Neighbours and dogs

[Mybad90]

So we have a 1 year old dog that we have had since a puppy and we have recently welcomed a new pup into our family. I am home most days with our dogs but obviously we go on family days out because we have a 3 year old child. Our 1 year old dog suffers with separation anxiety and he barks and yelps and cries the whole time we’re gone. I always have checked in with the neighbours to ask how he has been and kept them in the loop with the new things we are trying so they’re aware that we’re not ignoring the behaviour. Up to now we have tried plug ins that release a pheromone, trying different rooms in the house, blinds closed/open, tv on, radio on and now we have booked a animal behaviourist after asking for advice at the vets. We NEVER leave him on a night time and it’s nots everyday just whenever we go out for the day or an hour here and there when we go shopping or to my mums etc..

Neighbours had a party a few weeks ago late at night in their back garden (my sons bedroom is at the back) and he was woken by them all shrieking and shouting. Now I don’t care for them having a party here and there because it’s just one of them things but had it been me I would have atleast messaged to let them know and I would be trying to keep the party from screaming etc but they didn’t bother mentioning anything to us. So since this I haven’t really bothered checking in with them about the dog when we go out and I’ve stopped trying to organise a dog sitter every time we go out because it’s just not feasible.

I have been for a couple of days out this week with my child as we’ve been in lockdown for around 4 months and I’ve had a pissy message from them saying it’s ridiculous and needs sorting out because they can’t listen to it everyday. I’m not really sure what they want us to do? We are trying to sort something out?! There’s not much more I can do atm until we’ve atleast seen an animal behaviourist and tried different things out, obviously it’s not going to be an overnight bloody thing?! I appreciate that it can be annoying but their dog barks every time they go out as well! Not to mention that their kids are up all night playing video games and you can hear them very loud and clearly through my sons bedroom wall.. of course I’ve never raised an issue about any of it because I’m sure they could be doing worse things and I’m not going to pick at every single household noise...

AIBU? I’m on edge everytime I have to leave the house now.. thanks guys.

I am sorry but I agree with the people saying YABU. You have been with your dog nearly every single day since lockdown and suddenly you are leaving the dog. This is not a good idea.

You are also being very rude to people who are giving their opinions on a question you asked. I assume you were under the impression that everyone would agree with your point of view.

Why not either take your dog with you on days out or wait until you have had some sessions with the behaviourist and they can advise the best way to handle this difficult situation.

It is very cruel to leave your dog when you know they are going to be so distressed and it is very upsetting for your neighbours having to listen to an animal in distress over a whole day. Separation anxiety is not just random barking.

Sod the neighbours. Its your dog I feel sorry for.

My dogs thrive on routine, perhaps if you told us whether you had set times for walking etc we could help?
We crate trained all of our dogs. We would leave them for short periods and ignore when we came back to the house if they barked, we let them out and gave lots of fuss when they settled. Now if we do go out they will settle beautifully without crates. If we are out for a full day we will always arrange daycare or someone to drop in a couple of times a day.

All my life we have had dogs and because we have treated and looked after them properly, treating them as sentient beings, none of them have needed an animal behaviourist.

Don't blame the poor dog where it's your fault.

My dog was like this I got him training they now only bark if someone is in our drive or there’s a cat

Have half of you even read my post? I very rarely leave my dog at home 🙈!

I read it. "Rarely" is not the same as "never". Why on Earth would you get another dog when you have problems with the one you already have?

I can’t stay in every single day with a 3 year old we are entitled to go on days out.. i was finding dog sitters for him but this isn’t feasible.

You aren't entitled to go on days out of you can't find care for your dog. Find a dog sitter, go on dog friendly days out or don't go.

When you say 2 days, do you mean to say you left them for the WHOLE day? You can't do that!!!! It's beyond cruel, particularly for dogs who have recently become used to people being home all day, every day.
Bottom line is, if you can't find someone to have them/visit them/walk them/whatever whilst you're out, then YOU DON'T GO!!!
But they're going to need training up in small doses towards being left in future, although that may be a difficult thing now you've let it get this bad.
If you can't look after dogs properly, please see about re-homing them (responsibly!!!).

Unless you’re going to incorporate your dog into your outings then your dog needs re-homing as it’s totally unfair to leave a dog all day like this.

You and your neighbours both sound very unreasonable.

Train him.
It takes time and work but it's completely possible to train a dog out of separation anxiety.

Stop wasting money on plug in 's and the like and follow the advice of the behaviourist you've booked.

"Your dog has acute anxiety. You're making it worse by leaving it for long periods.
He likely needs anti-anxiety medication and strict counter conditioning training. Plus optimising husbandry.
Do you do any separation training at all?
Eg do you leave him in a different room with a lovely treat to keep him occupied whilst you're at home?
You have to teach your dog that being alone is ok. Does he have a nice cosy safe haven he can snuggle into? Do you give him a range of puzzle feeders, lick mats or other enrichment to keep him occupied when he's alone?
Does he get a nice long walk before you go out so he's tired and more likely to relax/sleep.
Do you do any training/nosework?"

OP, have you tried what Veterinari has mentioned above? You say you've "booked to see an animal behaviourist" which suggests you've not had advice from one yet, so what have you tried? One thing that the behaviourist is bound to ask you to do is desensitisation training where you slowly get the dog used to being left. It's unfair to leave the dog for longer than it can remain calm, so at this stage you should not be leaving him.

