Grown men who can't drive

[madcatladyforever]

AIBU or what! Just had a row with my DS who is not talking to me because he can't drive at 40 years old. There is no good reason why not, he's done all the lessons just can't be bothered to take the test.
His wife ferries him about everywhere despite the fact she's in very poor health and shouldn't even be on the road in my opinion.
He wanted me to collect him for the weekend a 7 hour round trip and I said no, I have slipped discs and I'm on tramadol, I can't drive for 7 hours.
I don't see why we should be unpaid chauffeurs all the time and I'm not doing it any more.
Not being able to drive completely limits their lives, they can't live in a rural area which they want to do, he can only take a job there is public transport too and he can't drive to any big store out of town and pick up furniture or tools or whatever.
It is driving me mad and I said to his wife, stop ferrying him about, he needs to get his license. What happens if you have to go into hospital - who is going to drive you there and back.
Now he is furious with me for "interfering" but if your mother can't say it who can.
I get the test is scary but if we never did anything because we were nervous we'd never achieve anything in our lives.

Timekeeper1 clearly you’ve never heard of jobs where employers provide all transport for you.

Fancy thinking you need a licence and a car to be able to travel! /facepalm

And even if I was in a big city I'm explaining why I don't need to drive. I haven't said no one needs to drive, or called drivers lazy or anything. My lifestyle fits my lack of driving . That's it. The fact that Susan in rural Scotland needs a car doesn't affect me or bother me. Why does me not driving bother you wherever you are?

Unlike the drivers on here.

It is because they are constantly involving me in it
you dont have to obey them, you can refuse to engage you know!

Oh come on @SimonJT you should petition your council to get all those tiny front gardens extended! Into the road...so no-one can drive anywhere

I am just snorting to myself at the idea of British towns and cities being able to magic up parking spaces in front of the buildings. @Timekeeper1 Google The Shambles in York... if you want a laugh!

Clearly you've never heard of driving to meetings, functions etc.

Very few people drive to functions at my work because they like to get shitfaced. We actually had an (drinking) event at work recently and there were only 5 cars in the normally full carpark.

What a tragic failure of imagination to not understand why some people don't want to drive. I can drive, but only rarely do. DP can't (which incidentally is not a failing of masculinity on his part, he has just always lived in cities and never needed to). I feel much more sorry for people spending huge amounts of time stuck in traffic, breathing in their own fumes.

We choose to live in a city because of this. I'm from a rural area where almost everyone drives, that's why we don't live there. You can get a lot of taxis for the cost of running a car. Weirdly hardly any of my friends have one either so we're not an outlier. It is terrible for the planet, really expensive and boring. Prefer to read a book on the train.

Every single friend who doesn’t drive at some point requires a lift

I agree.

@blurpityblurp how do you know it’s easier to poodle to Tesco’s in your Ford Focus when you can’t drive? I have navigated across many cities using maps, I managed fine but I can also drive, it depends where your driving, driving up the side of mountain with a sheer drop is much harder than navigating through a city on public transport.

I am quite happy to go out of my way to accomodate those who can't drive due to health reasons. Also situations like my friend who can drive but had no car for several months following a marriage breakdown.

However I don't think non-drivers realise what an inconvenience it can be. They might never ask for a lift but they won't be able to go to x because it isn't on a bus route or they will have to leave/arrive at a certain time because of the bus/train. Or if you plan a longer trip it will be a case of everyone getting an expensive/inconvenient train or you drive them all.

Even if you don't give them a lift you often end up with arrangements being affected by their lack of a driving licence.

Alex50 the point isn’t that driving can’t be challenging, it’s that many people who have cars only ever drive the few miles to work/school/supermarket and back. Thus, simply owning a car isn’t the magical resourcefulness-imbuing talisman some posters are acting like it is.

Travelling alone outside of your comfort zone (regardless of what medium) is what gives you independence and life skills. And generally cars do protect you from the outside world and mean you don’t have to do a lot of the work and skills-development that you need to have when travelling via public transport.

[quote Timekeeper1]I don't know what country this list is from, and it's not a driving school page, but even they mention kidnapping on point #3. Guess I'm not so weird now, huh? listovative.com/top-10-reasons-why-you-must-learn-driving/[/quote]
How bizarre because number 6 on the list is "become a good Samaritan" by giving a lift to a random stranger in difficulty on the road - it's a bit strange if you're simultaneously scared of being kidnapped. What if you get car jacked?

