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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that not hugging isn't that big a deal.

171 replies

TennisButterfly · 19/07/2020 09:48

I keep reading on here that people are desperate to hug their parents other family.

I don't get it.

I just don't think not hugging is that big a deal, you can now visit family and friends. You can sit on the settee and have a cuppa, this is honestly how my visits have always been.

Now don't get me wrong, I love a cuddle but only my DH and my children. I just don't feel the need to hug my mum.

For the vote:
YABU - don't be silly I must hug my parents
YANBU - just spending time together is enough.

OP posts:
Genua · 19/07/2020 15:17

Ah sixthtimelucky and a few others might have missed the OP really losing the plot (now deleted)

purpleme12 · 19/07/2020 15:23

@WanderingMilly you are talking about your experience. As said earlier you must know this is not the case for everyone. It's not hard to realise that and that's what this is about
Different things are important for different people

KatherineJaneway · 19/07/2020 15:32

No need to hug, it can wait, hugging isn't the be-all and end-all in life at all.
Honestly, such a fuss.....

Ah yes, it doesn't matter to you so cannot possibly matter to anyone else.

OneForMeToo · 19/07/2020 15:36

I reckon huggers are the extroverts. You know who the introverts (non huggers) must all bow down to their superior life want otherwise we are weird.

I’m glad to not have people in my personal space and I have no want to hug my mum or my brother or my dad. Frankly I barely hug my husband and my kids only get a quick night hug or if they are hurt.

We don’t need to be touching each other all the time 🙄

frustrationcentral · 19/07/2020 15:42

Hugging is a big deal to lots of people, I don't hug my parents - I'm not sure I have ever as an adult. We're just not that sort of family

I have a couple of friends I always greet with a hug, but I'm not bothered if we don't

So no, I'm totally unfazed by the no physical contact with people rule currently, but I totally understand and respect why people do need it and miss it

MolotovMocktail · 19/07/2020 15:42

YANBU I’m thoroughly enjoying the new normal of low physical contact. Am a smug married though and like hugging DH, DS and DDog, but contact with anyone else makes my skin crawl a bit. Don’t know why, I was raised with lots of hugs, but I hate it.

ilovesooty · 19/07/2020 16:05

She simply said she didn't get it
She said a lot more than that and was rude even before she was deleted.

Ragwort · 19/07/2020 16:11

It s the best thing about this whole situation for me Grin .. I am absolutely not a hugger, I am close to my parents (& I have been visiting then as they are 'vulnerable') but we never hug or kiss even pre Covid.
I have a friend who always hugs and clings to me when we meet, I find it uncomfortable.

purpleme12 · 19/07/2020 16:12

@OneForMeToo your post reads like the people who like hugs are saying everyone should be like them when no one's ever said this

AGoodYearfortheRoses · 19/07/2020 16:12

Massive lack of empathy and understanding from a lot of people including the OP but it’s hardly surprising when single people have pretty much been forgotten in this. Living with a lack of human contact is almost unbearable and against human nature but all we hear about is grandparents not being able to hug grandchildren and whinging from people who are surrounded by their families and have been all through.

dodgeballchamp · 19/07/2020 17:05

I agree WanderingMilly. I am lucky in that I’m good friends with my neighbours and we go on frequent walks, and I’ve got other friends I can meet up with outdoors - so compared to someone without friends or family yes, I am privileged. But I’m single and live alone and I don’t want to be pitied. I haven’t found it “brutal”. Being single wasn’t even my choice - I was dumped at the start of lockdown which was obviously upsetting but I don’t NEED a partner. I’m perfectly happy being self sufficient and the thought of being so dependent on someone that I’m unable to cope alone is terrifying and unhealthy imo. I have had human contact in the form of seeing people outdoors and forming a bubble with the neighbour and the fact we can’t hug hasn’t even crossed my mind.

purpleme12 · 19/07/2020 17:09

Some of the posts are so strange. I don't want or need to be pitied either however I know it's not about that..I know that all this is about is thinking how someone else might be feeling and having empathy. As simple as that. Completely different to pity lol

dodgeballchamp · 19/07/2020 17:11

The widespread narrative in the media is that single people who live alone are having a universally terrible time. Yes I appreciate this is true for SOME people but it seems to be taboo to say that you actually don’t mind it!

