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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Asked to step down from my job...by my Dh

372 replies

Dorothea989 · 20/07/2020 20:21

For the last 6 months I have been covering my managers maternity cover at work. Step up for me, was basically asked as there was no one else to cover it and I have really enjoyed it. However it has obviously meant extra responsibilities, my role was never back filled and one of the team left as well which given the current climate has also not been recruited for so its been busy. It was also a significant pay rise for the duration of the cover.

The person I am covering has just announced they are not returning from maternity so I have been offered the role permanently which I am really happy about.

However my Dh is not. He wants me to step down and return to my previous role.

His reasons are that since taking on this role I have had to work longer hours, he never sees me, and I now never get time to help him with anything (ie housework)

Yes there have been occasions where I have had to log on in the evening to finish some bits off, but we are usually sat watching TV at this point anyway and he is on his phone. Dd(5) has gone to bed.

Before lockdown I was in the office, would generally do school drop off at 730, work from 830 - 5 and be home by 6 for dinner. I have been wfh since lockdown started, and am now logged on for 8ish, logged off by 445 and already home but this is also apparently too much.

Dh works shifts, days and nights, but his shifts are normally not much more than 7 hours long. His job is also reactive, so he can have some shifts where he doesn't even leave his base and can sleep/relax/play games on his phone all his shift. He also gets rostered a week off every 6 weeks.

I really want the role as I feel it would damage my career if I turn it down, plus the fact I really enjoy thr challenge of the role, and know I will resent DH if I do. But at the same time he has made it clear he will be really unhappy if I accept it.

OP posts:
fruitbrewhaha · 20/07/2020 21:34

Take the job OP.

Please don't let him spoil this for you. You have obviously proved yourself in the role and with the new staff member the pressure will be off.

Alanna1 · 20/07/2020 21:35

Take the job.
Get a cleaner...

Katieweasel · 20/07/2020 21:36

I was in a similar position except that DH encouraged me to apply for a job three grades higher than my original role then couldn't understand when i needed to put in extra hours to warrant the 100% payrise. Happy to spend the extra salary but made me feel guilty for every extra minute I was at work. Then when I wanted to change to a new position for less money he complained about how selfish I was to decrease the family income just to do a job I would enjoy more.

leafyskyline · 20/07/2020 21:37

Take the job OP, and congratulations 🍾

Ellie56 · 20/07/2020 21:38

Looks like it's unanimous OP. Take the job and tell him to get over himself.

As PP said, if the housework is an issue use some of the pay rise to get a cleaner in.

custardbear · 20/07/2020 21:40

Honestly it sounds like jealousy!
With the extra money get a cleaner and use the rest for fun things like holidays!

carly2803 · 20/07/2020 21:40

TAKE THE JOB
hire a cleaner
your DH will like it or lump it literally.

would he even consider these "issues"if the shoe was on the other foot?
nah thought not
congrats op!

Topseyt · 20/07/2020 21:40

Take the job. End of story.

carly2803 · 20/07/2020 21:41

TAKE THE JOB
hire a cleaner
your DH will like it or lump it literally.

would he even consider these "issues"if the shoe was on the other foot?
nah thought not
congrats op!

Oblomov20 · 20/07/2020 21:41

Take the job fgs.

stanski · 20/07/2020 21:41

I'm a world where 15k people applied for 10 engineering jobs and 480 applied for two bar staff roles (both cases in the paper this week) you should take the job!

Your DH sounds jealous.

Crankley · 20/07/2020 21:41

In case you haven't got the message yet OP), 100% have voted YANBU - ie take the job. That is a rarity on MN.

BettyCrockaShit · 20/07/2020 21:44

Take the job, hire a cleaner if tidying the house matters so much to your H.

BettyCrockaShit · 20/07/2020 21:44

Take the job, hire a cleaner if tidying the house matters so much to your H.

BettyCrockaShit · 20/07/2020 21:44

Take the job, hire a cleaner if tidying the house matters so much to your H.

rottiemum88 · 20/07/2020 21:44

He clearly wants to see you more and thats surely a positive

Or he just wants OP available more to pick up the household chores instead of furthering her career Hmm Take the job!

LilacSloth · 20/07/2020 21:45

Congratulations! Take the job.

If he's really bothered about spending quality time together why not commit to spending an evening or two a week without laptops and phones. Turn the TV off, have a glass of wine and play a game of scrabble or something? 🤷‍♀️

Kaathesnake · 20/07/2020 21:45

Take it
Take it
Take it
💐

EwwSprouts · 20/07/2020 21:46

Take the job and grow professionally. Anybody who is not shoring up their finances as best they can at the moment...

HollowTalk · 20/07/2020 21:46

Another one saying you should take the job. It sounds as though he's not ambitious himself and would resent you doing well.

AnyFucker · 20/07/2020 21:46

Take the job and if your pathetic husband has a problem with it then he can do one

Jux · 20/07/2020 21:49

Take the job, dump the dh, employ a cleaner. Have a great life!

Theyweretheworstoftimes · 20/07/2020 21:49

Take the job.

Pay for help.

Split the cost of the help.

If your husband refuses........

Well that's a new thread.

A million congratulations on the job.

Theyweretheworstoftimes · 20/07/2020 21:49

Take the job.

Pay for help.

Split the cost of the help.

If your husband refuses........

Well that's a new thread.

A million congratulations on the job.

ThickFast · 20/07/2020 21:53

Please take the job.