Getting a job is also a very important reason too.

Depends on the job. In my large workplace they really urge you not to drive to work unless you absolutely have to. They have regular surveys to help identify ways in which employees can avoid driving. They are very concerned about the impact of cars on the environment and about the health of the city. And they don't provide anywhere near enough parking spaces for all their employees: to do that they'd have to dig up green space and they have absolutely no intention of doing that.

A lot of the drivers in this thread moan about having to give lifts.

One of the reasons to learn to drive- giving lifts to others!

Oh, the irony!

Your safety is in your hands (pun intended). Take the driver’s seat and be responsible for your own security. With the surging cases of molestation, kidnap and rapes, it is essential that you do not rely on a complete stranger for dropping you to your safe spot. The creepy driver gazing at you from the rear view mirror can send jitters down your spine or an auto-driver who decides to sing romantic songs with you at the back of the seat is a warning that threatens your safety. Save yourself from such obscenity and licentiousness by driving your own car.

Fuck me, I hadn't made it that far. Was too busy laughing at the irony of "breaking stereotypes " coupled with "enjoy all the shopping and sales" .

This is just.. nah mate.

"Getting a job is also a very important reason too"

Because everyone knows that only drivers have jobs.

You really are tying yourself up in knots trying to prove how clever/independent/resourceful you are and how everyone should be just like you or else their some kind of stupid weirdo, but please stop now. It's getting a bit embarrassing.

They're*

@blurpityblurp of course they will need a lift at some point, as it’s a fact of life you need a car whether it’s taxi, bus or coach to be able to get to certain places, you can’t walk everywhere. When you need to move large objects you need a car.

Every single friend who doesn’t drive at some point requires a lift

No, not necessarily. None of my friends have a car either, and nor do we.

@blurpityblurp but how do you know if you don’t drive?

It's quite bizarre to call people who walk all the way, or walk to and from bus stops and train stations to get themselves where they need to be lazy.
While insisting that walking a dozen or less steps to get to their car and driving everywhere is so independent and fantastic.

I have no problem with anyone who does either, from reading this thread though many people seem to have a big issue with the former because their life isn't set up that way they cannot conceive that someone else's would be.

With the surging cases of molestation, kidnap and rapes, it is essential that you do not rely on a complete stranger for dropping you to your safe spot.

Ok, I didn't make it that far either. No idea if this describes an actual existing society, but it is definitely not the one I live in. Noone I know accepts lifts from strangers, kidnapping is extremely rare, and there is no rise in rapes or molestations. And romantic songs are not a thing. So I'll just carry on as I am then.

@Kazzyhoward

If it's raining I get an Uber.

Another one who lives in a big city. Plenty of smaller cities, towns etc aren't covered by Uber you know!

And plenty of people have bleated on here about needing a car in rural areas - it works both ways. Maybe let someone state their experience before cutting them down?

@blurpityblurp of course they will need a lift at some point, as it’s a fact of life you need a car whether it’s taxi, bus or coach to be able to get to certain places, you can’t walk everywhere. When you need to move large objects you need a car.

Taking a taxi hardly counts as inconveniencing other people by cadging lifts. Taxidrivers get paid, they actually want customers, this is not an inconvenience. Ditto removal vans.

of course they will need a lift at some point, as it’s a fact of life you need a car. When you need to move large objects you need a car.

Complete nonsense. I’ve never asked for a lift from anyone and have not been inside a car in probably two years. I have absolutely no need of a car, ever, I never have, and I can’t imagine that I ever will.

blurpityblurp but how do you know if you don’t drive?
How do I know what?

OP you've said no so now it's up to your DS to find a solution.

I really only drive on weekends and commute on public transport. I learnt quite late 20s before that I used to work out all my routes to make sure no-one felt they has to give me a lift. But it is annoying when a few of you have arranged to go somewhere and a non- drivers says they cant attend as the last bus is at 9pm or whatever and then always drops in 'unless someone can take me'. Also really fucks me off when they start telling me during me dropping them home about how great they are for not polluting the earth by driving (erm yes you are I'm driving much longer than I need to!). I've stopped giving lifts to most people.

Me and DP both drive so split long journeys, I would be very fucked off if he just chose he didn't want to learn rather than a medical reason. Weve both had surgeries were the other has collected and it makes a big difference having someone that can put loads of pillows down on the seats and drive slowly.