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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbours ‘can’t hear baby’

251 replies

jellyneilly · 19/07/2020 09:49

Not an AIBU but really need some advice!

We live on a new build estate with terraces and the soundproofing is amazing. Can only hear my neighbours when they’re in the garden/out front, or when their children scream and run up and down the stairs. Can hear tantrums are happening but not what’s being said iygwim. DH went to get a package off them the other day and they had a chit chat. The wife said she was concerned because she never hears our baby cry. Oh trust me she has a decent set of lungs on her as she’s growing 3 months ahead of her actual age (born weighing 10 pounds and is already in 6-9 month clothes at 3 months). She doesn’t get upset often but when she does it’s either colic or teething now which has already started. I’d say she cries a normal amount and we’re very responsive to her. We have a 5 year old so I feel we’re ‘seasoned’ parents. She’s also a very happy baby, smiles and giggles constantly when she’s awake and sleeps like a dream at night. She’s developed in a way that she doesn’t need to cry when she wants something I.e. milk as she’s just started shouting at us. It’s so cute, she sounds like she’s trying to say ‘hungy’ when she wants milk because I always ask her ‘are you hungry’ so she copies me. The midwives at the hospital noted that I was very alert and independent when on the ward. The neighbour joked that we must ‘gag her’ or something. Well no, it just means we’re attentive parents I think! I don’t believe that they don’t hear her at all either as I can hear them talking with their friends at normal level in their garden with my windows shut so they will definitely her hear scream. Maybe they need their hearing tested?

My husband said she seemed genuinely concerned and now I’m worried she’ll report us to social services. Would they even come out for ‘baby doesn’t cry enough’? It just seems ridiculous to me. We have had the health visitor come round plenty so it’s obvious that our baby isn’t in any danger otherwise the HV would have seen. Its like you can’t please some people! I joked that next time DD’s having a screaming fit we should take her next door and let the neighbours deal with itGrin I feel they’re the type of people who would also complain if she cried a lot. I presume she’s just taking from her own experience and is shocked at how content our baby is as her boys do seem like a handful.

What can I say to neighbour to quash these needless concerns before she causes us stress by reporting us to authorities? Record her for the day and show it to them? I have no idea

OP posts:
QuacksInTheDark · 19/07/2020 11:16

I think you should go and knock and explain everything to her just as you have here, actually just print the thread and post it through her door. That’ll learn her.

Ellie56 · 19/07/2020 11:19

The next time she starts screaming just open the door, so they can hear her.

I doubt very much that SS will be concerned about a baby that doesn't cry much. They know all babies are different.

When we moved into our house 20 years ago with 3 healthy boys ranging in age from 2 -6 our neighbour told my mum she never heard them. I was Hmm as they were always making a noise, especially in the garden.

Redlocks28 · 19/07/2020 11:19

I couldn’t care less what my neighbours thought. I find it odd that you’re so concerned about what they’ve said and that you feel the need to prove yourself.

This.

It makes you look either paranoid or like you’ve got something to hide.

Sunnysidegold · 19/07/2020 11:20

OP,aibu is always a bit dangerous to post in.

I read your post and thought at first you were showing off about being an awesome parent. But now I wonder if you are maybe feeling a bit overly anxious?

I get that you don't find the gagging comment funny, but I genuinely think it's just a difference in humour. If she had concerns she'd be reporting them, not telling your husband.

Fwiw, when my son stayed at my parents' last time dad said he was being a model guest and then in the next message said "we let him out of the cupboard to feed him.now and then". It's probably just a throwaway comment to your neighbour.

What does your husband think? I know you said he thought she was serious but maybe she just had a deapan expression? Or maybe she'd had a rough day and was jealous that your children are quiet?

I would maybe just chat to your HV - she can allay any concerns about SS. Take care.

MakeItRain · 19/07/2020 11:20

OP your baby sounds lovely Smile You're never really going to know what your neighbour meant by the comment unless you asked her. She might have been joking, concerned or jealous or just being nosey. Try not to let it worry you. It's unlikely that she'd make a report but even if she did it's very unlikely they'd even follow it up.

Maybe just make a point of saying hello, with your baby in your arms if you want to remain on good terms with her. It's always a good idea to get on with neighbours if you can.

Language acquisition in babies is fascinating and i think they can attempt to mimic sounds from early on. I saw this wonderful video of a tiny baby appearing to try to say "I love you" after copying his dad several times. Maybe it was a fluke but actually I think it had more to do with copying the way his dad's mouth was moving. It was lovely anyway, and your baby's "hungee" sounds must be lovely to hear too. Flowers

Addler · 19/07/2020 11:20

@FairNotFair My old neurologist once referred to me as a 'very knowledgable young lady' so at least I've improved! Grin

Sharkerr · 19/07/2020 11:21

That’s nice that the midwives noted you were very alert and independent on the ward OP, was that noteworthy cos you were coming round from a tonne of painkillers? Grin

Seriously though it tickles me how every single baby on MN is ‘very alert and independent’... what does independence even look like in a newborn?

