AIBU- £350 bridesmaids dresses

[Youbigdosser]

Me and my sister have been asked to be bridesmaids to our cousin we used to be very close to.
We aren’t short of money but the dresses she has chosen for us to wear and asked us to pay for ourselves are £350 each.
I wouldn’t say no and look cheap but if it was my wedding I’d never ask this of someone. Is she a cf?
Would you pay?
YABU- just go with it
YANBU- she is a cf!

@Runnerduck34

£350 for a bridesmaid dress is probably within normal range of cost. Asking you to pay for it is a bit off unless she made it clear at the beginning, but if you can afford it just buy it

Not in my world it's not within range

I have decided to get my mum to tell her mum that we don’t want to pay that amount
See how that goes down

She wants it, she pays for it

YANBU. I think asking someone to be a bridesmaid and then expecting them to pay for anything to do with clothes, hair, makeup etc is beyond rude. If you as the bride or groom can't afford it in your wedding budget, then you don't have bridesmaids. Tbh, I find the whole bridesmaid thing a bit nauseous anyway. But yeah, its the height of cheeky fuckery to expect bridesmaid to pay for anything.

Do you think your Aunt knows you've been asked to pay for your own dresses? Are you generally seen as having "lots of money" - the "rich" cousins or something?

Maybe her friends declined the offer and that's why she asked you and your sister knowing you wouldn't.

OP your mum will end up being told to fund it, if you go down that route, although I can see why it is tempting to ask her to deal with it.

Is it your mum's sister?

I guess if this is something which is important to your parents (keeping the peace and the bride happy) they can choose to spend the money. But what a spoiled brat that woman is!

B&G pay surely

OP your mum will end up being told to fund it

That would be awful if they asked that. Imagine how the rest of this is going to pan out!

I think you need to woman up on this one and have the conversation with the bride! It's absolutely outrageous that she expects you both to pay this. Have a united front with DS and speak to her together, ideally in person but failing that text or email if you are more comfortable.

I've been a BM several times, on every occasion the dress was provided and I was gifted costume jewellery to wear on the day. On some occasions the shoes have been provided, on others I've just been asked to wear silver shoes I'm comfortable wearing. On some occasions my hair has been funded too.

At my wedding the BM dresses I wanted went on sale at the perfect time, so that allowed me to pay for their makeup on top of the hair, jewellery & shoes I was always planning to fund. My DH covered the full cost of suit hire for his BMan & ushers.

In my experience it's unusual that even gorgeous BM dresses get worn again. That's why I think the Bride should fund the dresses as she's asking for people to wear them. Clearly she's unwilling to pay £700!

I have decided to get my mum to tell her mum that we don’t want to pay that amount
See how that goes down

good .... and stick to saying No

Someone else said earlier that it's not just £350. It'll be £350 plus hair and make up, shoes, hotel, money for the evening do and drinks during the day, wedding card and gift, hen do. The list is endless. Sticking 350 on top of all that makes for a very expensive weekend

If you and your sister stand together, then this can be sorted.

Text or say
"X and I have been talking. We are happy to wear that dress, but only if you pay for it as it's really expensive and we aren't going to get any other opportunities to wear it. We are happy to pay for a much cheaper dress up to £x or contribute that amount to this particular dress, or we would be happy to pay £x if we know we would be able to wear it again. Sorry to disappoint you, but can we have a rethink over what happens. It's just too expensive for a dress we'll never wear again"

Yeah, fuck that.

Also a great text.

I wouldn’t say no and look cheap

This ^ is the only thing YABU about, and your other post on P4 where you said you will probably just pay it.

How old are you OP? as the 'asking my Mum to speak to her Mum' all sounds a bit childish. Presuming you are all adults, the sensible thing to do is to have conversation with the bride - even better if your sister agrees - and explain to her that, you understand she might not have been involved in planning a wedding before, but etiquette dictates that if people are dressing up to suit the bride (and same applies to Groom / Best Man / Ushers) then the B&G pay for that, as part of the wedding expenses.

There will be exceptions - my dh's friend asked him if he would mind buying a matching suit when he was usher at his wedding a few years back. It was okay because dh needed a new suit anyway, has worn it since to various other occasions, and dh and his friend are very close and friend was on a very limited budget / was very much a DIY wedding. That was different. Even then, he asked and asked if dh minded and said it didn't matter if he didn't want to he could just come in a suit he had.

If a B or G is dictating anyone must dress in certain way then they pay for that item - including shoes, hair, make up. accessories if they want them all matchy matchy.

I've been a bridesmaid seven times and I (or my mum when I was little) always paid for my dress. Doesn't seem to be that way now. My recently married niece paid for everything except for bridesmaid's shoes. They were fine with that because they each chose the style they liked and they could be worn again. They also recived a thank you gift. Talking to others who have got/are getting married more recently it seems this is the way it is now and so it should be tbh.

Same with suits for best man, ushers etc. Bride & groom paid.

IME brides always paid for bridesmaids outfits. It seems a very recent thing of brides expecting bridesmaids to pay anything. And each time I've been a bridesmaid I have received lovely jewellery as a thank you gift. The bride pays.

Why can’t you just say it is too much? That’s not being cheap! Some conversations are awkward but I think people know that and use it to be cheeky.

We were on a very tight budget, but we bought the bridesmaids' dresses and cut back in other areas (only invited 30 to the sit-down wedding breakfast, made our own table decorations, etc)
We found a great local dressmaker who designed & made them for £125 & £150 (nearly 20 years ago) after discussing preferred styles with the two bridesmaids. They were completely different styles, but in an antique gold colour that both bridesmaids liked.
I'd be inclined to say I couldn't afford to be their bridesmaid & ask them to choose somebody else.

I would say to her it's too expensive. If she wants you to wear it, she has to pay. If she wants you to pay, you pick the dress and, therefore, the price. She could still pick the colour.

YANBU if the bridesmaids choose the dress with some feedback from the bride then they pay or contribute. If the bride dictates the dresses the bride pays. Even if you are happy to contribute £350 is too much to ask.

Bloody hell. I’m getting married this year and I’ve paid for my bridesmaid dresses, I sent them websites to choose their dresses and paid.

I want them to be my bridesmaids, they’re my closest female friends and relatives.

Could you bow out of the bridesmaid role?

Mine were £50 each from Debenhams. They were stretch so didn't need altering and could be worn after the wedding. We paid for them. Anything else is crazy.