Would you REALLY sacrifice your partner for your child’s life?

[SleepyBaaaa]

Lonnng time lurker, first post.
Read an interesting thread about whether children or partner come first. Lots of comments along the lines of ‘I’d die for my child. If I had to, I’d push my partner under a bus to save my child.’ Like the trolley problem argument.
Obviously very, very unlikely you’ll ever have to do this- fingers crossed!!
So here’s another unrealistic scenario but based around health issues- a far more realistic threat to life than a runaway bus!
Your child needs a rare medical match to save their life. They have limited awareness of the world but experience happiness and could live a fairly long life with the provision of care. Your partner is a match. You can’t be a living donor. If you could get away with it, would you murder your partner so the transplant could take place and save your child’s life? Or would you encourage your partner to commit suicide? What if you were the match?
In other words, if you’re happy to be a hero to save your child’s life, is the urge strong enough that you’d also be a villain?
Would you go to jail for your child for a very serious crime and pretend you committed their crime, because you think they’d not survive in jail?
AIBU to think a parental urge to save and protect at all costs is only truly held by a relatively small number of people?

@Obviouspretzel True. You see it all the time about child abusers, especially on MN. People proclaiming they'd torture them, tear them to pieces with their bare hands, castrate them with rusty scissors..

The reality would be very different. It's just something people say.

His dads not my partner so yes he would die. Even if it was my partner he would die too.

goodbye husband if my child is in danger and i had to choose.
Its a different kind of love, for me i could live if my husband died, unhappily but i would live but if my child died i would want to die with them.

What a strange thread!

I suspect those who are used to living alone/doing most of the housework/have bad relationships will still say "YES!"

Fear (or indeed desire) of being alone plays into this as well.

I have no idea tbh and your hypothetical scenario is shit. Its like when my kids used to say 'would you rather eat a gherkin or rollmop?' I'd answer neither. Cue much 'no no no you HAVE to pick one'
No I fucking don't.

What a strange thread!

^ this

@Hardbackwriter

No, I don't think many people would murder their partner, or anyone, in that scenario. People were trying to describe the depth of their feelings rather than a thought-out plan! In general, people don't know how they'd react. Lots of people on that thread also said they'd kill themselves if their child died, or even their partner - in reality, children do die and their parents very rarely kill themselves, and being widowed is more common than women outliving their partners and the vast, vast majority of widows carry on living their lives. A situation can be unimaginable beforehand but that doesn't mean you wouldn't live through it if it happened.

this in buckets. nonoe knows in reality of a situation what they would do, some responses on here seem highly unlikely in rl.

have just realised the irony of my user name but then that was a story

I wouldn’t cover up a crime they committed, especially not a serious crime!
I’m not sure what I would do if their life depended on a non living doner for something but if it required something from someone who is dead, eg a heart etc then I doubt that any hospital would test you for being a match anyway which is why there are waiting lists for transplants of this kind

In that scenario, no I don't think I would.

In a scenario where they were both in immediate danger and had an equal chance of survival or death - say our car went into a river - I'd choose to save my child first. And he'd expect me to, just as I'd expect him to. And understand.

Also, just to add, for a heart transplant or similar, I think people are usually medically kept alive in order to harvest an organ? As I’m sure there is a certain amount of time that an organ is allowed to be out of the body before it cannot be used

No. I wouldn’t commit murder to save my child. And I wouldn’t kill my self or encourage my partner to kill themselves. I believe life is sacred and it isn’t my choice to Take it away. Where do you draw the line? Who else would you kill to save your child? What if stabbing a homeless man had a 75% chance of saving your child? Or killing one really old person would save them?

I'd sacrifice ex DP for a jaffa cake. Smug twat that he is.

I love my children more than life itself but I wouldn’t murder my dp, I don’t think!

@Wannabefarmer
I'd be the same and I'm not even hugely keen on them...

In a heartbeat!

No. That would be murder. I would certainly risk my life and my husband would have done the same but what would be the point of either life deliberately being sacrificed for a dear child who would never be able to live a normal life and whose life would be diminished without a parent? Even more so if we had other children.

We would do everything to find a matching donor and pay if necessary. For some conditions only part of an organ is needed, such as a liver, and we can survive on one kidney; bone marrow donation we would offer but never knowingly give up our lives. That to me would be very wrong on many levels. I also doubt any doctor would agree to it; they would tell us our child needs two healthy parents which would only leave suicide and many suicides render organs useless anyway.

@romeolovedjulliet
have just realised the irony of my user name but then that was a story

It always gets me when someone relationship is decribed as a "real life Romeo and Juliet".

That relationship lasted 3 days and when it was over there were 6 people dead.

Really romantic!

@JeSuisPoulet

What a strange thread!

I suspect those who are used to living alone/doing most of the housework/have bad relationships will still say "YES!"

Fear (or indeed desire) of being alone plays into this as well.

I hate this dramatic shit. Women lose their children every day and go on to have meaningful lives.

Sorry@ Jesuispoulet. I did not mean to quote you. Referring to the ‘ I would kill myself if my child died “ statements

romeolovedjuliet

Hardbackwriter

No, I don't think many people would murder their partner, or anyone, in that scenario. People were trying to describe the depth of their feelings rather than a thought-out plan! In general, people don't know how they'd react. Lots of people on that thread also said they'd kill themselves if their child died, or even their partner - in reality, children do die and their parents very rarely kill themselves, and being widowed is more common than women outliving their partners and the vast, vast majority of widows carry on living their lives. A situation can be unimaginable beforehand but that doesn't mean you wouldn't live through it if it happened.
...
this in buckets. nonoe knows in reality of a situation what they would do, some responses on here seem highly unlikely in rl.
...

Absolutely.

I was bereaved a year ago. Before that happened I said to a friend of mine that I would not want to live in those circumstances however 'wouldn't want to live' is not the same as suicide. A year later I am beginning to think life could be worth living.

The important thing for a chronically sick child is to feel secure and comfortable. If one parent went missing (unless they have only ever had one parent), they would be extremely vulnerable. What happens in that case if the existing parent has an accident or illness and dies?

I'd murder a dinosaur 🦕 to save moi kids.

When my children were small no I wouldn’t have done that. There was more than one child. Now I am a grandmother I would sacrifice myself willingly in this weird hypothetical situation of yours for them but never, ever murder or even make another adult feel he had to do the same. It’s deeply personal to the individual.

@TheKrakening3 no offence taken
It's a popcorn thread if you like those "I KNOW ONLY A FEW OF YOU WILL REPOST THIS..." links on FB, isn't it?

No I wouldn't commit murder to save my child. At the end of the day it is easier to make another child than find another good partner.

Nor would I conspire to pervert the course of justice and fabricate evidence to take their place in prison. They committed the crime, they have to do the time. Even if fingers firmly crossed we eventually bring back the death penalty I wouldn't take their place.

Imagine if your friend confided in you that her son was a serial rapist, but her husband had "done the decent thing" and confessed to the crimes so that he went to prison instead and the son was free. That's basically the scenario you're presenting.