Btw... what do you have going on in the house that makes you nervous of social workers? Or is this just another way to spread anti social worker ‘they take your kids away for nothing’ rhetoric?

YABU just in general. What a bizarre thread.

Justgivemesomepeace · 19/07/2020 11:23

Ok so my direct answer to your question 'What should I do about my neighbours concerns?' is that you should do absolutely nothing. Dont give it another thought. No way does she seriously believe you are gagging your baby. It was a throw away comment. If she was to ring SS about the quiet baby next door she would look like a loon. People are questioning your MH as your reaction is totally irrational.

Abitouting · 19/07/2020 11:24

What a load of waffle.

And you don't need to do anything OP.

Charleyhorses · 19/07/2020 11:24

You are so over Thinking this.

FairNotFair · 19/07/2020 11:24

@Addler
"a 'very knowledgable young lady'"?
Damning. Utterly damning.

Sharkerr · 19/07/2020 11:25

My notes from my neurologist always say "I saw this delightful young woman" and I was flattered until i was told this is apparently big standard for anyone who basically isn't difficult.

Yep 😂 doctor speak is fascinating. That literally just means you’re not a pain in the arse.

When patients are a known pain in the arse they get something like

‘I saw this young woman in clinic’

tryingharder92 · 19/07/2020 11:25

@jellyneilly

I had to stay for a week post birth because she had an infection?
You would still be a patient, no?
tryingharder92 · 19/07/2020 11:26

@LockdownLump

My husband said she seemed genuinely concerned and now I’m worried she’ll report us to social services

Have you ever thought about joining your local amateur dramatics group?

Fantastic Smile
kazzer2867 · 19/07/2020 11:27

@CannonCaboodle

What a load of smug BS. This can't be real!

I don't think it is. I have a feeling it's the same person who has been posting for a while and then their posts are taken down for being a troll.

backseatcookers · 19/07/2020 11:27

[quote Addler]@FairNotFair My old neurologist once referred to me as a 'very knowledgable young lady' so at least I've improved! Grin[/quote]
Did you bring in notes from the NHS website? Or slap the neurologist? Otherwise the character assassination of that comment is utterly damning Grin

Zaphodsotherhead · 19/07/2020 11:28

I know OP has said she's leaving the thread, but just in case she glances over the replies again...

OP, can you see how EVERYONE, unanimously, is telling you (sometimes in somewhat forthright ways, admittedly) that you are worrying about nothing? That NOBODY is going to report your baby to SS for not crying?

Can you process that? We've all said that your neighbour was joking.

Now, can you see that your reaction has been a little bit over the top, compared to literally everyone else who's posted? And that, just maybe, it may be an indication that you are worrying too much? And that can be a sign of post natal depression or anxiety?

We are not questioning your mental health status because you are saying your baby is sounding out words, we are genuinely concerned because you seem to believe that Social Services would come to intervene with your child on the say so of neighbours.

tryingharder92 · 19/07/2020 11:29

You and your husband sound made for each other!!

rainingcats · 19/07/2020 11:32

Are you sure she didn't mean she was concerned in a way that your baby is relatively calm compared to her children - so the concern is about he own children's behaviour if you see what I mean

I actually think she was being nice - people often pretend to new parents that they can not hear their baby - they can they just don't want to make you feel awkward or embarrassed about it

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 19/07/2020 11:33

How is your baby now?
My baby is now 9 Grin
He has a health problem (that doesn't effect weight) so has hospital appointments 1-2 times a year and they weight and measure him.
He's tracked along the 50th percentile for height and weight since he was around 2.
When he was 8 months old I cancelled his HV check up because his weight was so large he wasn't just at the top of the percentile chart he tracked off the top of the red book. And I knew they would give me grief about it.
The ironic thing is, he was breastfed and has a very restricted diet due to multiple allergies, he has the best diet out of all of us!
He was just breast obsessed, I think that was the key.

Winterwoollies · 19/07/2020 11:33

This is either designed to wind posters up for fun or it’s the most epic stealth boast, which isn’t that stealthy. 😆

vikingwife · 19/07/2020 11:37

If social services knock on your door just show them your hospital notes as proof of proper parenting - situation solved!

This can’t be real. What a good belly laugh though

Zaphodsotherhead · 19/07/2020 11:37

@Winterwoollies

This is either designed to wind posters up for fun or it’s the most epic stealth boast, which isn’t that stealthy. 😆
Or it's someone who is suffering from dreadful anxiety and using everything she can to justify the way she feels.
ComDummings · 19/07/2020 11:39

Love a not-so-stealth boast. Or troll. Who knows!

OlaEliza · 19/07/2020 11:39

@GoldenOmber

I am fairly sure than when my neighbours said “does that baby ever cry, we can’t hear a thing!” they meant “we can absolutely hear your howling colicky baby but we are nice and don’t want to make you feel bad about your baby crying.”
This.

They absolutely can hear your baby. And the gagging comment means you need to do something about it.