Neighbours and dogs

[Mybad90]

So we have a 1 year old dog that we have had since a puppy and we have recently welcomed a new pup into our family. I am home most days with our dogs but obviously we go on family days out because we have a 3 year old child. Our 1 year old dog suffers with separation anxiety and he barks and yelps and cries the whole time we’re gone. I always have checked in with the neighbours to ask how he has been and kept them in the loop with the new things we are trying so they’re aware that we’re not ignoring the behaviour. Up to now we have tried plug ins that release a pheromone, trying different rooms in the house, blinds closed/open, tv on, radio on and now we have booked a animal behaviourist after asking for advice at the vets. We NEVER leave him on a night time and it’s nots everyday just whenever we go out for the day or an hour here and there when we go shopping or to my mums etc..

Neighbours had a party a few weeks ago late at night in their back garden (my sons bedroom is at the back) and he was woken by them all shrieking and shouting. Now I don’t care for them having a party here and there because it’s just one of them things but had it been me I would have atleast messaged to let them know and I would be trying to keep the party from screaming etc but they didn’t bother mentioning anything to us. So since this I haven’t really bothered checking in with them about the dog when we go out and I’ve stopped trying to organise a dog sitter every time we go out because it’s just not feasible.

I have been for a couple of days out this week with my child as we’ve been in lockdown for around 4 months and I’ve had a pissy message from them saying it’s ridiculous and needs sorting out because they can’t listen to it everyday. I’m not really sure what they want us to do? We are trying to sort something out?! There’s not much more I can do atm until we’ve atleast seen an animal behaviourist and tried different things out, obviously it’s not going to be an overnight bloody thing?! I appreciate that it can be annoying but their dog barks every time they go out as well! Not to mention that their kids are up all night playing video games and you can hear them very loud and clearly through my sons bedroom wall.. of course I’ve never raised an issue about any of it because I’m sure they could be doing worse things and I’m not going to pick at every single household noise...

AIBU? I’m on edge everytime I have to leave the house now.. thanks guys.

You shouldn't be leaving your dog for days out.

Have you told them their dc are keeping you awake and that their dog barks every time they leave the house too? While you shouldn’t do tit for tat, they need to know that it isn’t just them suffering!

Why do you keep going for days out if you know your dog is so stressed and yelps, barks and whines the whole time? Poor dog, and poor neighbours tbh. I feel sorry for everyone but you. Find someone to look after your dog if you'll be going out, or rehome him with people that aren't going to leave him a quivering wreck whenever they feel like it.

I'd be calling the RSPCA. YABVU towards your neighbours and YABVVVU towards the poor dog.

Please take your dog to doggy daycare or organise a dogsitter to your home for your days out. YAB completely unreasonable to leave your poor pup so stressed.

Your neighbours have my totally sympathy. You sound like you have no empathy for your dog and your neighbours.
I'd be reporting you to the rspca.

Why don’t u look into doggie daycare for days you are out or plan days out which can involve the dog. It’s not reasonable to visit your issues on the neighbours

Take the dog with you when you go out. Its not fair on anyone if he is left to bark and yelp. How long does their dog bark for.

Sorry but a one off party in no way compares to the daily barking and whining if your dog. Either get a dog sitter/take to a doggy daycare or don't go on days out without someone being at home.

You had no right getting a second dog when you clearly have no clue how to train or manage the existing one.

You need to put the dog in doggy daycare when you go out or only go places where you can take the dog.

Your dog has acute anxiety. You're making it worse by leaving it for long periods.
He likely needs anti-anxiety medication and strict counter conditioning training. Plus optimising husbandry.

Do you do any separation training at all?
Eg do you leave him in a different room with a lovely treat to keep him occupied whilst you're at home?

You have to teach your dog that being alone is ok. Does he have a nice cosy safe haven he can snuggle into? Do you give him a range of puzzle feeders, lick mats or other enrichment to keep him occupied when he's alone?
Does he get a nice long walk before you go out so he's tired and more likely to relax/sleep.
Do you do any training/nosework?

Looking after your dog shouldn't be for the benefit of your neighbours but for the benefit of the dog.
Dont leave your dog to be distressed when you leave just to spite your neighbours. Get your dog a trainer and work on it, help the poor dog.

Also, cant imagine expecting a heads up from my neighbour that they're having a party unless they were planning on using my house.

