Would you REALLY sacrifice your partner for your child’s life?

[SleepyBaaaa]

Lonnng time lurker, first post.
Read an interesting thread about whether children or partner come first. Lots of comments along the lines of ‘I’d die for my child. If I had to, I’d push my partner under a bus to save my child.’ Like the trolley problem argument.
Obviously very, very unlikely you’ll ever have to do this- fingers crossed!!
So here’s another unrealistic scenario but based around health issues- a far more realistic threat to life than a runaway bus!
Your child needs a rare medical match to save their life. They have limited awareness of the world but experience happiness and could live a fairly long life with the provision of care. Your partner is a match. You can’t be a living donor. If you could get away with it, would you murder your partner so the transplant could take place and save your child’s life? Or would you encourage your partner to commit suicide? What if you were the match?
In other words, if you’re happy to be a hero to save your child’s life, is the urge strong enough that you’d also be a villain?
Would you go to jail for your child for a very serious crime and pretend you committed their crime, because you think they’d not survive in jail?
AIBU to think a parental urge to save and protect at all costs is only truly held by a relatively small number of people?

I'd wonder exactly what couples get out of these hypothetical scenarios.
Does it really give anyone a nice glow of satisfaction when their partner assures them that they come a poor second to their mutual children and would be dispensed with without a second thought if it were to the children's benefit?
Loonies 😂

Organs may not be salvageable if you pop someone under a bus 😊

I'd wonder exactly what couples get out of these hypothetical scenarios.
Does it really give anyone a nice glow of satisfaction when their partner assures them that they come a poor second to their mutual children and would be dispensed with without a second thought if it were to the children's benefit?
Loonies

Indeed. I’d question anyone’s relationship if they’re having these types of conversations. There’s a problem if you are going into detail about awful scenarios of children and partners dying, committing suicide or needing transplants. It’s really sick.

I’ve been reading through this thread, some of the responses 😱😱 the poster offering to torture kids and give her organs to rapists is my favourite loon 😱🤣

I’ve been reading through this thread, some of the responses 😱😱 the poster offering to torture kids and give her organs to rapists is my favourite loon 😱🤣

🤣🤣🤣

Oh and I’d rather have ball bags for toes than willies for fingers as you could hide them better.

Not sure about the whole 'sacrifice' thing as it seems far too complicated to just say "Yes I would definitely shove DH under a bus instead" but I can say for certain that I would definitely not go to prison for my child's crimes. That seems too ridiculous for words really. Just why?

Shocked at people saying they wouldn't,
And I’m pretty shocked at people saying they would, especially those saying “in a heartbeat”.

@BarbedBloom

I found this thread a bit disturbing and am very glad I didn't have children. I do know someone who had to make a horrible choice as during birth the doctors could only save his wife or his child. He chose his wife and has never regretted it. I am pretty sure I would have done the same

I think in that scenario, I would always vote to save the mother.

One reason is that by chosoing the child you are also choosing for that child to grow up motherless. If there are other children you are condeming them to grow up motherless too.

That is the thing. Once this has happened, your great sacrifice for your children, then their lives are changed forever and not in a good way. they live forever with the guilt of it being their fault that you died.

I know people who have lost parents at an early age and who think it was somehow their fault, and they are screwed up by it.

I wouldn't wish that on my child.

@Frodothedodo

Would you rather fight a lion or a bear?

A lion. I am so good with cats and they invariably love me. I see no reason why a giant one wouldn't be lured into loving me with a few tins of tuna and a little ear rub.

I'd sacrifice DH for a Freddo and a packet of Hubba Bubba, tbh.

I'd sacrifice anyone for my 3 DC. Anyone. Not each other obviously.

I'd kill anyone to save my kids. Literally anyone in the world.

Are we talking killing someone to harvest their organs if your child needed one?

This is a ridiculous scenario because in any situation where a dead donor is required (organ donation etc) they don't allow you to pick and choose the donor out of a list of people who have recently died

I'm not sure what to make of this thread. I was just wondering if my grown up daughter would choose me over her partner and I would hope that she chose to save her partner over me although I would be a bit annoyed! Ultimately your children will make their own way in the world without a look back. I hope so. When your children are small they are all you think about, but as they become adults you do have to think about yourself. They are not going to hang about waiting for you. What a dilemma.

Well it's hardly an actual dilemma since it's never actually going to happen.
It's what smug people tell themselves to demonstrate they love their children more than anyone else loves theirs 😄
Why else would they have such ridiculous conversations? Who the hell cares anyway?

It’s just bollocks, it’s ‘aww, I love my kiddies #myworld’ in thread form, yes you are kind of supposed to! Anyone could say what they’d do on a thread and also not everyone will just roll over and let you kill them

No I wouldn’t sacrifice /murder my partner for my child. But either one of us would give our lives for him. So I don’t for a second doubt that my DH would give up his life for our son. I wouldn’t expect him to or encourage him to, but if he had the power to save him I know that he would.

Honestly I think my DP would take his own life if this was the situation, I know I certainly would. That would definitely be my justification for giving him a quick and painless death to save DD if need be!

I would not murder anyone for any reason.
I would not encourage my husband to kill himself to allow an organ to be available for my kid. He would do it though, as would I.
I would never take a prison sentence for my kid. Actions have consequences, sometimes really shit ones. It isn’t the kind of parenting I like to remove the consequences (especially since they would - generally- be adults, to be incarcerated).

I did comment on the thread which inspired this one. I would not murder my husband but in the trolley problem type scenario, he’s a goner. 😉

Definitely ball bags for toes. I would cover them with socks. I could not have willies for fingers.🤮

I wouldn’t murder my partner for DS’s life.
I wouldn’t have to.
DH and I would both sacrifice ourselves in a heart beat for DS.

I think a better way to look at this is a ‘if your hour house was on fire and your DP/DC were stuck in rooms at opposite ends... who would go to first.

The thought of actively murdering someone isn’t the same thing as prioritising your DC’s life over and above that of your own/your DP’s

I've a more twisted scenario...
Would you help your child end their life if they had a painful, terminal condition and asked you to help them?

Isn’t this the kind of scenario people come up with when they’ve had far too much to drink and are looking for some game to play to amuse themselves?

Firstly, there would be no way of knowing if the partner was a match for a donor organ because the matching isn’t done until the donor is dead.

Secondly, in order to become a donor the person has to die in a specific way i.e. be brain dead, so the chances of you being a donor are minimal (around one in 200).

Thirdly, you don’t get to choose who will be the donor, if you’re on the donor list then the match is done according to suitability and in some instances waiting times on the list.

And a child growing up knowing that their parent was killed to save them and their other parent was a murderer would lead to a pretty fucked up child. One who, looking back, would probably rather be dead.

I just asked my partner what he would do in this situation. He said he would commit suicide to save our child as our son needs me more.

I wouldn’t kill him but if he refused to commit suicide then I would kill myself in a heartbeat. I would help him commit suicide though as I do believe our son needs me more.

To be honest, either way one of us would end up dead and the child saved.

We actually have a child like the op describes (severe autism).