Neighbours and dogs

[Mybad90]

So we have a 1 year old dog that we have had since a puppy and we have recently welcomed a new pup into our family. I am home most days with our dogs but obviously we go on family days out because we have a 3 year old child. Our 1 year old dog suffers with separation anxiety and he barks and yelps and cries the whole time we’re gone. I always have checked in with the neighbours to ask how he has been and kept them in the loop with the new things we are trying so they’re aware that we’re not ignoring the behaviour. Up to now we have tried plug ins that release a pheromone, trying different rooms in the house, blinds closed/open, tv on, radio on and now we have booked a animal behaviourist after asking for advice at the vets. We NEVER leave him on a night time and it’s nots everyday just whenever we go out for the day or an hour here and there when we go shopping or to my mums etc..

Neighbours had a party a few weeks ago late at night in their back garden (my sons bedroom is at the back) and he was woken by them all shrieking and shouting. Now I don’t care for them having a party here and there because it’s just one of them things but had it been me I would have atleast messaged to let them know and I would be trying to keep the party from screaming etc but they didn’t bother mentioning anything to us. So since this I haven’t really bothered checking in with them about the dog when we go out and I’ve stopped trying to organise a dog sitter every time we go out because it’s just not feasible.

I have been for a couple of days out this week with my child as we’ve been in lockdown for around 4 months and I’ve had a pissy message from them saying it’s ridiculous and needs sorting out because they can’t listen to it everyday. I’m not really sure what they want us to do? We are trying to sort something out?! There’s not much more I can do atm until we’ve atleast seen an animal behaviourist and tried different things out, obviously it’s not going to be an overnight bloody thing?! I appreciate that it can be annoying but their dog barks every time they go out as well! Not to mention that their kids are up all night playing video games and you can hear them very loud and clearly through my sons bedroom wall.. of course I’ve never raised an issue about any of it because I’m sure they could be doing worse things and I’m not going to pick at every single household noise...

AIBU? I’m on edge everytime I have to leave the house now.. thanks guys.

You sound like my neighbour. Dog barks non stop all day long whilst she is sat in the house ignoring it and when she goes out. Dog never get walked or taken out with them on days out. Why get a dog if you are going to leave it at home. Get it sorted, or rehome the dog.

@LockdownQ

We have been on 2 days out in the last 5 months!

i was finding dog sitters for him but this isn’t feasible

Why not, if its only a few times a year?

It's not feasible because the OP doesn't want to get a dog sitter.

Meanwhile she continues to treat her dogs appallingly, just like my neighbours who have gone out yet again leaving their yappy dogs in the back garden in the rain.

Yes, you are being unreasonable. Based on your own posts, like it or not.

You may have only been out 2 days in the last 5 months, but they were both this week. So your neighours can see what's coming: summer outings while the poor dog loses the plot at home.

You've had the dog more than long enough to sort help, be it doggie day care or a dog sitter. If you can't afford it and he actually needs that, then you can't afford the dog.

There are so many days out that you could take your child and dog together, don’t pretend that the only way your kid gets a day out is if the dog stays home alone.

You say you've only left the dog for a day out twice in the past 5 months, and it would seem both of those days were this past week. This means, knowing the distress the dog is in, you chose to go out, after ages in, twice in a short time.
You said you had been checking in with your neighbours as to how the dog was coping when you were out. This was obviously pre-Lockdown or your post makes little sense. And, this would suggest that were previously leaving the dog on a regular basis.
You should have ensured - before you go out for extended periods - that the dog has overcome its separation anxiety. You are going to compound the problem and, in the end, it's the dog that suffers.
For now, could you not take the dogs with you? Maybe visit the park?
You obviously can't see it, but what you are doing is honestly cruel and I'd be really upset for the dog if I were your neighbour. I couldn't listen to that kind of distress.

YABU

@back2good

Yes, you are being unreasonable. Based on your own posts, like it or not.

You may have only been out 2 days in the last 5 months, but they were both this week. So your neighours can see what's coming: summer outings while the poor dog loses the plot at home.

You've had the dog more than long enough to sort help, be it doggie day care or a dog sitter. If you can't afford it and he actually needs that, then you can't afford the dog.

Exactly. Youve only been out twice in the last 5 months because until recently we were all on lockdown. I would bet my las tpenny if it hadn't been for lockdown, there would have been many more.

And you've ended up making a bad situation worse by bringing a second dog into the equation!

Someone get Paul O'Grady round, quick!

We too have neighbours who have the classic “ small and shrill “ dog
Fashion these days seems to be “ get a mongrel with a fancy name and never exercise it.”