It sounds like he's been so used to always being with you and never been trained to accept being apart from you. How are you going to avoid the same thing happening to the new pup?

Oh dear.

What sort of dog is it?

Some dogs never get over their separation anxiety.

I speak from bitter experience of an anxious but much loved orange roan cocker spaniel who has had this problem for 9 years and will kick off with howling if we so much as walk to the post box at the end of the road and back.

Years ago, we went through all the ‘remedies’ you have listed and more, apart from re-homing (inconceivable) or moving to a detached house (seriously considered at one point!).

We have learned to deal with it by making sure one person always stays behind (no more family restaurant outings), we find dog friendly pubs etc and we spend a small fortune on dog crèches and babysitters. There are still occasions eg trips to the doctor and so on when she kicks off. It’s very stressful. We just have to rush back as quickly as we can.

If you are not up for it, you should re-home now. Don’t expect a cure, because there may well not be one.

We've only left our dog for more than about 3 hours once since we got her in April 2019. We go out on day trips etc with the dog in tow....and she doesn't have separation anxiety. She has a nightly ''goodnight bark'' in the back yard for about 3 minutes, when all the dogs in the adjoining gardens seem to say goodnight to each other. Other than that, our neighbours would barely know she's there and we live in terraced accommodation so lots of neighbours close by. As far as I'm concerned she's one of the family and should be treated as such. Yes it limits what we can do but that's what being a responsible dog owner is all about, sorry.

I put up with barking dogs next door for years. It's only now that they've moved that I know that if it ever happens again, I won't put up with it. I will be neighbour from hell until the barking is resolved. I never want to live next door to that kind of hell again.

Neighbours with barking dogs who care more about their dogs than their neighbours are selfish dicks.

If I'm honest, I'm not sure why you got a second dog when you're struggling with the one you have.

and he barks and yelps and cries the whole time we’re gone.

Dear God that would drive me batty if you were my neighbour.

In fact you WERE my neighbour (and I think I might have a thread here somewhere). She said "we're all in this together" - meaning all the neighbours. Err no, we're not.

I can’t stay in every single day with a 3 year old we are entitled to go on days out

You lose that entitlement if you become responsible for an animal that can't be left alone.

Sorry OP but PPs are right, YABVU.
You really can't just get a dog and expect it to just be fine with being left on its own for hours from day one. At the very least the minute you realised it was distressed you shouldn't have just left it again.
We spent 6 months building up the time we left our dog, starting with literally just leaving the house and walking to the end of the street and back again, and built the time left up in minutes. It really has to be that gradual. Even now we will always look to take him with us when we go out if possible and if not he's not left for more than 4 hours (or he goes to a sitter). Anything else is just unfair on the poor dog.

Our neighbours have a dog that starts barking at 5:15am when they go out to work and stops when they return at about 3pm. It wakes me up an hour before I need to be up. It also makes teleworking hugely unpleasant. As far as neighbour is concerned, dog doesn't bark. Difficult to make an official complaint about it as they are the end house, so even though the dog can be heard from the street, we are the only people who would be actually suffering from the noise their dog makes.
Thanks for making the effort to see a behaviourist. I hope you find a solution.

YABU. I think you're lying about going out twice in 5 months. Else why would you need an animal behaviourist if it were as rare as that?

I'm currently sat listening to my downstairs neighbours dog constantly bark - it does this from when he leaves at work at 9am until he comes home at 6pm. Every single fucking day of the week (and sometimes weekends too, if he works them) And when I say 'constant' I mean constant...it doesn't take a break for even 30 seconds.

Last October he went away for a week and the dog barked the whole time. Day and night solidly for 7 long days, 24 hours each of those days. At night it wouldn't just be barking, it would be full on howling, it ended up sounding like someone in agony. During this I heard his sister (who used to come and feed it/let it out once a day for usually about 30 minutes) telling another neighbour that the dog was 17 years old, in poor health and her brother had been advised to have it put to sleep, but he was being stubborn. She sounded really pissed off - probably because the neighbour was complaining to her about the constant barking.

You do have control - you know you have a dog with separation anxiety. Get it help or get it rehomed with someone who will. If my neighbour leaves that dog alone for more than one day in the future I will be reporting it him to the RSPCA. I'm seriously now at the point that I hope it dies soon of old age.

Sorry OP, but the whole situation is just not on.
And you went and got another one? Pets aren’t toys you know. You can’t provide a happy life for the dog you’ve already got!
As for being childish because your neighbours dared have a party, I’d be having lots if I were then. You sound like an absolute nightmare neighbour and awful pet owner

@paap1975 you're not the only one suffering, the dog next door to you is too.

Have I missed a post? Where does the OP say she has a second dog @CuppaZa ?

@Veterinari

Have I missed a post? Where does the OP say she has a second dog *@CuppaZa* ?

It’s in the opening line of the OP:

So we have a 1 year old dog that we have had since a puppy and we have recently welcomed a new pup into our family.

Until you get this sorted you’re being very unreasonable and it’s cruel to leave your dog so upset. Until you can stop him barking you need to take him with you or get a dog sitter.

You're an awful dog owner. No need to be defensive about it.