to ask if you let your teenagers have alcohol

[betteliefsen]

DS (15, 16 early next year) asked if he could have a bottle of cider (4%) with dinner tonight. I said no and will continue to say no but it got me wondering if that's unusual or if other 15 year olds are allowed alcohol at home.
YABU - yes, I let my teenager have alcohol at home
YANBU - no, I don't let my teenager have alcohol at home

My ds is 16 and we first let him have a drink with us on New year's Eve. We had a bit of a party and said he could have a couple of beers. Since then he would join us for a beer maybe once a fortnight or so or if we have a BBQ etc. I feel this is up to each family and I'm sure some people would be horrified at this decision however I know some of his mates are out drinking behind their parents backs. I hope that he will be less inclined to follow them if it's not forbidden

I am teetotal, but I see nothing wrong with a 15 year old+ having a glass of wine or cider very occasionally on special occasions. Younger, no.
With a normal family dinner, no special occasion, I would discourage it.

Ds is almost 17. I let him drink when we were abroad on holiday last year and if he stays overnight at his mates.
At home he has an occasional cider probably three times so far this year.

Dd is nearly 16, she'll have the occasional cider, Pimms or alcopop. Doesn't like wine.

Dd is 16. She has one or two ciders per week.

Most of her friends drink a LOT more.

My sister has let me niece have a glass of wine at family parties or weekly dinners since she was 16 and it seems to have been positive as she is now 20 and has a very healthy attitude to alcohol.

But having thought about it, she hasn’t had a cider for a few weeks now...

Just a run of the mill dinner? No. If it were a celebration meal then, probably yes. Although, I was allowed watered down wine quite often with my Sunday meal from 5yo, and I'm still a complete wine heathen who dilutes wines so be careful of the unintended consequences.

All these people saying their children don’t like the taste/never drink. You do realise they are very likely drinking at parties etc without you knowing?!

@noidea02

All these people saying their children don’t like the taste/never drink. You do realise they are very likely drinking at parties etc without you knowing?!

No. I didn't even say that but this comment really irritates every time I see it on a thread about teenagers. Not all of them are drinking. Why can't you just accept that actually, maybe the parents do know their kids?

Actually if Mumsnet is anything to go on half the 15/16 year olds are in bed by 9:30pm every night, so that discounts them for a start.

My mum was strictest with my oldest sister, who subsequently binged alcohol from her early teens to early twenties.

Middle sister would go out and get hideously drunk, with an occasional shouting match with some other girls.

By the time I came around I didn't really have any rules. I was drinking Schnapps/Malibu from 13/14, progressing to Southern Comfort, Vodka and Spiced Rum. My school year frequently had beach parties I would drink at (I could get alcohol from shops by 16 as I could use my sisters passport) and my best friend's family owned a pub so I often went round hers to drink. Yes, I had times where I was hideously drunk and hungover the next day. I even had two extremely dramatic turns (ill spare the details).

Funnily enough, as soon as I was 18 and it was legal it became boring to me. By the time I got to university I was pretty over alcohol, and I now only drink a handful of times a year, and normally only one or two drinks at that.

Neither of my sisters drink to excess. Middle sister I am pretty sure drinks less than me while my oldest only has a few social drinks maybe once a month with a meal.

So in my experience, having alcohol at a young age meant binging at a younger age, but by the time we were early twenties we pretty much left it all behind.

Probably not the best example since a lot of people don't want youngsters binging, but this is just to say it doesn't necessarily mean you will be an alcoholic as an adult.

DD age 16 is allowed a glass of prosecco, wine or cider at home and doesn’t necessarily have to ask me. She isn’t a real fan of drinking and is v responsible so I trust that she would never have too much. The same goes if we are out and it’s a special occasion.
If she’s going to a party I will give her a low alcohol cider or smirnoff ice to take (4%). Her friends drink much stronger drinks and much more of them, occasionally getting very drunk which seems to be the norm. DD hates this and would never do it.

Mine were allowed a beer or cider on holidays or special occasions up to age 16. After that they were allowed to take a small amount to parties.
They never got drunk until after age 18. Now in their 20s they very rarely drink at all.

@noidea02

All these people saying their children don’t like the taste/never drink. You do realise they are very likely drinking at parties etc without you knowing?!

Some might be, but it's not that unbelievable that some teenagers don't like the taste of alcohol. Not every adult does. I was never interested in alcohol until I got old enough to go to the pub, and not even really then.

Mine are allowed it but they aren’t bothered about it at home, won’t ask for it. Occasionally if we have a family type party at home they’ll have a couple or Will ask us to get it if they’re out to a party or gathering and I’ll buy it for them. We don’t drink that much at home these days ourselves either.

DS (15) was allowed shandy on holiday last summer. This year he can do the same with the occasional stubby of larger. He doesn’t like wine, he likes fruity ciders but I avoid giving him those as I think they don’t taste like alcohol despite being quite strong in some cases.

I do. Believe that making it a forbidden fruit encourages bad behavior later. If it's something you've always had, loses its appeal somewhat.

Dd 14 has had Buck's Fizz and a canned mojo to but topped up with soda. I had the other half so very low percent alcohol. This is only on special occasions such as Xmas or a celebration event. I'd say only 3/4 times a year. When she is 16 I may let her have a weak drink on a sat night with dinner.

@noidea02

All these people saying their children don’t like the taste/never drink. You do realise they are very likely drinking at parties etc without you knowing?!

You’d be amazed. Someone with a better grasp of the internet would post a link but I’m sure I read a wee while back this generations’ teens basically reject alcohol and fags as a thing of the past.

My brother is 18 and tells me stories about all his friends whose parents think they don't drink, but who get paralytic at parties. He works in a bar so serves lots of them as well. I knew people like this at uni, too. I've always been close with my mum but she doesn't know every time I've been drunk. I do aways find it a bit strange that parents claim they know their teenagers / adult children hardly drink... Yes, they might not drink with you but if you go to a university party it's a very different situation!

No but we rarely have alcohol in the house anyway. I disagree that allowing it before 18 is beneficial to them in later life. They know it’s not good for health reasons but can make their own choices when adult.

My 14 year old hasn't asked yet. My 12 year old has and been told not yet. It's difficult to know how to approach drinking with the dc as dh is teetotal and I can't drink due to the meds I'm on. So we can't just offer them a sip of ours.

All those of you that believe that introducing alcohol avoids forbidden fruit syndrome. Think again. As a few posters have mentioned there is now plenty of evidence to suggest otherwise.
Alcohol is a drug and causes more harm for users and wider society than any other. Should we be giving our children smack? Cigarettes? MDMA? Just to take away the mystery?
I have two teens one of 17 and one of 15. I've never given them alcohol but I have said its up to them. I won't put it in their hands. I've talked to them about the danger of spirits. I've talked to them about the increased risk of violence or getting involved in risky behaviour.
I was given alcohol at an early age. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the buzz. I wanted more and I certainly drank more anywhere and everywhere. I don't drink at all any more but this hasn't influenced my decision to not give alcohol to my teens. The longer they wait the better.

@DancingInDespair a special occasion? Now this is where half of the problem lies. It seems that as a society an occasion cannot be special unless its lubricated with rotted fruit and veg. Isn't the occasion special enough? Imagine the upset at a wedding or barbecue if it was alcohol free. Perish the thought. Western society is so dependent on alcohol for any occasion. What the hell is the rush in sending teenagers into that mindset that you cannot enjoy yourselves or commiserate unless you are a few glasses down? Its utter madness.

Yes I allow my teen the odd drink at home.