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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if you let your teenagers have alcohol

155 replies

betteliefsen · 19/07/2020 19:37

DS (15, 16 early next year) asked if he could have a bottle of cider (4%) with dinner tonight. I said no and will continue to say no but it got me wondering if that's unusual or if other 15 year olds are allowed alcohol at home.
YABU - yes, I let my teenager have alcohol at home
YANBU - no, I don't let my teenager have alcohol at home

OP posts:
Sunnydayshereatlast · 19/07/2020 19:40

My under 18 dc know better than than to ask if I allow alcohol...
Older dc hold me no grudges I wasn't the cool parent who did....

Tinamou · 19/07/2020 19:41

My DS is a year younger than yours. We let him have a little alcohol at home - say a glass of wine with Sunday lunch. I'd say yes to this request (one bottle of cider with a meal), but no to more than one drink.

Sexnotgender · 19/07/2020 19:43

My DD is 16. Occasionally she tries my wine or whatever but I wouldn’t give her her own.

Starlightstarbright1 · 19/07/2020 19:43

My Ds is 13 so didn’t vote but yes I would - I think making alcohol the forbidden fruit is the way to make them over indulge - however I may feel differently at 16

Scotsmaw · 19/07/2020 19:44

My dd is 16, a lot of her friends have been drinking for around three years. This past year i have allowed the odd smirnoff ice and this year up to 3 smirnoff ice or equivalent, she and her friends are all sensible and know their limits and none have the desire to get pissed. I think introducing it at home in a sensible way has helped as she has never snuck off to get pissed behind my back.

UntamedWisteria · 19/07/2020 19:44

if we (parents) were drinking then we offered the kids some of what we were having - beer or wine - from about age 15/16.

They need to learn to drink responsibly.

Even now they are both over 18 I don't allow them to drink at home unless we are all having a drink (we have some alcohol-free nights).

Original poster
betteliefsen · 19/07/2020 19:46

I've done the same as @sexnotgender and let him have some of mine, I'll leave some for him and he'll get a bit that way but I'm not keen on letting him have a whole bottle (500ml) of his own.

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 19/07/2020 19:46

Mine have had alcohol at home.

I agree making it forbidden will make drinking worse later on.

DD was relatively sober at there end of year party last year - her friends had to be carried or were passed out and needed hoiking off the beach or left very early!!

There’s no harm and a little bit won’t hurt

lydia7986 · 19/07/2020 19:47

I think I would have if they ever asked, but neither of my dds ever expressed any interest in alcohol (and they’re both still teetotal now).

autumnboys · 19/07/2020 19:48

My 16yo (Nearly 17yo) isn’t interested in alcohol. Offered to get him a fruit cider/some lager in the supermarket yesterday & he asked for Fanta. I bit theoretically against the idea, but he is. For now.

lydia7986 · 19/07/2020 19:48

We used to offer them a small glass of champagne on special occasions if Dh and I were having one (but they always refused)

Plainandsimple · 19/07/2020 19:51

We have allowed ours to have a taste when they’ve asked to try something we’re drinking, DS1 (now 19) doesn’t like the taste of alcohol at all, DS2 (16) will ask occasionally (about once a month) if he can have a small shot of something in his soft drink (ie rum & coke) and we’ll pour it for him. It’s not encouraged, it’s a very small/weak amount, but we’d rather he views alcohol as unexciting/not forbidden now, then head off to uni and get absolutely shitfaced on his first weekend and come a cropper because he’s finally allowed to drink!

Janet38373 · 19/07/2020 19:51

I don't give my young teens alcohol. I think the idea that if you give teens alcohol at a young age that they "learn" to drink responsibly has been debunked.

drugfree.org/newsroom/news-item/myths-debunked-underage-drinking-of-alcohol-at-home-leads-to-real-consequences-for-both-parents-and-teens/#

exexpat · 19/07/2020 19:51

Yes, both my DC had cider or wine occasionally at home from around that age, and are both more sensible around alcohol than many of their friends - DS went through university barely drinking at all. It is legal for them to drink alcohol at home at that age. I wouldn't start with a whole can though - pour out a glass from a shared can. To be honest, he has most likely been drinking with friends already without you knowing.

Pertella · 19/07/2020 19:52

I haven't got a teenager yet but I think that I will follow what my mum and dad did for me. From about 14 I was allowed wine spritzer or lager shandy at family gatherings. When I was 16 I was 'allowed' to drink on the proviso that if I ever got drunk or ended up in trouble after having alcohol then the privilege would be withdrawn.

cuntryclub · 19/07/2020 19:53

We don't drink so it's never been an option really.

Original poster
betteliefsen · 19/07/2020 19:54

@Pertella

I haven't got a teenager yet but I think that I will follow what my mum and dad did for me. From about 14 I was allowed wine spritzer or lager shandy at family gatherings. When I was 16 I was 'allowed' to drink on the proviso that if I ever got drunk or ended up in trouble after having alcohol then the privilege would be withdrawn.
Wouldn't that proviso just encourage you to hide it from them? My parents certainly didn't know I was drinking as it wasn't at home.
OP posts:
LovingLola · 19/07/2020 19:56

I wouldn’t allow it.
Mine are now 23 and 20. Older one drinks reasonably regularly but not to excess. Younger has zero interest.

Isithometimeyet0987 · 19/07/2020 19:57

I’m 22 I was allowed to drink at 15 although me and my friends had been drinking from 13 secretly. Being allowed to drink made it less of a thrill trying to secretly with friends outside in the freezing cold. My dd is only 4 but I think I would allow her to have a cider at that age.

netflixismysidehustle · 19/07/2020 19:58

Yes but it's very rare - Xmas, News Years etc

Fuzzyspringroll · 19/07/2020 19:59

My mum bought me my first drink at a pub on my 14th birthday. Social drinking is a huge part of most family gatherings. Nobody generally gets totally pissed, though. (Buying and consuming alcohol in public is legal where I grew up from the age of 16...I don't think there are any restrictions for alcohol consumption at home.)
I think it's important that children and teenagers are taught to drink responsibly. I've never been out binge drinking and I don't have any friends, who have done that. It just wasn't considered cool to throw up in the street after a night out. I've had quite a few nights out where I've had drinks but never had the problem of not being able to make my way home at the end of it.

OchonAgusOchonO · 19/07/2020 20:00

The wisdom on mn is that you must give your teens alcohol to ensure they don't overdo it when older. However, all the reputable peer reviewed research states the opposite.

mbosnz · 19/07/2020 20:02

We have alcohol issues on both sides. We are open about this with them.

I have not encouraged my DD's to drink, as I feel the 'bringing them up to drink alcohol responsibly' is a load of bull, having been brought up that way.

If DD's wish to smell or taste what we're having - 15 and 17, they are welcome to do so. 17 year old is welcome to have a G&T with us if she wants. Emphasis on a, and she has a single.

doadeer · 19/07/2020 20:02

I was always allowed a glass of wine or a beer at home. When I went to parties, out with friends and then university there were some truly horrendous episodes and every single person came from a home that banned alcohol.

PhilCornwall1 · 19/07/2020 20:02

Eldest is 18, so yep, he has what he wants, but he would have a bottle of beer every now and then from 16 onwards. 13 year old will make a couple of shandy's every now and then from a bottle.