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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that not hugging isn't that big a deal.

171 replies

TennisButterfly · 19/07/2020 09:48

I keep reading on here that people are desperate to hug their parents other family.

I don't get it.

I just don't think not hugging is that big a deal, you can now visit family and friends. You can sit on the settee and have a cuppa, this is honestly how my visits have always been.

Now don't get me wrong, I love a cuddle but only my DH and my children. I just don't feel the need to hug my mum.

For the vote:
YABU - don't be silly I must hug my parents
YANBU - just spending time together is enough.

OP posts:

FattyBoom · 19/07/2020 18:49

I'm a hugger, as are my friends and family - we would always hug hello/goodbye (including close work colleagues that were going on/coming back from a period away such as holidays/maternity leave) so am really feeling it! You are lucky you aren't

stitchmaker85 · 19/07/2020 18:49

@MilerVino

I can't see what all the fuss is about to be honest, especially now we can see friends and family again, we just need to be outdoors/distanced etc. No need to hug, it can wait, hugging isn't the be-all and end-all in life at all.

OK, help me out here. I do not like being hugged, except by my partner. Where he is concerned I am a bit of a hug monster, but it's OK, he likes this. Anyone else? No, yuck, go away. The lack of hugging people has for me been a plus side of lockdown.

However, I am able to see that other people have different requirements. I don't view this as bad, or as a failing on their part. We're a social species, we have evolved in groups, physical contact is a pretty normal part of that. For those of you who hate hugs and think others should do likewise, can you not just leave them to it? Provided they're not trying to hug you, what is the problem? It's important to them and they need it, so leave them to it.

My issue though is everyone I know who likes hugs IS trying to hug me and won't accept that I just don't like it

dollypops15 · 19/07/2020 18:53

I'm completely with OP on this I dont get it at all.

Genua · 19/07/2020 18:57

“ My issue though is everyone I know who likes hugs IS trying to hug me and won't accept that I just don't like it”

Well that was an issue pre coronavirus anyway

MilerVino · 19/07/2020 19:10

My issue though is everyone I know who likes hugs IS trying to hug me and won't accept that I just don't like it

That is annoying, yes. IMO both sides need to leave each other to it. Huggy people can hug each other, and leave the non-huggers alone. But that doesn't stop both sides recognising each other's needs and letting them get on with it. I'm puzzled by the people on here who think that because they hate hugs, everyone else should cope fine without them.

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 19/07/2020 20:03

I could quite happily never have human contact. I loathe hugging and touchy people gross me out. Some people need that though. We're all different.

whoamitojudge · 19/07/2020 20:28

@Drivingdownthe101

My mum lives on her own, by the time she was allowed in our bubble she hadn’t had any physical human contact for over three months. That might not bother some, but it really bothered her. She was so happy to have a hug from her grandchildren. I haven’t hugged her as we don’t tend to hug each other, but physical contact from the grandchildren really lifted her mood.

Same here except the only reason I haven't hugged my mum is that I am a key worker so don't want to risk anything

Seeingadistance · 19/07/2020 20:28

I am not a hugger and the past few months have been a great relief actually as I’ve been not been subjected to unwanted hugs or sad faces from those who can’t accept that not everyone wants to be hugged.

And I’m speaking as someone who is single and lives alone.

AlicjaCross · 19/07/2020 22:15

Fair enough but doesn't mean that others can't be sad about limited or no human contact.

If you don't want to be hugged just say so.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 19/07/2020 22:16

Literally skipping past all the anti huggers who only like hugs from their DP, DC, Dcat and Ddogs (who they live with ) and concentrating on the folk who live alone and therefore don't have that option but are coping nonetheless. I think the former are spectacularly missing the point and it's really annoying.

Franticbutterfly · 20/07/2020 00:22

Not a hugger, I Do it because it's expected (except for kids and DH who I love to cuddle). YANBU.

tobee · 20/07/2020 00:31

I haven't hugged my Dh since the start of lockdown (or touched him) despite living in the same house as him, as he's very vulnerable and shielding, because the rest of us aren't 100% able to shield. Even though the rules of changed for shielded, we stir haven't hugged. I can't fucking stand it.

I have always loved to hug, my children, sister, parents, my grandparents when they were alive, friends.

Cuddling is extremely important to me.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 20/07/2020 00:35

I would be happy if hugging were completely socially unacceptable at all times. It gives me the creeps. What is wrong with a polite handshake, or a wave?

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 20/07/2020 00:37

boxerbeat also, I don't have a partner or small children, I'm lonely in lockdown, but bodily contact isn't going to cure that. If it were to be threatened, I'd see it as a reason to stay home...

MiddlesexGirl · 20/07/2020 00:39

YABU only because you think it's parents who should be getting hugs. I'm quite happy not hugging parents but I do miss hugging or just being in close proximity and the occasional touch with friends.

Cam2020 · 20/07/2020 00:43

Depends on circumstances and personality. I'm sure there are plenty of single people that could use physical contact.

thecatneuterer · 20/07/2020 00:49

I've never hugged anyone except boyfriends/partners. Hugging anyone else seems weird and awkward. Until all this talk of not being able to hug family it hadn't really occurred to me that it was such a common thing.

MrsBobDylan · 20/07/2020 07:35

I have 3 ds, two have Autism and don't let me hug them. The most severely disabled of the two would scream if I held him facing towards me as a tiny baby, so I had to hold him facing away.

I have sat next to him sleeping, resting my hand on his because I have longed to touch him. Being able to hug and be hugged is very important.

MrsBobDylan · 20/07/2020 07:40

Also, I am not a natural hugger - my sisters and I laugh at how wooden we are when it comes to hugging each other, our partners or friends. But there have been times in my life when someone has pulled me in giant hug when I have been upset, and I have been very grateful.

maddy68 · 20/07/2020 07:50

I left the UK a few weeks ago to a country that's way ahead of the UK in terms of covid control. The first thing I noticed was hugging was normal again and it felt wonderful I hadn't noticed I had missed it either

labyrinthloafer · 20/07/2020 07:53

I am going with yanbu if people do have someone to hug, but for those in single households it is very tough so in their cases yabu.

So for me I don't mind not hugging others as I have my family. I think a single person would feel differently.

Lack off physical contact is a big part in loneliness and mental health issues. We are really having to make some miserable trade offs!

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