Neighbours and dogs

[Mybad90]

So we have a 1 year old dog that we have had since a puppy and we have recently welcomed a new pup into our family. I am home most days with our dogs but obviously we go on family days out because we have a 3 year old child. Our 1 year old dog suffers with separation anxiety and he barks and yelps and cries the whole time we’re gone. I always have checked in with the neighbours to ask how he has been and kept them in the loop with the new things we are trying so they’re aware that we’re not ignoring the behaviour. Up to now we have tried plug ins that release a pheromone, trying different rooms in the house, blinds closed/open, tv on, radio on and now we have booked a animal behaviourist after asking for advice at the vets. We NEVER leave him on a night time and it’s nots everyday just whenever we go out for the day or an hour here and there when we go shopping or to my mums etc..

Neighbours had a party a few weeks ago late at night in their back garden (my sons bedroom is at the back) and he was woken by them all shrieking and shouting. Now I don’t care for them having a party here and there because it’s just one of them things but had it been me I would have atleast messaged to let them know and I would be trying to keep the party from screaming etc but they didn’t bother mentioning anything to us. So since this I haven’t really bothered checking in with them about the dog when we go out and I’ve stopped trying to organise a dog sitter every time we go out because it’s just not feasible.

I have been for a couple of days out this week with my child as we’ve been in lockdown for around 4 months and I’ve had a pissy message from them saying it’s ridiculous and needs sorting out because they can’t listen to it everyday. I’m not really sure what they want us to do? We are trying to sort something out?! There’s not much more I can do atm until we’ve atleast seen an animal behaviourist and tried different things out, obviously it’s not going to be an overnight bloody thing?! I appreciate that it can be annoying but their dog barks every time they go out as well! Not to mention that their kids are up all night playing video games and you can hear them very loud and clearly through my sons bedroom wall.. of course I’ve never raised an issue about any of it because I’m sure they could be doing worse things and I’m not going to pick at every single household noise...

AIBU? I’m on edge everytime I have to leave the house now.. thanks guys.

dogs can be inconvenient and restrictive. You signed up to that when you got a dog. Take it with you, take it to daycare or get a sitter. The last two cost money but you knew that when you bought the dog.

I'm not surprised your neighbours have had it with you. I've got neighbours like you and it is only the law that has stopped me putting chocolate through the letterbox.

1. Get a dog walker

2. Take it with you

How old is the pup? Is that one too young to be left?

If you haven't got the first one sorted, what has possessed you to add another one to the mix?

I dont leave my dog alone for more than 2-3 hours. 4 at an ABSOLUTE PUSH and only if he is well and truly knackered out but even so that would be rare.
Any longer than that and i leave him with family or bring him with me wherever i go.
I cant bear people that get dogs and then leave them alone all day. Sounds like the dog may need rehoming?
Also, is he walked enough?

All my life we have had dogs and because we have treated and looked after them properly, treating them as sentient beings, none of them have needed an animal behaviourist.

This is unfair. Some truly wonderful, knowledgeable dog owners require the support of a behaviourist to address problem behaviours that are not their fault. Your post reads to me like "if you were just a better owner your dog wouldn't struggle with being left" which is wrong.

Seperation anxiety has a whole host of causes and often more than one is in action to bring it about. Many of them are outside the control of a dog owner, though some are in. The OP is not helping this dog but that doesn't mean everyone with a dog that suffers with this issue is causing it.

OP, YABU to your neighbours and your dog. One of the considerations when deciding to get a dog is "how would I cope if this dog has problems and can I adjust my life to meet its needs". Your dog needs someone with it at all times right now. Leaving it all day or for any time longer than it can cope with, is not fair and will make the situaton worse.

I may spend somewhere around 75% of my life involved with dogs but even I would be driven bat shit crazy by the sound of a distressed dog next door all day. Especially if it had been going on for a year with little sign of improvement.

@mencken

dogs can be inconvenient and restrictive. You signed up to that when you got a dog. Take it with you, take it to daycare or get a sitter. The last two cost money but you knew that when you bought the dog.

I'm not surprised your neighbours have had it with you. I've got neighbours like you and it is only the law that has stopped me putting chocolate through the letterbox.

That made me laugh....and I'm a dog owner and lover.

We have been on 2 days out in the last 5 months!

i was finding dog sitters for him but this isn’t feasible

Why not, if its only a few times a year?

p.s. it's no guarantee but I would not be surprised to hear your second puppy starts suffering the same challenge when it grows, having had opportunity to watch the first get so distressed when left.

Stop being a shit owner OP. Stop trying to justify yourself. If the go can't be left then you don't leave it. It's that's simple. You arrange a dog sitter EVERY time or take the dog with you.
Prepare yourself cos you aren't gonna like what the behaviourist tells you - the only way to solve separation anxiety is to not leave the dog for longer than it can cope with and gradually extend it. That may be 5 mins. You can't leave it to go shopping or whatever.

If you can't give the dog what it needs - someone with it 24/7 (not necessarily you but daycare/neighbours/friends) then do it a favour and find someone who can. The anxiety your dog feels when you aren't there is horrific for it.

Separately your neighbours are dicks tho but they'd be well within their rights to contact the council about the noise

So you have been out for full days twice in five months and each time got a dog sitter ?
You go out for short amounts of time and your dog makes noise and
your neighbours go out for short amounts of time and their dog makes the same amount of noise or does theirs just bark occasionally ?

Your attitude in your responses pretty much solidifies that you don't give a shit about your neighbours. YABVVVU

Poor dog. He sounds so anxious. He won't get any better without some input but don't leave him until that's sorted. Or take him with you.
When you adopt a rescue dog, you are quizzed about the conditions your new dog will live in and how you will care for them, but anyone can get themselves a puppy. Not sure why you got a second dog....
Spidey- my dog goes outside at night for a goodnight bark too!!

