Sorry to hear OP everything you’re going through. Please get advice from women’s aid agencies if you feel threatened and stay strong about what you want for your own life with your children.
I can’t give much advice really but will share with you how an unwanted move has impacted on my life. I’m not trying to persuade you to either go or stay, that must be your choice but I’ve been in a similar position to you in a way.
We ( my dh and kids) were renting in Greater London - south east area for 10
years or so quite happily, when my landlord put up the rent by £400 per month. We couldn’t afford it so my DH with his parents help bought a house in a smallish town in Kent. We moved here 5 years ago.
I didn’t want to move. Absolutely did not want to move ! I stayed in London until the last day, got the train and my gut feeling was no, I’m going to hate it! I was crying ! But I know we didn’t have much choice financially. I didn’t know anyone here at all and although buying a home is a great investment, I knew nothing about the specific area (although I had lived in Ashford for 2 years in my early 20’s & taught in a local school) . My dh knew I wasn’t keen at all to move back to Kent but I moved for the sake of the family finances.
I hated the house he wanted to buy too! A 60’s fugly box on a dull retirement estate with no community atmosphere plus the house needed 40k of work. Man who lived here before had left it for years to just rot. 60’s everything - shabby! Not chic. Not retro. Just vile. But my DH went ahead despite my hating it. He of course continued his daily life in London and has social life & friends ( apart from a longer commute) really while mine and the kids lives changed completely.
My brood ended up in a below average school as well when schools in our patch of London had been. excellent. I am still annoyed about moving from those schools! I warned my DH about Kent secondaries being poor but he ignored me. I have made few friends as this area. I’m a Christian and my Catholic Church is full of more mature residents who don’t really welcome younger people. Sorry if I sound ageist. I’m not at all - I’m just not retired yet and all the activities in church revolved around that age group so I felt out of place. It’s a very conservative insular town overall with a few estates (everyone knows everyone else ) and definitely not multicultural.
I can’t drive so have to get bus or train everywhere. It’s not the absolute middle of no where and has the HS1 but after living in London for a long time, it’s a provincial hell. At least villages often have a good community- people here just ignore each other.
Despite my being raised in the countryside as a child, I cannot adjust to this very odd town that is so quaint on the outside, yet twee, unfriendly and snobby when you live here. I’ve really struggled. But I stay for the kids and don’t want the trauma of separation. My DH is a lovely really man although we have our issues but we have been together 20 years and on many other levels we work well. He says well we have made a profit and although I agree, it’s come at the price of my sense of contentment plus my kids education. I used to think renting was terrible but I see the advantages now.
Yes the south east is good for London and jobs etc but hmmm— I hate the place. I’m not ungrateful for what I have, quite the reverse! I’m lucky I know that. But being stuck in a boring, retirement town (fine if you are retired but I’m not there yet!) has made me so so resentful of my DH it’s virtually destroyed our relationship. He just went ahead because he had the deposit. I was left with no choice.
We row about moving here often and although I’ve sucked it up and thought well ok I’ve got lemons, I’ll make lemonade - I’m deep down so unhappy here I could go mad. I can’t ever like Kent that much- probably as I have no support or family here. I feel like a fish out of water- still after 5 years! Not sure I could have changed things, but I regret moving to ‘ Fucking F @@@@@@@‘ more than I can say!
All situations are different. But if you do have a choice, then think very carefully before you jump. Once your kids are settled, moving yet again will be very difficult indeed for them. Plus,if the house is in his name only, you might be homeless if you split. That’s really worth considering. Because gives him all the power and control. Don’t give him that. Stay firm about what you want. I hope you find a way through for you and your children’s future. Good luck 