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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that not hugging isn't that big a deal.

171 replies

TennisButterfly · 19/07/2020 09:48

I keep reading on here that people are desperate to hug their parents other family.

I don't get it.

I just don't think not hugging is that big a deal, you can now visit family and friends. You can sit on the settee and have a cuppa, this is honestly how my visits have always been.

Now don't get me wrong, I love a cuddle but only my DH and my children. I just don't feel the need to hug my mum.

For the vote:
YABU - don't be silly I must hug my parents
YANBU - just spending time together is enough.

OP posts:
IJustWantSomeBees · 19/07/2020 11:12

Pointing out that you have been hugging people regularly so don’t know how it’s been to not have that is not people being nasty! People are just upset that you do not seem to be acknowledging this

Shmithecat2 · 19/07/2020 11:14

I'm a hugger, and I have to remind myself that I can't hug a friend/member of family when I see them. It may not be a big deal to you OP, but then not everyone is the same as you. You do know that, don't you? Confused

Genua · 19/07/2020 11:14

OP there is a big difference between saying “I personally don’t find it hard but can see how others do” and “This is not a big deal”. The second phrasing is implying that others are making some sort of drama out of it when it’s clear that’s not the case

Chocolatesmellsfunny · 19/07/2020 11:14

I'm fine not hugging my parents but we went through a period where my partner (who I live with) was full on shielding so we had no physical contact at all for weeks. It was horrible, really bad for both of our mental health. I have huge sympathy for anyone who has to live like that, or who lives on their own and doesn't get any physical contact at all. It's truly shit.

Illdealwithitinaminute · 19/07/2020 11:14

I spent time with a little baby who is just walking recently and it was sad to see him reach out his little arms to our family and us having to just move away. That is not a natural response to a tiny child wanting a hug!

It's a bit different not hugging all and sundry, I hug my teenagers a lot (unluckily for them) and would be missing human contact if I couldn't hug anyone.

maddiemookins16mum · 19/07/2020 11:15

I’m not a hugger either, apart from DD and DP. If I hadn’t seen my mum for months I’d have been perfectly happy just seeing and talking to her in close proximity.
BUT that’s me, everyone is different.

wildcherries · 19/07/2020 11:15

@Meerschweinchen1990

Lol I love posters who are like ‘I don’t know why people are so desperate to see their parents/friends/siblings’ and then casually drop in that they have a husband and kids so actually have no idea what it’s been like to be on your own in this situation and not being ‘allowed’ to hug other people.
All of this. Exactly.
purpleme12 · 19/07/2020 11:15

@Genua

OP there is a big difference between saying “I personally don’t find it hard but can see how others do” and “This is not a big deal”. The second phrasing is implying that others are making some sort of drama out of it when it’s clear that’s not the case
Exactly
Pipandmum · 19/07/2020 11:16

I have no desire to hug my friends or relatives other than my kids. My parents were affectionate, but I'm just not a touchy feely person.

MilerVino · 19/07/2020 11:18

if that was the case you could form a support bubble with your parents and then you could hug them.

You can now. From the end of March to some point in June you couldn't. I actively dislike hugs from most people but I really, really struggled with not being able to hug my OH.

Genua · 19/07/2020 11:20

So many of us saying we don’t want to hug anyone “other than my children” when we live in the same household as them - if we were suddenly barred from hugging them it would be incredibly difficult. It’s easy to say that it’s no big deal if all the people you want to hug are available to hug

RunningFromInsanity · 19/07/2020 11:20

Weird how you like hugging your kids but don't think your mum might miss hugging you. this.

And quite frankly if you are as rude in real life how you’ve come across in this thread I imagine not many people want to hug you anyway.

purpleme12 · 19/07/2020 11:20

We have a bubble with my mum but like I say all that means is me and my child have stayed for the night. Me and my mum are not close I don't get my support from her. So while it's good we can do that I'm still not getting my support from going to work and seeing my friends. So it's still not made things better for some people

ilovesooty · 19/07/2020 11:21

@Starbuggy

YABU

You can get physical contact from your DH and kids, you have NO idea how hard it is for those of us living alone who haven’t had any physical contact with anyone for four months.

I live alone and I'm not actually a big hugger at all. However I did want to hug the very elderly friend I visited a few days ago - it's something we would normally do. People's needs are very different though and I think this is a hugely insensitive thread.
FourPlasticRings · 19/07/2020 11:22

You having a very strong opinion about something I am lukewarm about makes this post anything but stupid as it allows me to understand where you are coming from and have more empathy with you.

I don't know, OP. You're the one who started a thread on it. That suggests more than a lukewarm opinion, to my mind.

burnoutbabe · 19/07/2020 11:22

It will be a bit weird to not hug my parents when I stay with them next month but it would only be on arrival and leaving anyway.

Else we'll just fist bump maybe?

(47 and 70)

We're not particularly huggy so happy to see them and just sit other end of dining table and sofa.

ThatsHowWeRowl · 19/07/2020 11:24

I'm actually really enjoying the lack of hugging when meeting people! I love hugs with my DH and kids but not anyone else. My own family are quite close, but we just aren't huggers when we see each other. And I find hugging to say hello/goodbye with friends, friends husbands etc really excruciating!

Two of my closest friends are real huggers and kissers to everyone, so when we see people and I'm with them, we have to go through the ritual of everyone fucking hugging/kissing everyone, and sometimes there are people who you don't even know that well there. I hate it! So it has been so nice to start seeing people again, knowing I won't have to hug them!

I would love it if hugging as a greeting/goodbye never came back to be honest!

ButterMeCrumpets · 19/07/2020 11:25

I hate anyone other than DH hugging me but for others it really matters and I can understand why they are upset.

Mypathtriedtokillme · 19/07/2020 11:25

I’m sooo glad air kisses are done with.
Dhs family are Italian did double air kisses for all.

My family we do the NZ east coast salute which is a small upwards nod at the same time as an eyebrow raise.

ilovesooty · 19/07/2020 11:28

Not my fault you're single is it?

That post, coupled with accusing others of being rude to you, sums up your own crassness quite frankly.

purpleme12 · 19/07/2020 11:29

@ilovesooty

Not my fault you're single is it?

That post, coupled with accusing others of being rude to you, sums up your own crassness quite frankly.

👍
Original poster
TennisButterfly · 19/07/2020 11:34

Goodness me, mumsnet can be a bitter place.

I came here originally to get some advice on a serious situation and got it, I'm grateful for that.

I stayed because I thought I could repay that and I hope have.

I won't be staying any longer as it appears canvassing opinions to gain an understanding of situations different to my own is frowned upon.

I asked if I was unreasonable to feel hugs are not a big deal, it has been pointed out by a significant minority that I am.

I have replied graciously that this helps me have empathy. People have continued to pile on with accusations of rudeness and stupidity.

This is clearly not a pleasant way to spend a sunday afternoon so I won't engage any further.

OP posts:
TennisButterfly · 19/07/2020 11:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Genua · 19/07/2020 11:38

That escalated quickly

purpleme12 · 19/07/2020 11:38

Wow. It is only you who've come off bad in this thread I'm afraid

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