Neighbours ‘can’t hear baby’

[jellyneilly]

Not an AIBU but really need some advice!

We live on a new build estate with terraces and the soundproofing is amazing. Can only hear my neighbours when they’re in the garden/out front, or when their children scream and run up and down the stairs. Can hear tantrums are happening but not what’s being said iygwim. DH went to get a package off them the other day and they had a chit chat. The wife said she was concerned because she never hears our baby cry. Oh trust me she has a decent set of lungs on her as she’s growing 3 months ahead of her actual age (born weighing 10 pounds and is already in 6-9 month clothes at 3 months). She doesn’t get upset often but when she does it’s either colic or teething now which has already started. I’d say she cries a normal amount and we’re very responsive to her. We have a 5 year old so I feel we’re ‘seasoned’ parents. She’s also a very happy baby, smiles and giggles constantly when she’s awake and sleeps like a dream at night. She’s developed in a way that she doesn’t need to cry when she wants something I.e. milk as she’s just started shouting at us. It’s so cute, she sounds like she’s trying to say ‘hungy’ when she wants milk because I always ask her ‘are you hungry’ so she copies me. The midwives at the hospital noted that I was very alert and independent when on the ward. The neighbour joked that we must ‘gag her’ or something. Well no, it just means we’re attentive parents I think! I don’t believe that they don’t hear her at all either as I can hear them talking with their friends at normal level in their garden with my windows shut so they will definitely her hear scream. Maybe they need their hearing tested?

My husband said she seemed genuinely concerned and now I’m worried she’ll report us to social services. Would they even come out for ‘baby doesn’t cry enough’? It just seems ridiculous to me. We have had the health visitor come round plenty so it’s obvious that our baby isn’t in any danger otherwise the HV would have seen. Its like you can’t please some people! I joked that next time DD’s having a screaming fit we should take her next door and let the neighbours deal with it I feel they’re the type of people who would also complain if she cried a lot. I presume she’s just taking from her own experience and is shocked at how content our baby is as her boys do seem like a handful.

What can I say to neighbour to quash these needless concerns before she causes us stress by reporting us to authorities? Record her for the day and show it to them? I have no idea

@Hobnobswantshernameback @Louise0701 I have a new-build and there is literally no noise from our neighbours that we are attached to. The insulation levels that have to be adhered to now mean that they are actually brilliant in that regard. 👍 The only time I hear our neighbours is when we are in the garden.

I hope the term “seasoned parents” becomes a new MN classic phrase.

I very very much doubt they think you are gagging your baby ffs

What a ridiculous post

@mummypiggg

Not sure what the fact that you're "seasoned parents" has to do with anything or how alert she was on the ward

Obviously you don't need to do anything and it's highly unlikely she's going to call social services.

Ha ha! I thought the same. I've got a five year and two year old and I'll the opposite of "seasoned" parent

Sorry but I had a good laugh so midwives commented you were “alert and independent” on the ward after giving birth (wow go you), your baby is ginormous and can say what sounds like hungry at 3 months old. Your baby also hardly ever cries. OK 😆.

I don’t really understand why you would give a comment like that any thought, it’s small talk or just trying to reassure you your screaming baby isn’t an issue for them. When our youngest was tiny he cried in the night to be fed and I apologised to our neighbour’s as their bedroom is at the other side of the wall and we can hear them. The neighbour said “we’ve never heard him once”. Clearly a lie. I didn’t then go into a tailspin about how I’m not gagging my baby, or that social services will drop by to investigate my baby who my neighbour never hears cry. How bizarre.

@insideofemptiness I am genuinely gutted, getting told I had a lovely cervix during a smear was the closest thing I have had to a compliment from anybody in years. I didn't realise they go round casually saying it to everyone like it means nothing.