Sorry, but this is one of those threads where the OP just isn't here for advice, but justification. Best of luck, OP, and I hope your dog turns out ok before a stranger has to sort it out.

Separation anxiety is a terrible condition that WILL NOT improve until you do something about it.
He needs training to be left for very short periods, on his own with you in another room.. even for 30 seconds at the beginning..
when he is Quiet, go to him.
Increase the time in tiny increments.
I had a Lurcher pup from dogs home who had SA and it was my neighbours who told me
I left a tape running and her distress was real.. pacing, panting, heartfelt shrieks.
It did improve with training , but she was always prone to it, all her life.
Getting another dog doesn’t really cure it.. but good exercise and stuffed kongs and puzzles that take them ages to get the food out of helps.
A well exercised dog settles better.. but brain work helps too as others have said.

We had to rehome one of our beloved dogs due to his terrible separation anxiety. Our circumstances changed and we had to work out of the house more. It wasn't fair on the dog, neighbours or us. He went to a specialist rescue not a kennel and was fostered and we have weekly updates from his new home. I would never leave a dog with anxiety all day. It's just unfair on everyone.

Oh dear, one of those threads that goes
OP: AIBU
MN: Overwhelmingly ''yes''
OP: No i'm not! You lot are horrible and don't understand!

What dogs do you have?

Yabu. I don't ever leave mine for more than a couple of hours. If you're going out for the day, take him to a dog sitter

I am your neighbour (or could be from what you've described) and you have no idea how awful it is to live next door to a dog owner like you.
Take responsibility and do something now - take the dog with you when you leave the house - every single time - until you've had the behaviourist sessions etc and your dog's anxiety reduces. None of us have had days out, or many of them lately, so drop the "woe is me" act too.
Just don't underestimate how much it can stress your neighbours, let alone your dogs.

YABU. They had a one off party, your dog disturbs them most days. Don't leave the dog if it's going to cry the whole time take it with you. You got a dog so look after it.

I'm another one that has read your post and agrees with all the other previous posters. You do not leave a dog let alone one with such awful separation anxiety for the entire day.
Surely you have a friend, relative or neighbour who could have them (although I appreciate this is trickier with two dogs). If you don't, I would suggest your days out are to dog friendly places.

If you read my post properly you would see that I’m already doing all of these things. He is booked in to see an animal behaviourist and I have been keeping him in the loop the whole time until very recently.
Surely the behaviourist has told you the fundamental thing with dogs with separation anxiety is, leaving them to the point of crying and yelping will prolong ANY work you do on the anxiety issue and set you back and make it worse in the long run. Screams cowboy to me.

You need to build up the time you leave him. And I'm not even talking minute at a time, build up by SECONDS and a time. It'll take months, years to crack but if you're just going to fuck off all day and leave an anxious and distressed dog home all day you're going to have more problems down the line. That poor dog.

We have a dog with separation anxiety, I understand how much of an anchor a dog that can't be left alone is. But ultimeley they are your pet, and you have a responsibility to them to ensure they are mentally healthy. Would you leave your child at home crying? Why is an animal in distress any different? You say you're entitled to days out but that animal is entitled to a home that isn't mentally torturing him. Do you even like animals? As it doesn't sound like you even like this dog, you're so flippant about leaving him.

If you only go out 2 times in 5 months why is it impossible to organise a dog sitter? If you financially can't afford this then you need to look at whether you can either a) adjust your finances to ensure someone can look after your dog when you're not there, b) rehome the dog to someone who can be around and work on this properly or c) adjust your life so you can do right by the dog.

Look at Dog Separation Anxiety Training Support with Julie Naismith group on facebook. She has a book called 'Be Right Back' it will be extremely helpful for you.

@Eyesofdisarray
You must be one of my neighbours then. Maggie says ''woof!''

I was part of a FB group and one of the women on it had her constantly yapping dog poisoned- they came home to find the poor dog dead.
She took zero responsibility, just played the victim, went out and bought another of the same breed ( small and noisy).

Turning a dog out into the yard when you are out is not an option.

People seem to get Dodd these days as status symbols, rather than as a furry companion whose needs have to be put above our own at times.

I have heard of people who are flattered that their dog “ loves me so much he follows me to the bathroom“ or “ she will not let me out of her sight”
This isn’t “ love” but deep insecurity on the dog’s part.
Dogs are far too easily bought and disposed of.
They are a huge commitment, akin to a child.
If that sounds extreme, get an independent cat.( but even they miss their people)

I can’t stay in every single day with a 3 year old we are entitled to go on days out.

Days out, unless they are to dog-friendly venues, are something you either have to find a dog-sitter for, or say goodbye to. It's not about entitlement, it's about balancing your needs with the needs of your dog. Have you checked out 'Borrow My Doggy' as a pp suggested? You can sign up provisionally to see if there are potential matches in your area - if there are you pay a fee to sign up fully and contact potential dog sitters. It's against the T&C for the dog sitters to charge so wouldn't cost you more than the annual fee and as long as T&Cs are followed the sitters are insured to care for your dog.

I have dogs who are fully trained and are only allowed to bark when someone knocks the door. My neighbour has two noisy yappy dogs that bark all day every day - 6 weeks ago after 6 years of crap from the dog barking I snapped and phoned the council and reported it. She now calls them in but I won't hesitate to call /record it if she stops. If it sole destroying.

To leave a dog ALL day whilst you go on a "family day" bugger that -I'd have council reported you. Your dog -you sort.