Grown men who can't drive

[madcatladyforever]

AIBU or what! Just had a row with my DS who is not talking to me because he can't drive at 40 years old. There is no good reason why not, he's done all the lessons just can't be bothered to take the test.
His wife ferries him about everywhere despite the fact she's in very poor health and shouldn't even be on the road in my opinion.
He wanted me to collect him for the weekend a 7 hour round trip and I said no, I have slipped discs and I'm on tramadol, I can't drive for 7 hours.
I don't see why we should be unpaid chauffeurs all the time and I'm not doing it any more.
Not being able to drive completely limits their lives, they can't live in a rural area which they want to do, he can only take a job there is public transport too and he can't drive to any big store out of town and pick up furniture or tools or whatever.
It is driving me mad and I said to his wife, stop ferrying him about, he needs to get his license. What happens if you have to go into hospital - who is going to drive you there and back.
Now he is furious with me for "interfering" but if your mother can't say it who can.
I get the test is scary but if we never did anything because we were nervous we'd never achieve anything in our lives.

Well the thing about being a driver is I can choose to drive or not to drive, I can also walk , ride my bike, ride a horse if I do desire And if I do wish throw myself across the bonnet of my automobile and burn rubber away from whatever zombie apocalypse is coming - and let’s face it after 2020 that could be next. Its a choice - non drivers make different choices.

Tell that to my fecking expensive 245/40 R18 tyres. £104 each on my last change and as I drive an all wheel drive car they all need changing at the same time or it trips the drive train warning light every time I drive anywhere.

It's not my fault what car you chose to buy. If you can't afford hefty repair bills, then buyer a cheaper/simpler car.

@Kazzyhoward

Tell that to my fecking expensive 245/40 R18 tyres. £104 each on my last change and as I drive an all wheel drive car they all need changing at the same time or it trips the drive train warning light every time I drive anywhere.

It's not my fault what car you chose to buy. If you can't afford hefty repair bills, then buyer a cheaper/simpler car.

Never said it was your fault (unless your taking my car out and skidding it around) and I can easily afford the maintenance. I was responding to a different poster who asked why it was necessary to replace all four tyres at the same time and said they had never had a tyre cost over £50.

Ever heard of a designated driver? (something which my non-driving mates will never be).

While my spouse and I and can never been designated drivers as neither of us drive, we both have poured our colleagues into taxis and given them money for their fares after they've drank all theirs away and ended up trashed and switching between sobbing over us and trying to fight people. Pretty much all of them drive, but they relied on us to know how they're drunk asses were getting home.

I think it's perfectly reasonable to call out people who can't arrange their own transport without relying on their loved ones. I don't think anyone should have to date someone they'd rather not and people can see me pathetic if they want, but I've managed to never put any of my friends or colleagues in the position of needing to care for my intoxicated self, even managed to immigrate and arrange transport for all the family visits and funerals and such without ever driving. Yes, it's a bit more awkward sometimes, but people arrange their lives that suit them with their pros and cons, and for my family the cost would wreck our budget and the cost per use wouldn't be worth having a car even if it weren't medically questionable for either my spouse or I to drive.

[quote Alex50]@ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble there’s way more abusive partners than aliens 😂 it’s not unusual at all look at the statistics on abuse on partners. So much easier to throw a couple suitcases and say 3 children in a car than to get on public transport.[/quote]
I had an abusive partner and despite me paying for the car he ensured I couldn't just get in it and leave. When we did eventually split he took the car, and despite living in a rural location I used public transport (said public transport was ok then but sadly has dwindled).

I continued to use public transport for a few years until I could afford a car.

My partner now doesn't drive. He doesn't expect me to ferry him about and it doesn't have much impact on me as due to work finishing times and locations I would still primarily be the one to drop kids off and pick up (assuming we could afford a second car)

I had a friend years ago whose dh couldn’t drive. She used to drop him at the pub most nights, then when he’d finished drinking he’d call her to pick him up. I know even if he could drive he wouldn’t drink drive but she used to ferry him everywhere. The pub thing was the worst though. She could never have an early night, just waiting for his call.😟

Tell that to my fecking expensive 245/40 R18 tyres. £104 each on my last change and as I drive an all wheel drive car they all need changing at the same time or it trips the drive train warning light every time I drive anywhere.

That’s not an expensive tyre! When they’re £2-300 each that’s when it tends to smart a bit!

A man not able to drive would be a real turnoff. I don’t know anyone who cannot drive, you don’t need to own a car, you can hire one for holidays. Us ladies need to be able to drive our horseboxes!

There's a line in a Wendy Cope poem : 'Totally useless male poets don't drive'. It's absolutely true and I have the misfortune to be married to one.
It's too late for mine (he's 79) but if we all stopped carting them around they'd have to stop looking out of the window to comment on cloud formations and do something about it. Wouldn't they?

"The pub thing was the worst though. She could never have an early night, just waiting for his call.😟"

But she could have though. They're called taxis and unless there's some backstory (or they're yet another couple who live out in the wilderness cut off from civilisation where literally no form of public transport exists) then there's no reason why she couldn't tell him to get one.

And again, assuming he's going to be drinking at the pub, he wouldn't be driving home anyway!

The pub thing was the worst though. She could never have an early night, just waiting for his call.😟

She could have had an early night any time she wanted, by using the word ‘no’.

