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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if you let your teenagers have alcohol

155 replies

betteliefsen · 19/07/2020 19:37

DS (15, 16 early next year) asked if he could have a bottle of cider (4%) with dinner tonight. I said no and will continue to say no but it got me wondering if that's unusual or if other 15 year olds are allowed alcohol at home.
YABU - yes, I let my teenager have alcohol at home
YANBU - no, I don't let my teenager have alcohol at home

OP posts:
user1487194234 · 19/07/2020 22:27

I do sometimes think some parents push it on to their kids a bit
My Dd 17 will have a glass of champagne at family parties
Working hard at school /involved in sports and not interested in parties
dS 15 doesn't seem interested and I do think that is too young
Maybe they are drinking wildly at parties but I doubt it
Will it make a difference to their drinking long term
Who knows

jmh740 · 19/07/2020 22:36

My dd was 13 in feb, at xmas I bought a 4 pack of blue wkd she had 1 bottle at xmas 1 bottle on nye 1 bottle on her 13th b day in Feb and theres still 1 bottle in the cupboard.

LoveWillOvercome · 19/07/2020 22:48

My parents always gave me booze/bought me booze. Ive had some epic nights out in my teens but don't really drink now I'm an adult. I think as they trusted me with it and it wasn't an area of possible rebellion I just wasn't that bothered.

MinnieJackson · 19/07/2020 22:49

My friend gave her eldest daughter alchopops from the age of 10. She had 3 at a time and it was quite strange to see Confused she now is regularly allowed a large bottle of lambrini or some weird Caribbean twist thing. She's just turned 14. Her mum gave her a vodka and coke the last time I saw them. I'm not sure if this means she doesn't drink when she sees her friends and only at home but if she has had friends over they Facebook each other the next day about how 'hanging' they are. The amount she has makes me feel really uncomfortable but its not my place to say anything. My boys are a lot younger so I'm glad I have a good while before I'm asked by them.

Busymum45 · 19/07/2020 22:55

We let D's have shandy from about 15/16 as didn't want alcohol to be taboo. Dd 16 is allowed the odd can of Koppenburg, again don't want it being a big secretive thing.

OchonAgusOchonO · 19/07/2020 23:02

@jmh740 - My dd was 13 in feb, at xmas I bought a 4 pack of blue wkd she had 1 bottle at xmas 1 bottle on nye 1 bottle on her 13th b day in Feb and theres still 1 bottle in the cupboard.

You were giving a 12 year old alcohol? How on earth can you think that is a good think to do?

LovingLola · 19/07/2020 23:06

My dd was 13 in feb, at xmas I bought a 4 pack of blue wkd she had 1 bottle at xmas 1 bottle on nye 1 bottle on her 13th b day in Feb and theres still 1 bottle in the cupboard.

Why do you think it’s appropriate to give alcohol to a 12 year old?

jmh740 · 19/07/2020 23:07

I honestly dont see the issue with her having 1 drink sat at home with me and her dad. I was given a small glass of wine or a drink of cider from about that age on special occasions.

OchonAgusOchonO · 19/07/2020 23:10

@jmh740 - I honestly dont see the issue with her having 1 drink sat at home with me and her dad

Maybe try doing a bit of research.

2pinkginsplease · 19/07/2020 23:13

From the age of 16 I’ve allowed mine to have a little alcohol. I’d rather buy them a set amount and know what they are drinking rather than them go out and I don’t know what they are drinking or who they are getting it from. I buy them it on the provisio that they don’t drink anything else bar what I’ve bought them.

Ds will have a few drinks when out with friends he’s nearly 19. Dd is 17 and isn’t that fussed with alcohol, her friends all drink but she doesn’t.

Growing up we didn’t have drink in the house, my dad had problems with alcohol and my mum hates alcohol, so it was not allowed.

BrandNewShinyThings · 19/07/2020 23:14

My 16 yr old will have a cider with dinner occasionally. My DH and I often have a glass of wine or a beer with our dinner, I think he needs to learn that drinking in moderation is fine.

Porcupineinwaiting · 19/07/2020 23:14

Yes, a small one, if we are having a drink and he wants one. That's happened about twice in the last 6 months. The 12 year old is also offered wine if his brother is having some in the sure and certain knowledge he will say no thanks.

