Neighbours and dogs

[Mybad90]

So we have a 1 year old dog that we have had since a puppy and we have recently welcomed a new pup into our family. I am home most days with our dogs but obviously we go on family days out because we have a 3 year old child. Our 1 year old dog suffers with separation anxiety and he barks and yelps and cries the whole time we’re gone. I always have checked in with the neighbours to ask how he has been and kept them in the loop with the new things we are trying so they’re aware that we’re not ignoring the behaviour. Up to now we have tried plug ins that release a pheromone, trying different rooms in the house, blinds closed/open, tv on, radio on and now we have booked a animal behaviourist after asking for advice at the vets. We NEVER leave him on a night time and it’s nots everyday just whenever we go out for the day or an hour here and there when we go shopping or to my mums etc..

Neighbours had a party a few weeks ago late at night in their back garden (my sons bedroom is at the back) and he was woken by them all shrieking and shouting. Now I don’t care for them having a party here and there because it’s just one of them things but had it been me I would have atleast messaged to let them know and I would be trying to keep the party from screaming etc but they didn’t bother mentioning anything to us. So since this I haven’t really bothered checking in with them about the dog when we go out and I’ve stopped trying to organise a dog sitter every time we go out because it’s just not feasible.

I have been for a couple of days out this week with my child as we’ve been in lockdown for around 4 months and I’ve had a pissy message from them saying it’s ridiculous and needs sorting out because they can’t listen to it everyday. I’m not really sure what they want us to do? We are trying to sort something out?! There’s not much more I can do atm until we’ve atleast seen an animal behaviourist and tried different things out, obviously it’s not going to be an overnight bloody thing?! I appreciate that it can be annoying but their dog barks every time they go out as well! Not to mention that their kids are up all night playing video games and you can hear them very loud and clearly through my sons bedroom wall.. of course I’ve never raised an issue about any of it because I’m sure they could be doing worse things and I’m not going to pick at every single household noise...

AIBU? I’m on edge everytime I have to leave the house now.. thanks guys.

Wow I cannot believe the responses from you all, this isn’t something in my control and I’m trying very hard to find a solution

Of course it's in your control. If you know your dog can't be left, then you don't leave him. Either go on dog-friendly days out and take the dogs with you, or arrange for someone to come in and be with your dog, or see if he can go to a friend or family members house. Or, do what millions of other dog owners do, and pay for care for your pets!

@Rhubardandcustard

I’m a dog owner and I think YABU. Constant dog barking crying noises would annoy me too.

You need to work on the separation anxiety. Invest in a dog behaviourist and tell your neighbours your plan of how you are going to resolve this issue.

If you read my post properly you would see that I’m already doing all of these things. He is booked in to see an animal behaviourist and I have been keeping him in the loop the whole time until very recently.

Have half of you even read my post? I very rarely leave my dog at home! I can’t stay in every single day with a 3 year old we are entitled to go on days out
It doesn't matter how often, the point is he can't cope alone. Entitled wasn't a great choice of wording, I would get my hard hat ready.

@Mybad90

Have half of you even read my post? I very rarely leave my dog at home 🙈! I can’t stay in every single day with a 3 year old we are entitled to go on days out.. i was finding dog sitters for him but this isn’t feasible. I’m not ignoring the situation I am trying different solutions. We’ve been on 2 days out in the last 5 months I would hardy say that’s excessive and cruel on my dog. He is also booked to see an animal behaviourist. Their dog also barks when they go out. It’s also not tit for tat at all I have always gotten along with them and always apologise and keep them in the loop, it’s only been a problem this past week because he has had a drink and wanted to stay in bed all day. As for the party, if you read it, it was way after 11pm so yes it would have been common courtesy to let us know. Wow I cannot believe the responses from you all, this isn’t something in my control and I’m trying very hard to find a solution.

Don't matter if you only leave your dog for 10mins, you are traumatising him over and over again every time you leave. So stop leaving him! That's the only way it's going to improve. If you can't commit to the training, rehome the dog to some one will stop scaring the dog!

@hiredandsqueak

YABVU, your poor dog and poor neighbours. If it's barking and yelping it is very obviously distressed and yet you continue to cause it more distress. You need to address the issue with support from a vet and a behaviourist and stop leaving the poor animal. We have an elderly dog who can be left happily but anything over a couple of hours she goes to family because dogs like company and can't be left whilst you go on days out.

Read my post properly and you would see that we have spoken to the vet about the issue and he is already booked in to see an animal behaviourist. Poor neighbours? Their fucking dog barks to! We have been on 2 days out in the last 5 months!

YABVU. You should not be leaving your dog so frequently and apart from being awful neighbours you are neglecting your pets.

It’s still happening, so you aren’t doing enough, and while that’s the case your neighbours aren’t going to be watching their noise.

It's unlikely that everbody has misunderstood your post, so it must be you don't you think Op.

Read my post properly and you would see that we have spoken to the vet about the issue and he is already booked in to see an animal behaviourist.

