Would you REALLY sacrifice your partner for your child’s life?

[SleepyBaaaa]

Lonnng time lurker, first post.
Read an interesting thread about whether children or partner come first. Lots of comments along the lines of ‘I’d die for my child. If I had to, I’d push my partner under a bus to save my child.’ Like the trolley problem argument.
Obviously very, very unlikely you’ll ever have to do this- fingers crossed!!
So here’s another unrealistic scenario but based around health issues- a far more realistic threat to life than a runaway bus!
Your child needs a rare medical match to save their life. They have limited awareness of the world but experience happiness and could live a fairly long life with the provision of care. Your partner is a match. You can’t be a living donor. If you could get away with it, would you murder your partner so the transplant could take place and save your child’s life? Or would you encourage your partner to commit suicide? What if you were the match?
In other words, if you’re happy to be a hero to save your child’s life, is the urge strong enough that you’d also be a villain?
Would you go to jail for your child for a very serious crime and pretend you committed their crime, because you think they’d not survive in jail?
AIBU to think a parental urge to save and protect at all costs is only truly held by a relatively small number of people?

I remember reading on MN about a woman who's DSD needed a transplant. The whole family were tested but only she was a suitable match. She didn't want to do it for various reasons, ie might not work, complications to her own health, death and the fact that they had a DC together - her first duty was to her own biological child. I can't remember the outcome - might search on MN later. This is a much more realistic scenario than the original post.

No I wouldn’t.

Because no life is worth than another. My partner’s life isn’t worth less than my child’s life.

And do you imagine living knowing that you are the reason someone else was killed so you could live? It can be hard enough to receive a transplant from someone who died in an accident. But someone that was killed FOR YOU??

What a sick post.....
It is hypothetical, and no way would it actually happen, as the organ/s would need to be 'fresh' .
You'd also be done for murder.
Very unlikely situation.

@HarlinRay, I’m really sorry about your dd.

And I agree with you. There is a lot of fantaisie/magic thinking here.

No one read or seen "Sophies Choice" then ?

An extremely selfless family allowed their dear Child's organs to be used to benefit others.
One of the recipients won a gold in the Transplant Games, and the transplant recipient gave the medal to the Parents.

If one of these lovely Parents could have saved their beloved child by dying themselves, they would have. Voluntarily.

It isn't a think to make light of ''Would you murder your husband to spare your child?''...Shaking my head in disbelief. 😢

Absolutely not. If my child is old enough to commit a crime bad enough that it warranted a full life sentence then there is no way I would take their place. If you are big enough to do the crime, then you are big enough to do the time.

Likewise, there is no way I would EVER kill my partner, the man I wish to spend the rest of my life with in the cowardly way described above, I feel that to anyone that answered yes to that, they should probably offer themselves up instead.

@AllieCat26
Spot on...Agree with your sentiments entirely.

'Don't do the crime if you can't do the Time' used to be a phrase banded about..and it is true.

Again, taking the 'rap' for a criminal child isn't teaching them consequences of their actions.No one goes to prison nowadays for minor offences..In UK at any rate.

I'm just finishing season 9 and thought the same thing

I'm watching the newest episode and entirely agree.

Where are you watching the old ones?

I remember reading on MN about a woman who's DSD needed a transplant
That’s totally not the same as your own child though.

No and no.

What a very bizarre thread . There are no words for the halfwit who is very happy that her husband said he'd push her under a bus to save their children. Who even has those kind of conversations?

No I wouldn't kill DH to save my child, because logically it likely wouldn't work, I would get caught and then my DC would have no parents and probably no organ. I also have other DC to think about.
I don't think that this implausible situation says anything about how your value your DC in comparison to your DH

@Raimona - but the DH was happy to risk his DW's life for his own child. DW wouldn't do it as she had her child to consider. Similar I thought.

Any thread where people talk about how brave they would be "running in to a burning building" etc I always think, you have no idea. I'm a nurse and can tell you, when it comes to pain, people aren't brave at all. Which I totally understand and don't judge, I'm not brave myself. But if you cry from the pain of a canulla being inserted or a vaccination, there's no way you'd get burned for your dc.

OK, so although a made scinerio, how would you think the child would feel knowing their dad/mum/step parent purposely died in order to save them? I don't think I could live with the guilt knowing a parent had done this for me, aswel as missing and never seeing the parent in my life ever again.

I haven’t read the full thread but I remember someone saying in the past that they would save their spouse over their child, as they could always have another baby, but they couldn’t find another spouse to grow old with.

That stayed with me!

There's plenty of mothers and fathers that don't even move their children from abusive situations, never mind giving up their life or killing their partner for the good of their children. The choices are never clear cut and you have no idea at all how you would respond in these situation. Though I wouldn't be going to prison for my children. If they did something that deserved prison then they face up to it.

Omg, no!! I would not kill someone else, no matter who, so my child could survive. Yes I'd rescue my child first, but no I would not kill or encourage someone else to give up their life for someone else.

@SqidgeBum

Yes. To all. I would probably encourage my husband to sacrifice himself for our kid, but to be honest, I know he would. The going ro jail for a crime thing is a nice brainer. If I knew my kid would die in jail I would fake it and take her place. Basically, kid ALWAYS comes before me and my husband. Always.

I think I saw the post you refer to, and I turned to my husband and said 'if you had to push me under a bus to save our kids, would you?' And he said yes without hesitating. I was very happy because I would never forgive him if he put me before them. We both love the kids more than we love each other.

wow, really?

I wouldn't.
I wouldn't kill someone to save someone else, where does that even lead us?
So, does that fact that my child is under 18 make a difference? Because what if my MIL decided to kill me to save HER child that I was about to murder?

Everyone is someone's child.
In the push under bus scenario, I think in reality 90% of people would freeze and scream, hypothetical situations are hopeless because you don't do what you think you would do.
In the trolley line and you have to change the points, most people would stick with the run the trolley is on. Do nothing is the default in these situations.
There was a poster a few years ago who replied on one of these threads, she had always said - kids first. But then they were in a car crash and without thinking she got her dh free first. Together they then got the dc out, but she said that wasn't a conscious choice, she just got him out first and was a bit shocked afterwards that that was what she had done.
If I had a choice, I THINK I would save my kids first. But I would never kill one person to save another.

No. I wouldn't kill anyone for anyone else, even my child. Nor would I commit suicide, because a life growing up without a mother who has died for you is too much to give a child.

@Wannabefarmer

I'd sacrifice ex DP for a jaffa cake. Smug twat that he is.

No wouldn't kill dh for dc, and I wouldn't encourage suicide. What a way to totally fuck up your kid...talk about either creating a right entitled little monster - people should kill to save them? Or devastating their mental health that their parent took their life to save them - how could your child live with themselves - that they caused someone else's death. No no no!

@MintyMabel Amazon Prime.

I never thought to give it a chance before but it's surprisingly easy to watch.

How would a child ever reconcile their life being saved by a parent being murdered or having taken their life to facilitate said life ??

Serious mental torment would ensue- survivors guilt.

It's not a straightforward as some are implying.

Thank you so much for responses, and for the humour!

I’m not a journo and have no idea how to go about proving that I’m not, but I know they pick out stories so can understand the suspicion.

Particularly interested by the comments that parenting is not about grand gestures but the constant, small (by comparison) sacrifices.

A beautiful comment about clearing a path of bramble to carry on with life.

Especially thank you to those who have shared their own deeply personal experiences to provide experience and insight.

I’ve no problem personally with those going off on a tangent to widen the debate, it’s a good thing.

To those who say it’s a bad, thread, and too weird, sorry it’s not for you, but I guess you won’t be back to read this!