Grown men who can't drive

[madcatladyforever]

AIBU or what! Just had a row with my DS who is not talking to me because he can't drive at 40 years old. There is no good reason why not, he's done all the lessons just can't be bothered to take the test.
His wife ferries him about everywhere despite the fact she's in very poor health and shouldn't even be on the road in my opinion.
He wanted me to collect him for the weekend a 7 hour round trip and I said no, I have slipped discs and I'm on tramadol, I can't drive for 7 hours.
I don't see why we should be unpaid chauffeurs all the time and I'm not doing it any more.
Not being able to drive completely limits their lives, they can't live in a rural area which they want to do, he can only take a job there is public transport too and he can't drive to any big store out of town and pick up furniture or tools or whatever.
It is driving me mad and I said to his wife, stop ferrying him about, he needs to get his license. What happens if you have to go into hospital - who is going to drive you there and back.
Now he is furious with me for "interfering" but if your mother can't say it who can.
I get the test is scary but if we never did anything because we were nervous we'd never achieve anything in our lives.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

I have plenty of friends who don’t drive: can’t drive, don’t think they need a car in zone 3 London, can’t afford a flash car so don’t bother- I drive a 2013 hatch back that costs me a hell of a lot less than Uber’s and a travel card. Every single friend who doesn’t drive at some point requires a lift; they may not ask directly but you try leaving them after a meal when it’s raining to catch the bus- and if they don’t require a lift you feel Obligated to choose a spot to meet convenient for them. I can’t bear it!

This! This exactly! Non-drivers simply don't think of these things. It just does not occur to them. And this thread shows it. When you try to explain to them, you get snarky comments, name-calling and hostility. They just don't 'get it'.

My mum is from a country where knowing how to handle firearms safely is pretty much standard for anyone above the age of about 18. It’s just a normal life skill to know how to load, unload and fire guns.

I’ve managed to survive 30-odd years spent mainly in Western Europe without ever touching anything more powerful than a water pistol out of a Christmas cracker. And amazingly I’ve never been kidnapped and stuffed down an abandoned mine, where being able to use a gun would probably be handier than being able to drive.

It's unreasonable as a non driver to expect everybody to be a taxi for you, however it isn't unreasonable to have not learnt to drive. Not everybody wants to, feels comfortable to or has the means.

The only hosility on this thread has been from people who drive.

As a driver with a car I have never been expected to drive anyone anywhere. If I suggested giving someone a lift they would probably look at me weirdly.

Get the keys while they're sleeping/out of the room or whatever, and race out and into the car.

I'll do some research on that in a minute but I sincerely doubt that is the official advice or applicable in most hostage situations.

Every single friend who doesn’t drive at some point requires a lift

That says more about your friends than about non-drivers.

I only know one person who has a car, and she never uses her car on nights out.

Who are we all cadging these mythical constant lifts from, if none of us drive?

They must have very clueless hostage takers in Australia if it's that easy to get your car keys off them and they haven't even taken the basic precaution of incapacitating your car.

Here in the UK hostage taking is such an extremely rare occurrence that no ordinary person who didn't have a serious anxiety disorder would even think to prepare for it.

The risk of succumbing to asthma or respiratory disorders brought on or exacerbated by pollution, however, is a serious one.

Or what if you're at a dinner with friends, the driver has had a medical emergency and no one else can drive? And an ambo could take a while getting to you?

What if you're at home in your own house alone or with young children and have a medical emergency? Are medical emergencies particularly likely to happen at dinner parties?

they may not ask directly but you try leaving them after a meal when it’s raining to catch the bus- and if they don’t require a lift you feel Obligated to choose a spot to meet convenient for them. I can’t bear it

If it's raining I get an Uber. I ask where the meet up spot is, then if unfamiliar with it I google it. That's it.

Funnily enough, I've often had to call Ubers for my driving friends or drop them off first on nights out because they've drank too much/forgot about public transport times or can't be arsed and they don't have the app because "I drive everywhere ". Well you're not driving tonight are you?

I’m sure if I was ever taken hostage in the middle of the Australian outback and my only means of escape was a car, I’d figure out how to make it go pretty quickly.

I mean, it’s a car. Cars are not that complex. Most of learning to drive is learning the rules of the road, how to be aware of and respond appropriately to other drivers, and how to do complex manoeuvres. None of which would apply when flooring the gas pedal in the middle of the wilderness.

I can’t drive. I have severe anxiety and genuinely worry I’d hurt myself or someone else if I was on the road. I don’t expect anyone to ferry me around. My husband drives and he gives me lifts which he absolutely doesn’t mind doing or I take public transport / taxis.

@Timekeeper1 yes but only because despite living in a big city, I was on waiting lists for automatic instructors for over a year so by January I decided I would try manual. I would go automatic in a heartbeat if I could and I'm sure I would find it much easier as at the moment probably 80 per cent off my issues are related to the clutch/gears.

I've actually got a really good Australian outback/not having a license story but it's so outing

So maybe it is an Australian thing

No one I know uses their cars to go out for a meal. When I go out with friends we all like to have a drink so no one is driving anyway.

Or what if you're at a dinner with friends, the driver has had a medical emergency and no one else can drive? And an ambo could take a while getting to you?

The drivers I know would have had a drink, not have their cars with them and be getting a taxi home.
What would you do if your arm burst, lol.

they may not ask directly but you try leaving them after a meal when it’s raining to catch the bus- and if they don’t require a lift you feel Obligated to choose a spot to meet convenient for them. I can’t bear it

I found it really difficult in my younger days that my friends wouldn't take my word for it that I was happier making my own way home rather than getting a lift. I would get long lectures of how bad it was for a woman to be out at night and how they simply couldn't accept it. This was never about my helplessness, I made my way home from work every evening, rain or not rain.

@Chanjer do tell. But namechange first.

This is a UK-based website with good arguments for driving:
10 Reasons why learning to drive is a skill of a lifetime

www.progressschoolofmotoring.com/news/2018/learning-to-drive-changes-your-life

What about the level of pollution in many British cities, Timekeeper1? Would it not be better if on the whole fewer people did drive?

This is a UK-based website with good arguments for driving:

From a driving school. And number one on the list is “there are a range of financial options for managing the costs.” Which... isn’t actually a “benefit.”

How weird that a driving school promotes driving...

Where I’m from making a roti is a life skill, but I’m not that close minded (and dim) to think that someone who can’t make roti lacks independence or life skills.

@Timekeeper1 it's a load of twaddled peddled by a bloody driving SCHOOL! They make money from people wanting to learn to drive. Can you not see the "slight" conflict of interest there?

Come on, you're supposed to be super smart and skilled since you can drive.

@timekeeper1 why do you care so much if people thousands of miles away from you drive?

@ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble Yes, I knew people would say it's a Driving school site, but what points are 'twaddle'? All they've said is common sense.

Another item on that driving-school list is confidence. Which I would argue could equally be got from knowing you can manage without driving. My son who walks all over town and knows every backstreet, as well as walking between towns on occasion, is actually pretty confident. Some energetic bike riders I know are also quite confident.