However, in this case I don’t see how him having a driving licence would have helped. Surely he wouldn’t have been driving to the pub to stay there until closing time?

"It's too late for mine (he's 79) but if we all stopped carting them around they'd have to stop looking out of the window to comment on cloud formations and do something about it. Wouldn't they?"

If you've been a martyr all these years then that's your fault.

She used to drop him at the pub most nights, then when he’d finished drinking he’d call her to pick him up
do you know why she chose to be such a doormat?

Crazy how there seems to be such an us/them divide on this thread.

DH and I both drive. Both passed relatively late compared to friends. I was 22, he was 25. This meant that we had plenty of opportunity to become comfortable on public transport.

Now, yes we have two cars (both work in locations that are difficult to get to using public transport) and we do use them. But we also enjoy walking, cycling and getting the train instead. The last two family holidays that we've flown to, we've opted not to hire a car or pay for private transfers, but instead have made use of the excellent public transport available in those countries (Netherlands and Austria) with two DC in tow. I'm still trying to convince him to spend three weeks inter-railing across Europe next year, but he's not convinced yet. Yes we have cars, but it was also important for me to buy a house somewhere that was walking distance to town and the train station. I don't want to rely on it.

Car has its advantages. Door to door. No limit on what you can carry. But traffic jams. Public transport can be a more relaxing way to travel but if you're on a bus, you're sat in the same jam as me and the trains have plenty of their own issues too.

As a family of four, it is cheaper to travel by car in the UK due to ever rising train fares. In Europe we've found it to be cheaper as children under 12 go free in most places.

It's perfectly possible to drive, own a car and still use public transport.

I seem to have been out with several men who couldn’t drive - mostly when I was living in London which wasn’t an issue. I find it quite unattractive and annoying - I hated being the chauffeur. Could never have married a non-driver.

I never understand this and when some when tells me their husband doesn't drive I think what!!! but maybe he does have a reason and doesn't want to share it could be a mental block or a medical reason ... and there are a lot of young people who live with good transport links who just do not see the need ... but you should not become the taxi driver 😘 hope you feel better soon x

We are totally non driving household, and always have been. I don't consider that unreasonable, we are restricted by it but for medical reasons I would rather not go into, we would both be a danger on the road (my husband's driving instructor told him as much, to his face) and why should driving be so essential? Even out of the cities, there are still trains, busses and taxis, and for anything else there's delivery. TBH, ask yourself this - should you have a word with yourself due to reliance on a car? Is there a medical reason you need one so badly?

She used to drop him at the pub most nights, then when he’d finished drinking he’d call her to pick him up

I don't see how him being a driver would have helped here; even if he drove to the pub he wouldn't have been driving home again after a night on the sauce, surely?

I don’t want to learn to drive never had the desire to, the thought actually scares me, I make my own way to places & never bother anyone, I get the piss taken out of me by my SIL the snide comments I can’t drive but then again I wasn’t gifted money to do it & finances were tight when our kids were little, so my DH learnt to drive!

@Elai1978 - oooh what do you drive? The shift up in prices was a bit of a shock with my new car, I went from a Nissan Pixo which cost £30 per tyre to a Subaru at £££. We don't even discuss the road tax. 😂

Ugh. 40 years old and doesn't drive....!!!! I couldn't be with someone who doesn't drive..You are NOT being unreasonable.

My ndn, aka shit dad of the year, didn't see his dc for 3 months during lockdown due to not driving (assume didn't want to risk public transport). Not that they were likely bothered about missing their twice monthly visit as they're kept in the house the whole time anyway.
Funny story - I learnt to drive after growing up watching American slasher flicks, you know the ones where the teens are hiking or such like and end up frantically trying to escape and they manage to start the car just in time. I just remember thinking you'd be completely fucked in that scenario if you couldn't drive, so yeah I learnt to drive in case I ever needed to escape a murderous psycho .

For the OPs post, I agree, go do the test you twat.

I'd love to be able to drive and have access to a car. I have had.my.liconce removed due to my health... It seems DVLA aren't happy that I fall asleep with no notice. Fussy buggers! lol

I take 2 different types of.morphine, and am advised not to drive due to less, plus my severe sleep apnea.

If I could, I so would. My fiancee can drive, and technically still could. Due to her health she does t feel confident anymore. She has Rhumatoid Arthritis, and is a cancer patient. She says that due to her meds and conditions, she wouldn't trust herself if when out she had a flare up, and then couldn't drive back.

So to OPs little shit, grow a spine, and go do your test. The theory pass is only valid for 2 years and is a waste of money to keep taking.

I didn’t learn until 29 when I moved away from London. I really didn’t need to learn before that. Of course there’s the odd occasion when it would have been useful but it didn’t justify the expense of lessons and car ownership, as soon as I moved somewhere with less public transport where it was evident I would need it on s as regular basis I got my license then a car.
I know it’s only personal experience but the only adults I know without a license with a varying amount of ferrying about taking place are men, maybe just coincidence. Of some of the men in question it causes such inconvenience to their families I think it’s a bloody cheek.

Re the OP's situation, I'd get him a personalised piggy bank and have on it, "[name]'s Taxi Fund". I don't think it is unreasonable that he doesn't drive, just that he expects lifts.