you would have committed murder to achieve one.

Don't think about it any more.

Yes the committing suicide / underinvestment my H to save my child.

No to covering up their crime and taking the blame.

Hmmm. My background means I have some training that would help with this. However that training also takes in the ethics of killing.

Out of a group of pacifist friends they all said they'd kill to protect their home...me? The only one trained to use a rifle? I said I don't know if I could.

Thinking you would and actually doing it are very different things.

In theory I'd do anything to keep my children alive, in practise I don't think that would be viable.

Underinvestment??? Should’ve read murdering