AIBU- £350 bridesmaids dresses

[Youbigdosser]

Me and my sister have been asked to be bridesmaids to our cousin we used to be very close to.
We aren’t short of money but the dresses she has chosen for us to wear and asked us to pay for ourselves are £350 each.
I wouldn’t say no and look cheap but if it was my wedding I’d never ask this of someone. Is she a cf?
Would you pay?
YABU- just go with it
YANBU- she is a cf!

YADNBU and she is a CF. Bride pays for the bridesmaids' dresses, end of. So she should have the number of bridesmaids and choose dresses that she can afford (and yes, £350 is very expensive for a bridesmaid dress, but even if it was a more reasonable price you shouldn't have to pay for it yourself as it's her choice). And I say that as someone planning my wedding currently, and shall be paying for my bridesmaid's dress (and hair and make up) - I have something in mind which I think / hope she'll like and I certainly wouldn't want to make her wear anything she doesn't like.

Say sorry I can’t afford this I will have to step down, I have had a few unexpected expenses during lockdown and leave it at that. If she offers to pay say that’s very kind and accept

[quote Youbigdosser]@P999 we are the only bridesmaids that’s why we will probably just end up paying.[/quote]
That makes no sense.

As there's only two that makes it more reasonable for the bride to pay.

Lovely dress. Wear it at your own wedding.

I wouldn't pay that for a bridesmaids dress even if I had the money. What a waste of money. and yes, she is a CF.

Cfcfcfc

just saw the dress. What a monstrosity. You will never wear that again. £350 for some landfill it is. no way.

That's a huge amount of money for a dress.

"I'm so sorry, dear cousin, but I can's afford this dress. Can you choose something less dear, or perhaps I can choose something myself in the colour of your choice?"

I think it’s unreasonable of the B&G to ask you to pay for a dress that they have chosen. Can they be hired? If they can’t afford it then perhaps the B&G should just outline colour & style & let you choose something suitable.

I like pp’s suggestion of saying you can’t afford to be her bridesmaid.

@Alexandernevermind

No! It’s definitely not an American thing. When I married, I bought all my bridesmaids dresses. Everyone I know did the same.

Very tacky & low class to do otherwise. I think it’s something that’s just come about in the last 10, 15 years or so. I don’t get it.

The “gift” is being in the wedding - period.

The “gift” is definitely not purchasing a dress, shoes, jewelry, bag, etc, etc, and, potentially, a wedding gift.
^That’s robbery.

How often are you going to wear the dresses? Decline being a bridesmaid and use Covid 19 as an excuse if it makes it easier.

If they choose - they pay! I was a bridesmaid, knew the budget was small and she said 'just wear something purple' I got a deep purple bridesmaid dress off ebay for £20.

No way if she chose something like that would I buy my own dress!! She is being a CF and trying to save cash but not willing to give up the dresses she wants. Either she chooses and pays or you choose and you pay. End of.

YANBU. That isn’t far off what I paid for my actual wedding dress. I think people have had their perspective thrown out the window by reality tv expectations

Just don't do it what a bloody cheek.

YANBU.... that is twice the cost of any other dress.

Just contact her together and say thank you for your lovely request for us to be bridesmaids, we would love to but we will sadly have to decline as the cost of the dress is far too high.

Don't give any reasoning. It doesn't matter if you can afford it, you don't WANT to pay that amount and that's your right.

I wouldn't pay it and your cousin is a CF. She has no right to up the ante of her wedding day at your expense.

"I have decided to get my mum to tell her mum that we don’t want to pay that amount
See how that goes down"

Don't be daft, contact her yourself.

Nope.nope.nope.
I have a big family, sisters, cousins and nieces. I had 15 bridesmaids. I saved £1500 to pay for their dresses £100 each. Because I was buying so many got high quality made to measure dresses! Of I couldn't afford the dresses I wanted I wouldn't have asked them to pay I would have given them a colour and allowed them but their own with their own money. £350 is a disgrace and extremely cheeky

No. You don't pay for your dresses. It is not done. They clearly don't know wedding etiquette.

I do agree with everyone else (bridesmaids dresses should be paid for by the bride, if she asks for them back to sell after the event to recoup some of the cost, then so be it. If you want to keep the dress, you should offer to pay for it).

But I think you'll either have to suck it up or risk an almighty row. But if it's the latter then you can rest assured you are in the right!

@Youbigdosser

I have decided to get my mum to tell her mum that we don’t want to pay that amount See how that goes down

No. Because then there will be attempts at getting your parents to pay.

Get your mum to tell your aunt that bride pays for the dresses in the UK.

That's my annual clothing budget in one dress! Including underwear, and sometimes any shoes get squeezed into that as well.

When I was MoH at a friends wedding, she just asked me to wear anything purple (like a pp above). Hair was included, I don't tend to wear make up just mascara & eye liner for going out, and had shoes already that went OK with the suit I wore that was in my wardrobe. I would have maybe bought something else to wear, but money was tight, it was an expensive hotel (she paid for one night), and I had a 400 mile drive each way to pay for.

£350??? Wow!!

My bridesmaids dresses were £35! Both of my bridesmaids offered to pay but I refused! I certainly wouldn’t have expected them to pay £350! My wedding dress was cheaper than that!

If the bride wants those dresses then she should pay.

That's going to be an expensive wedding. What else will you be expected to pay for? Hair, makeup, shoes, accessories? Gift? Accommodation? And then theres the hen do(s) (what is it with multiple hens these days)? If you're not careful you could easily be £1k+ out of pocket by the end.

So you have to pay for a dress she wants?
Zero chance that would be happening! Ridiculous waste of money.