Dog rescues are generally quite strict at who they Home to, but sadly anyone can buy a puppy farmed “designer dog” that costs £2k but are then reluctant to put the effort in.

YABU and you are mistreating this poor animal. If you cannot meet it's needs give it to someone who can.

Poor doggies.

Why get a second dog when you’ve failed to successfully train the first one?

So you went out twice in 5 months but you can’t get a dog sitter

i was finding dog sitters for him but this isn’t feasible.
Why is it suddenly now not feasible?

I am a dog owner and have an anxious dog. I arrange for friends or doggy day care to look after him while I’m out. We make an effort to go to dog friendly places 99% of the time. He’s even coming on my honeymoon.

Our 1 year old dog suffers with separation anxiety and he barks and yelps and cries the whole time we’re gone

Poor neighbours. And poor dog. You know the dog barks and yelps and you don't care - you pootle off on your wee days out and leave the neighbours to put up with the noise of your animal.

YAB completely U and horrendously selfish too.

Classic OP "AIBU?". 99% of mumsnet "hell yes!" OP no I'm not.

Yes you are OP. You can't leave a dog alone for a whole day. EVER!! Let alone one with separation anxiety. Find another solution. YABVU and selfish and cruel.

I don't really understand why you're not taking your dog with you on your days out? I thought that was one reason why people got dogs rather than cats - because you can take the dog with you to most places and don't need sitters.

Obviously people have dogs for lots of other reasons - I suppose I think that that aspect of ownership is often seeen as a positive.

Take the dog with you.

I can’t stay in every single day with a 3 year old we are entitled to go on days out.

Not if you are leaving your dog home all day. When you got your dog you obviously didn't realise what you were signing up for. It's incredibly cruel and selfish leaving a dog at home if you are having days out and yes that includes one or two here and there.

Would you consider giving the dog up? You obviously aren't in a position to be a dog owner.

Yanbu. It's not fair on the dog to left in such an anxious state. Would you leave your child to cry and scream at night because you needed sleep? The dog depends on you for everything. Go on days out with the dog. Why get another dog. No dog should be left alone all day. You sound very entitled, you brought the dog into your home the dog did not ask you too.

Oh gosh poor you OP. I don't think it's bad going out 2 days in 3 months. What are you supposed to do if you need shopping? I hate how judgey the people are in here.

FWIW I'd be very annoyed hearing a dog bark all day though. I'd rather hear a late night party than that. I feel for you. You don't know what kind of personality you're going to get it when you get a dog. You might be better seeing if you can rehome with a retired couple that have the time to be at home with it all day.

we are entitled to go on days out

Then don’t insist on having dogs. That part isn’t an entitlement.

You're not looking for solutions. What you're really asking is

"shall I stop caring about what the neighbours say because they are just as bad/worse?"

And your post is contradictory.

I always have checked in with the neighbours to ask how he has been and kept them in the loop with the new things

But you've only been out 2 days and that this was this week.

YABU. You are not ‘entitled’ to leave a young dog at home alone and I’m surprised you view it that way. You need to train it properly to cope with separation and not leave it in distress until you e done so.

If that means they aren’t alone for more than three minutes, that’s what it means. If it means you can’t have an afternoon to the shops once a month, that’s the way it has to be. You wouldn’t leave your child alone before it can cope but you’re doing it with an animal in distress. The fact that you’re relying on neighbours to tell you means you aren’t monitoring with pet cams for other signs of distress either, only audible crying.

Your dog needs to have the period of separation very gradually built up and there should be no signs of distress. There’s good advice here. www.mspca.org/pet_resources/dealing-with-separation-anxiety-in-dogs/

I didn’t leave either of my dogs for an hour until they were 16 months old and had been carefully separation trained. At one point, I was quite literally going to my front door 30 times in a row and doing no more than touching the handle. Then I repeated 30 more times with my keys in my hand. Then another 30 times of me going outside the front door for five seconds while watching a camera and back in again. It was horrendous and boring and winter and I’d rather have being watching tv but I had to put the time in. I now can leave them for an hour but am continuing to work on linger periods. If I need to go out for longer, I get a friend or dog sitter in.

The fact your dog is so distressed means you are forcing separation upon your dog for a duration that only suits you and your needs which is really unfair.

Lol I'm no dog lover but Even I think you need to either take the dog with you or hire a dog sitter. Some dogs are very needy and can never be left alone.

I’m sure if you googled ‘dog friendly days out in Xtown’ you’d find loads of suggestions for places where you can take both the dogs and your child. Parks, commons, beaches, some attractions, even pubs with beer gardens and swings. Just as you’d make sure you go to that are child suitable, you need it for the dog. It’s easy, especially in summer when there are loads of outdoor activities.