Titsywoo · 19/07/2020 23:14

Wow I'm surprised some are giving their 13 year olds alcohol! A friend of mine seems to encourage their 14 year old son to drink and I find it very inappropriate. Mine are 13 and 15. I'd allow the 15 year old a sip or two if she wanted to taste it but she has no interest at all. The 13 year old seems more interested but again I'd allow nothing more than a sip. My parents would give me a bit of booze but it didn't stop me going out and getting pissed with my friends! I wasn't doing it as rebellion, I did it to experiment/be the same as my mates/give me confidence as I was very shy. Don't kid yourselves that letting your kids have a glass of wine with Sunday lunch will stop them binge drinking.

HearingMyOwnVoice · 19/07/2020 23:15

Dd is 14. We've allowed a fruity cider at a couple of bbqs. We are trying to teach her to be sensible and hopefully not to go drinking in the park as we did as kids.

Porcupineinwaiting · 19/07/2020 23:16

Well it stopped me Titsy. Maybe it's a Spanish thing, the ability to have a drink or two and a good time without needing to get leg less?

Rachie1973 · 19/07/2020 23:19

@LovingLola

My dd was 13 in feb, at xmas I bought a 4 pack of blue wkd she had 1 bottle at xmas 1 bottle on nye 1 bottle on her 13th b day in Feb and theres still 1 bottle in the cupboard.

Why do you think it’s appropriate to give alcohol to a 12 year old?

It’s not really anyone else’s place to ask the appropriateness of it. Her child, her choice. It would appear, on face value that it’s brought out for specific occasions and she’s not buying her a 4 pack of diamond white weekly.

The joy of being relatively old now and having already raised my 6 is that I’ve thrown my pearls away now and have nothing to clutch.

I cannot for the life of me get upset over 3 mildly alcoholic drinks in a few months.

Prettybluepigeons · 19/07/2020 23:21

I allow my almost 17 year old a cider now and then.

jmh740 · 19/07/2020 23:22

She asked for it I'd rather she was having it at home than sneaking around behind my back thinking it's some forbidden fruit she has 3 older siblings in their 20s who all have a sensible attitude to alcohol.

SlightyJaded · 19/07/2020 23:29

Occasional glass of wine (aged 15 and 14) for special occasions like Christmas or a celebration meal, but to be honest they don't tend to finish a whole glass - it's more about being 'allowed'.

With the slightly older one (15) I have picked them up from a couple of parties where they have clearly had a drink (Kopparberg apparently) but they weren't obviously drunk, so I let it go.

HandsOffMyRights · 19/07/2020 23:34

My 14 year olds are not remotely interested. I'd let them try it if they wanted, but am a little relieved as my mother served me and my fellow 13/14 year old friends drinks in the pub she worked in.

I had unrestricted access to drink from 13 and this did not teach me responsibility. I'd get paralletic of a weekend in my teens and my friend had her stomach pumped.

whattodo2019 · 19/07/2020 23:36

Yes. My 14 yr old DD is drinking cider on the beach with friends

Northernsoullover · 19/07/2020 23:38

Please can people stop with the forbidden fruit shit. Educate your children to the dangers of alcohol. The impact is has on society. I guess as a nation we drink too much to be able to do that without being hypocritical.
France hasn't been mentioned yet but it often pops up in these threads when drinking at home with watered down wine is educational and oh so continental. France had such a bad problem with alcohol abuse that they banned the advertising of alcoholic drinks that were aimed at young people and at sporting events etc. You can find out more by looking for Evin Law on Google.

GhostTypeEevee · 19/07/2020 23:38

I don't really drink but if ds wanted to have a taste I would let him but it would not be alcopops or fruit cider. I think they fact they don't really taste alcoholic is quite dangerous.

On Instagram I've seen kids of 14 have crates of ciders and WKDs got their birthdays which I find bizarre

Chicchicchicchiclana · 19/07/2020 23:39

Yanbu to ask.

OchonAgusOchonO · 19/07/2020 23:41

@jmh740 - She asked for it I'd rather she was having it at home than sneaking around behind my back thinking it's some forbidden fruit she has 3 older siblings in their 20s who all have a sensible attitude to alcohol.

Have you looked at any of the research regarding alcohol and children?