That's totally irrelevant, you're still leaving him to bark, whine and cry all day long while you go on the days out you claim you're entitled to.

Fork out for care for your pet. It's not difficult. There are loads of walkers, sitters and daycares throughout the country who you could employ to sit with him while you're out.

YABincrediblyU
You CANNOT go on ‘days out’ with your child when you are leaving your dog home alone all day. It doesn’t matter how often you do it, just once is too often. If you have a dog, even one without separation anxiety, it is your responsibility to care for it, and leaving it home alone all day is not doing that. You take the dog, you use doggy day care, you get a dog walker or you ask someone to pop in for a bit.
I actually can’t believe this is real, your attitude stinks.

Everyone has read your post, you should take your dog with you when you go on a day out

Your initial message implies that's not the odd occasion.

We've got a dog a few month back and our lives has changed significantly as a result. Outings are those we can take the dog to, holiday will be within driving distance.

In 4 months, he has only be alone a handful of times for an hour and only once for 2h.

I couldn't imagine leaving him for awhile day alone, of course they are getting distressed.

You are totally unreasonable.

100% YABU, OP.

There is a huge difference between brief barking when they go out and separation anxiety where they bark, whine, howl and are distressed the entire time. You are completely irresponsible and should not have 1 dog let alone 2.

No one has misread your posts or not read in full. However, you are repeatedly abusing the dog every time you leave it. Stop being so blinkered and rude

We NEVER leave him on a night time and it’s nots everyday just whenever we go out for the day or an hour here and there when we go shopping or to my mums etc..

If you have a dog then you should take them with you when you go out for the day, otherwise why have a dog? We don't have a dog much as we'd like one and one of the reasons is days out as we like to go to places where you can't take dogs as well as dog friendly places.

Until you've had opportunity to see a behaviourist and taken the time to implement their strategies you should either to take both dogs out with you OR get doggy day care/sitter.

Tackled in the right way this won't be forever, but you need to help your dogs cope better.

i was finding dog sitters for him but this isn’t feasible
Why not?
I have a neighbours daughter look after my DDog if I need to be away.
More recently it was my mums funeral.

But I would never leave her all day on her own.
Bless the daughter, she wouldn't take any money but she has looked after her before and I did pay her then.
Find someone local who is happy to come to your house to look after your dog.
It's like babysitting. It doesn't need to necessarily be an experienced dog sitter. As long you introduce them properly, you know they love dogs etc.., my dog sitter has just turned 16.
Put something on your local facebook page or talk to people you know in the area to get some feedback.

It might not be everyday, but this issue has been going on for your neighbours for a YEAR! And what’s more you got a Second dog when your first has a serious behavioural issue.
Yep. You’re totally and utterly unreasonable.

If you have a vet and behaviourist on board then they will have told you not to leave the dog in the meantime so either you are ignoring their advice or you don't have the support of professionals able to help.

YABVU Selfish neighbour , I hate dogs but why would you leave one alone knowing it is barking in distress ? If I was your neighbour I'd be reporting you to anyone who could help.
We've all been locked in for months , maybe they get enjoyment from being in the garden and your dog is ruining that.
A one off party is not comparable at all.

Up to now we have tried plug ins that release a pheromone, trying different rooms in the house, blinds closed/open, tv on, radio on

All of these things are useless in this context because they aren't addressing the root cause - anxiety over social separation.

You need to set your dog up for success and until the problem is manageable (because it won't ever be fixed, only managed) you shouldn't leave the dog alone. Each time you do you're causing distress which will undermine any training. Any decent behaviourist will tell you the same.

YABVU to post something about a dog that is anything less than the absolute centre of your world on mn.

But honestly it does seem a be unkind to leave it if it’s so stressed out. You wouldn’t leave a child with anxiety at home to cry all day so that you could go out. You really should either be going on days out with the dog (which is perfectly doable), get someone to watch the dog for you if it can tolerate that or try to rehome the dog somewhere more suitable. I completely understand why want to be able to go out without it, which is why I don’t have a dog, but you can’t. Your dogs mental health us your responsibility.

I can’t stay in every single day with a 3 year old we are entitled to go on days out..

So is your dog but you don't seem to care about what your dog needs.

You say you've had 2 days out in 5 months , then you go on to say , you also go shopping and to your Mum's
Even an hour of constant barking would be annoying. So what if he wants to stay in bed all day ??

You don't leave a dog alone all day, especially one with anxiety. You are being really cruel and totally unreadpnable. Don't get a dog if you can't afford daycare.

You say it is only once every few months- plenty of time to save for a sitter then

We have a crying dog next door, It’s bloody awful. The noise is non stop when the neighbours go out ( that’s in top of the barking when they are home) my daughter especially finds it very upsetting to listen to.
I’ve come round to thinking owning a dog is actually pretty selfish - you get all the good bits of having a pet & your neighbours get all the unwanted noise.
If a party is too loud/too late you can knock & ask for it to be turned down, a howling dog isn’t so accommodating