I would have actually assumed was giving you a compliment about how good your baby was (not that I personally equate quiet as being good but many people do)

I also assume if she’s said the gagging thing without smiling she was being deadpan, and it went flying over you DHs head

If she genuinely thought you were gagging your baby, and about to call SS she’d hardly tip you off

Actually I remember telling my neighbour how I loved their dog as he was so well behaved you never heard him. I’m not about to call the RSPCA

Gagging a baby? Pfft.
You need to lock them in the coal shed.
My next door neighbour has a 7 month old baby who I think I've heard cry twice.
Maybe she actually does lock it in the coal shed.
You and your husband need to lighten up OP.

Maybe you should post this on the remedial reading board?

Do you mean the MNers with SN board, rosiejaune?

Smug stealth boast in guise of concern about being reported to social services for having a content baby and being so attentive

As someone who lives in a flat and has noisy dc I’m sure it was just a comment made in jest, and the mother is probably sensitive/paranoid about her noisy brood.

And I’m certain she won’t report you.

I wouldn’t report or complain about my neighbours for anything (excluding serious crimes of course) as I like to keep a very low profile. My dc bring enough attention to us so I love it when neighbours have noisy parties, play loud music and use power tools at anti-social times.

Also I get very excited when I see new families moving in or pregnant woman!

@rosiejaune her point was professionals had observed her caring for the baby appropriately, so she is clearly capable of parenting.

Yeah, but that's not what that means at all though. It's nothing about her parenting, it means she's not whacked on painkillers and is able to move by herself. OP is just gagging for validation.

Gagging the baby is exactly something you joke about. If she was being serious and thought you were gagging your baby she'd already have reported you.

Your neighbour was joking. Your post reminded me of my favourite graffiti: 'Be alert, your country needs lerts.'

Can I just drop her in my own birth related stealth boast? When I have my first baby, the surgeon doing my c-section commented that I had extremely strong stomach muscles? They're fucked now though so I like to remember them when I can.

the ones who are smug about being attentive tend to make children who can't handle not having their needs met immediately.

That's rather unpleasant.

Children who have their needs met by attentive parents (smug or not) when tiny are set up to be more confident and independent as they mature.

@Hobnobswantshernameback 😂😂😂

I know this thread has descended into farce, but as a social worker twice I've dealt with referrals that got passed on because neighbours stopped hearing/seeing children despite knowing a family still lived next door. Clearly it's a bit different when the neighbour stops seeing the child with the parent, but in those cases what started off with a bit of an eye roll referral moved up the chain when it was found the families had disengaged from professionals/gone under the radar. Those cases I went out to on duty were some of the saddest I've dealt with, significant neglect at a very vulnerable age. I know nosy neighbours are frustrating but they can also be very useful!

@LonginesPrime

Maybe you should post this on the remedial reading board?

Do you mean the MNers with SN board, rosiejaune?

Why would I mean that? Most people who misread things because they're so eager to disagree with the poster likely don't have additional literacy needs.

As you have just proven (assuming you aren't dyslexic etc).

I.e. her point was professionals had observed her caring for the baby appropriately, so she is clearly capable of parenting.

Not what it means at all. Means the patient is able to function normally as an individual, get out of bed and care for themselves. It means absolutely nothing about parenting a baby. It’s the exact same note you put for a 65yo man after an op when he is fine, able to converse normally and get out of bed and go to the toilet. The fact that OP is clinging to this sort of stuff as some sort of ‘validation’ is unusual and a concern.

Also, I have a new baby who rarely cries and is very content. However, I am not a ‘seasoned parent’ and don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. I just figured Mother Nature had done me a favour and given me a quiet one.

They can’t say hungry yet, though. Bloody idiot.

@backseatcookers

My notes from my neurologist always say "I saw this delightful young woman" and I was flattered until i was told this is apparently big standard for anyone who basically isn't difficult.

It's a bit old-fashioned now, but it used to be a standard way of clueing your colleagues in that 'this patient is a pain in the arse' without actually saying so. If you always wrote, "I would be most grateful if you could see this delightful..." then it stood out if you just put, "Please can you see Mrs Smith..."

Sadly, online referrals and standardised proformas have rather seen the custom die.