Husband let child get sunburnt

[ReddyHell]

Name changed.

My DH took my DD (14 and a red head) out all day doing an archery course, locally to us (we are rural but almost next door to the adventure center) . I insisted on taking hats and quizzed about sunblock but they rushed off before i could watch them apply it. They returned after 8 hours and DD has bright red burn over her face and arms. I had cross words with them both, but aimed it at DH who just said "she wouldn't keep her hat on" to which replied "you're the parent, either make her keep the hat on or come home".
DD is notoriously laid back and lacking in any common sense which is why I checked about the hat before they left because I half knew my DH wouldn't even cross his mind. I just can't trust DH to parent properly and support my totally normal safety advice and take affirmative action.
AIBU to be utterly fed up with DH?

Surely there's a difference between a minor in your care and a grown adult living away from home

Most parents teach skills and gradually pass on responsibilities as their children grow precisely so they end up with a grown adult not an 18 year old child. There is always a risk with this, mistakes are part of the learning process. Teenagers have a higher risk of being killed crossing the road than either adults or young children fi. But what's the alternative? Make them hold mummy's hand until you drop them at university?

At 14 a parents duty vis a vis sun protection is to provide it and remind, not to forceably apply it when it's been refused.

There's actually a growing body of evidence to show that sun on the skin plays an important role in general health. It's not all about skin cancer and poping a vitamin d tablet.

Does it? I found most people terrified of the sun. SPF foundation, lipbalm, hand creams every single time they leave the house. People that won't let their kids play in the garden because they've ran out of suncream. The "one burn will give you cancer!" "This is life and death" stances. At the beach I wear long sleeves, suncream,glasses a hat and sit under an umbrella people. And so on.

See, I see the opposite The only group of tourists I ever see that are sunburnt are the Brits. Go the beach and people are doing their best to tan as much as possible. Some people will stay indoors and protect themselves but a huge number are out in the midday sun trying to get as brown as they possibly can.

I live and work in a touristy area and I'm always seeing people coming off the fells with incredibly painful looking sunburn. It's like they don't realise they need suncream on if they're up high!

@Porcupineinwaiting

There's actually a growing body of evidence to show that sun on the skin plays an important role in general health. It's not all about skin cancer and poping a vitamin d tablet.

But there's a balance. Being out in the sun doesn't mean staying out in the midday heat with no cream. Half an hour before 11am and after 3pm most days should be plenty.

Some people will stay indoors and protect themselves but a huge number are out in the midday sun trying to get as brown as they possibly can.

It always baffles me that schools have events ,walks and as much outdoor play as possible after 12/1 pm with barely any shade when the sun is the strongest. I know there are time constraints and they have to fit it all in school hours(I work in one) but still... let's walk a mile to swimming at 1 pm, then back at 2:30.

My 7 and 9 year olds know they need sun cream in summer and know they need to reapply - my 9 year old has difficulties with executive functioning yet knows and is able to get sun cream and apply it, and will ask for it if she can’t find it. At 14 I’d expect her to be well in the habit of sorting herself out. I’d be much more on top of missed homework etc though if she’s “talented and able” she just might not see the point.

OP she’s not a baby, time to learn through natural consequences that is she doesn’t protect her skin, she’ll get sunburn. I too have red hair and pale skin, I remember burning badly on a week away with friends at 18 - I’ve never had sun burn since. She’ll learn to care for herself when she feels the results of not doing so.

What would happen to her on a school trip? Would you expect the teacher to have to keep reminding her to apply suncream and to supervise her doing so?

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras

As a teacher I remind all the students I am on to put suncream on throughout the day if it’s hot and we are out on a trip all day. Even a level students. If a 14 year old refused I would call their parent/guardian to collect them.

You should be really embarrassed to be posting this OP.
Your child is 14 and no SN.
She lacks common sense and any sense of responsibility. That is a serious issue. She has realised that she doesnt need to engage her brain at all, because her parents will do it.
What's the point of being so able and talented but you dont have common sense??
Instead of being angry at your husband you should be telling her that that's what she gets for not being responsible! Its embarrassing really.

[quote OverTheRainbow88]@Hearhoovesthinkzebras

As a teacher I remind all the students I am on to put suncream on throughout the day if it’s hot and we are out on a trip all day. Even a level students. If a 14 year old refused I would call their parent/guardian to collect them.[/quote]
So if you were miles away, or abroad, you'd insist parents came and picked the child up?

After you've reminded students to put cream on do you supervise them doing it? Because they could easily say they've done it when they haven't. A 14 year old should be able to manage this independently.

And what would you do if the parents couldn't or wouldn't come get them @OverTheRainbow88?

We don’t go abroad and usually not far at all! Well usually just the phone call gets the cream on! Sadly we also have a school
Mini bus and take an extra teacher to take kids back to school who aren’t following the rules...so yes once before I’ve been genuinely concerned about a kid getting very burnt I’ve sent them back to school on the mini bus.

i was all ready to agree with you OP as i'd be livid if my kids got burnt.. but they are 3 and 6 mo.... so sorry but i think your daughter is responsible for this.

I’d be annoyed at hubby but more annoyed at daughter tbh.

My eldest commented recently that kids are either street-wise or book-wise, the latter being academically intelligent, but often lacking common sense. However, even then most teens know about sunscreen.

When I was 14 I was wearing 6 inch heels and hitch hiking lifts from my children's home so I could go clubbing or to house parties.
I thought she was four when you said about her keeping a sun hat on 😂

Yes I would be upset too but she isn’t a young child anymore so it mat be she needs to take more responsibility as it may be difficult to get a teenager to wear a hat and put sunscreen on! But it’s not all him either.

Dear god she’s 14! If she’s been sunburnt it’s her own fault, not your dh’s!
If she keeps getting into all these situations maybe she should stop doing So many activities as she clearly cam’t cope with the little responsibility.

I agree this is your DDs fail, not your DHs.
I find it interesting that you’ve let your DD fail- PE kit missing for weeks so missed sports events, loss of piano qualification, academic shortfalls, and it’s ok but the second your DH lets her fail with wearing a hat, you are fed up with him?
Why is it ok for you to let her fail, but not DH?

YABU. she's 14!

she should be applying suncream all year round; 15 spf in winter and at least 30 in summer. and re-applying during the day.
her skin type is most at risk from cancer.
try to help her get into a routine in the morning: after washing, brushing teeth, apply suncream.
i think some of the comments on here are because some pp do not understand/ accept how deadly dangerous skin cancer can be.

@vanillandhoney what did I tell you?
See below.

If she was 14 months I’d say YANBU

I am going to go against the grain here and say that I don't think this 14 year old does sound neurotypical. There is something not right here and I wonder if it needs further investigation.
There are two members of my family who are highly intelligent but both have specific processing difficulties, probably on the autistic spectrum, not obviously or extremely so, but their day to day functioning is generally a little bit incongruous given their level of intelligence/academic ability. Both are dyslexic.
I am probably not explaining it very well, but it is just something that is a constant struggle for them. It isn't just absent mindedness, it is more than that.