Don't leave your dog on its own

Have a look online or facebook at BorrowMyDoggy - might be worth a try. I think you pay an annual fee and people look after your dog for free.
I watched Graeme Hall and there was a dog like this.
He got it sorted in a very short time.
You leave, then go back after 1 minute. Fuss etc..
Then 2 minutes, 5 minutes, half hour, etc......
You work up to it.
I hope you can get it sorted OP.
But I agree, until you have the time to properly train like the above then do things where you can take the dog with you.

A one off party doesn't cancel out a year of dog barking whenever it is on its own.
I don't bother checking with my neighbour if I'm going to be doing something noisy (DIY for example) as they are constantly noisy.

I have neighbours like you and it causes me so much stress and anxiety having to listen to their dog all day and being woken by it too. They have the self pity attitude like you and think it’s acceptable to treat people like this. Don’t make yourself the victim, getting ‘back at them’ for having a party is ridiculous, that was presumably for a few hours whereas they listen to your dog constantly. Get a dog sitter when you’re not home, pay a dog trainer to work with you or rehome the poor thing.

Your dog's separation anxiety is so bad that he screams all day? Gosh, that's bad. You need to organise doggie day care or a professional dog walker. Don't be frightened to pull up the neighbours on their noise but if you can hear their kids gaming, your dogs distressed howling must be unbearable.

YABVU. Dogs aren’t cats. You don’t go out for the day and leave them home alone.

You cannot leave them for longer than 4 hours max, and that’s only when they’re ok with being left alone for brief periods. At 1 year old, it’s still very young, probably equivalent to a pre-teen child.

I’m surprised your furniture isn’t chewed to bits and souled on, to be honest.

Think about re -homing him if he really suffers that badly , I work from home and I would feel very sad for him if I could hear him crying and whining all the time
Your neighbours aren't being unreasonable having the odd party , but you can't expect them to keep listening out for your dog and reporting back to you when you know he does it.
I hope you find a solution before you and the neighbours potentially fall out

I don’t understand why you have dogs but go out all day and leave them. Why not take the dogs with you. It’s unreasonable to expect your neighbours to put up your noise.

YABU...

Not the neighbours, bugger them..

YABU because your concern about your dog is more that he may annoy the neighbours and less than the dog may be in fact suffering extreme distress...

Do you seriously think that repeatedly exposing your dog to a situation that causes distress, will help?

Have a free tip from me - don't leave your dog alone to experience that distress, to fix separation related problems, that is your first step and it is what your behaviourist will tell you IF they know what they are doing.

Please don't keep leaving your dog until you see the behaviourist, and if they tell you you can fix separation anxiety AND still continue to leave your dog to bark and be distressed, they are massively unethical and won't cure your dog.

Have half of you even read my post? I very rarely leave my dog at home 🙈! I can’t stay in every single day with a 3 year old we are entitled to go on days out.. i was finding dog sitters for him but this isn’t feasible. I’m not ignoring the situation I am trying different solutions. We’ve been on 2 days out in the last 5 months I would hardy say that’s excessive and cruel on my dog. He is also booked to see an animal behaviourist. Their dog also barks when they go out. It’s also not tit for tat at all I have always gotten along with them and always apologise and keep them in the loop, it’s only been a problem this past week because he has had a drink and wanted to stay in bed all day. As for the party, if you read it, it was way after 11pm so yes it would have been common courtesy to let us know. Wow I cannot believe the responses from you all, this isn’t something in my control and I’m trying very hard to find a solution.

I’m a dog owner and I think YABU. Constant dog barking crying noises would annoy me too.

You need to work on the separation anxiety. Invest in a dog behaviourist and tell your neighbours your plan of how you are going to resolve this issue.

You can't leave your dog at home like this - I'm really sorry OP but it's cruel and I'm surprised nobody has reported you.

I have a dog with separation anxiety and I know it's bloody restrictive but that's what you sign up for when you get a dog - even if they're happy alone, you really shouldn't be leaving them all day anyway! It's wrong.

Get a dog walker, a pet-sitter or fork out for daycare. If you can't give your dogs what they need, then maybe you shouldn't have them?

YABVU, your poor dog and poor neighbours. If it's barking and yelping it is very obviously distressed and yet you continue to cause it more distress. You need to address the issue with support from a vet and a behaviourist and stop leaving the poor animal.
We have an elderly dog who can be left happily but anything over a couple of hours she goes to family because dogs like company and can't be left whilst you go on days out.