Asked to step down from my job...by my Dh

[Dorothea989]

For the last 6 months I have been covering my managers maternity cover at work. Step up for me, was basically asked as there was no one else to cover it and I have really enjoyed it. However it has obviously meant extra responsibilities, my role was never back filled and one of the team left as well which given the current climate has also not been recruited for so its been busy. It was also a significant pay rise for the duration of the cover.

The person I am covering has just announced they are not returning from maternity so I have been offered the role permanently which I am really happy about.

However my Dh is not. He wants me to step down and return to my previous role.

His reasons are that since taking on this role I have had to work longer hours, he never sees me, and I now never get time to help him with anything (ie housework)

Yes there have been occasions where I have had to log on in the evening to finish some bits off, but we are usually sat watching TV at this point anyway and he is on his phone. Dd(5) has gone to bed.

Before lockdown I was in the office, would generally do school drop off at 730, work from 830 - 5 and be home by 6 for dinner. I have been wfh since lockdown started, and am now logged on for 8ish, logged off by 445 and already home but this is also apparently too much.

Dh works shifts, days and nights, but his shifts are normally not much more than 7 hours long. His job is also reactive, so he can have some shifts where he doesn't even leave his base and can sleep/relax/play games on his phone all his shift. He also gets rostered a week off every 6 weeks.

I really want the role as I feel it would damage my career if I turn it down, plus the fact I really enjoy thr challenge of the role, and know I will resent DH if I do. But at the same time he has made it clear he will be really unhappy if I accept it.

If you want the job and enjoy it, take it.
End of story.

Absolutely take the job! If that makes him unhappy - tough! Just make it clear that you're telling him, not asking him!

Incidentally OP, do the pair of you have any thoughts of having another child? Could his feelings on that be colouring his view in any way?

Take the job and well done OP!

PS And if you do get a cleaner, remind him that he pays half!

Take the job. Does it involve a pay rise? If so can you spend some of the cash on a cleaner to help with the housework?
I can’t imagine what kind of man would want to stop his wife getting ahead in a job she enjoys.
And yes turning it down will damage your career. We’re about to start a recession, protecting your job is important

Take the job OP.
You could be very glad of it if your unsupportive husband continues in this vein!

He should be pleased for you.
Instead he would rather you focus on housework rather than filling your potential......

He needs telling that this is primarily your decision.

Bullet proof your contraception.

Congratulations. Ask him how he would feel if the boot was on the other foot? And point out now you can afford to get a cleaner (if you want one).

A male friend once said if you earn £40 per hour and your cleaner £10 per hour why would you do all your own housework, ditto gardeners and other tradesmen. His spare time was for more important enjoyable things.

Bullet proof your contraception
So much this. I’ve been on the wrong end of this, unknowingly, because controlling XH wanted to be top dog.

Take the Job.. congratulations

Take the job.

In a relationship you can't always agree on everything that's just the way it is.

And another... Take the job! So many reasons! One of which is to ensure you don't get a crap new boss! And outsource! Your pension and borrowing potential alone are worth it.

Take the job and get a cleaner

Take the job. I did not take a job when my DC were small (was a SAHM). Had I realised I would end up divorced and unemployable 15 years later, I would have taken it.

Take the job.

Agree, take the job if that is what YOU want. Use the extra cash on cleaner to make life easier. What exactly is his objection apart from not getting enough attention?

Take the job.

Hire a cleaner if cleaning is an issue.

I’d the situation was reversed, you wouldn’t ask him it to take the job, and he wouldn’t take any notice of your opinion on that anyway

I've not read beyond the first post, but according to the poll, over 400 people have unanimously said YANBU.

Take the job.

Take the job!

Take it

One bit in your post that sticks out for me is the logging on in the evening to complete work.
Make sure you are really aware of how often you are doing this.
My husband used to do this and it became really intrusive. We might just have been watching tv and browsing Facebook on our phones but it was downtime together and we had small talk etc.
As soon as he started logging in to work I lost him, his attention was not with me but with work.
So he was out at work all day and then mentally connected to work during the evening too.

This is a valid concern, all his other niggles sound childish.

Take the job.

Take the job

Think how you'll feel if you turn it down and have to watch/work with the person who got the job you wanted and had it in the bag.

Really unfair of him to put you in this position

Let me guess - will you be earning more? Or have more power? Or a more senior job role than him? If so, he’s objecting because his ‘masculinity’ is threatened. He’s just going to have to suck it up or get a better job himself. Congratulations- take the job!