DoubleDeckerBusRideLover · 19/07/2020 17:12

I have personally found not being able to hug mostly fine, as I have my family at home so can hug them.

But when my friend told me her mum has a month to live and we didn't hug that felt terrible.

Genua · 19/07/2020 17:16

I am another who sees a minor positive side effect of social distancing in not being required to hug people on greeting them. But equally I can see how hard it is for others to follow guidance that says they shouldn’t hug their loved ones. I had a baby during lockdown and it was very hard for close relatives not to cuddle the baby (in fact a few have done so since). Other than feeling sad about it for their sake, it was “easy” for me, because as the mother no one was barring me from cuddling the baby!

psychomath · 19/07/2020 17:38

But I’m single and live alone and I don’t want to be pitied. I haven’t found it “brutal”.

I also live alone and haven't found it that bad, barring a few blips in the first month or two. But I don't think it's particularly unusual if people have struggled with having zero physical contact, or even face-to-face conversation for the first couple of months, and I certainly don't 'pity' them or feel superior. Your need to distance yourself from other single people who've been experiencing perfectly normal emotions is frankly a bit weird!

Spodge · 19/07/2020 17:50

I don't mind no hugging. I have a large personal space zone. That said, I would FAR rather someone greet me with a hug than the mwah mwah kisses. From a Covid point of view I don't actually see why hugging is all that dangerous. Provided each party holds their breath on entry and exit, by the time you are standing ear to ear, facing away from each other, with hands touching each other's backs, how exactly are you going to pick up Covid any more than you would if passing someone in the supermarket?

Drivingdownthe101 · 19/07/2020 17:51

I’m perfectly happy being self sufficient and the thought of being so dependent on someone that I’m unable to cope alone is terrifying and unhealthy imo

So is my mum. She has lived alone since her divorce from my dad, 20 years ago. She even lived alone on a canal boat for 3 years.
She found having no physical contact with anyone, including her grandkids, really really hard. That’s not ‘terrifying’ or ‘unhealthy’.

Drivingdownthe101 · 19/07/2020 18:08

Maybe it’s harder when you’ve been alone for 20 years and it’s no longer a novelty?
Equally a close friend of mine who lives alone’s mum was diagnosed with breast cancer a week before lockdown. He found being on his own tough too.

okiedokieme · 19/07/2020 18:38

I hugged my mum. We used science to think it through, aka washed hands afterwards! Coronavirus doesn't go through skin

MilerVino · 19/07/2020 18:40

I can't see what all the fuss is about to be honest, especially now we can see friends and family again, we just need to be outdoors/distanced etc. No need to hug, it can wait, hugging isn't the be-all and end-all in life at all.

OK, help me out here. I do not like being hugged, except by my partner. Where he is concerned I am a bit of a hug monster, but it's OK, he likes this. Anyone else? No, yuck, go away. The lack of hugging people has for me been a plus side of lockdown.

However, I am able to see that other people have different requirements. I don't view this as bad, or as a failing on their part. We're a social species, we have evolved in groups, physical contact is a pretty normal part of that. For those of you who hate hugs and think others should do likewise, can you not just leave them to it? Provided they're not trying to hug you, what is the problem? It's important to them and they need it, so leave them to it.

dodgeballchamp · 19/07/2020 18:42

I’m not saying I want to distance myself from other single people who feel differently, I want to distance myself from the NARRATIVE that ALL single people are having a terrible time. There’s a difference.

stitchmaker85 · 19/07/2020 18:47

YANBU OP.

I don't come from a family that hugs, even when I was younger I don't remember my parents hugging me, and hate it when people insist on hugging me hello and goodbye, even pre-Covid.

My DHs family are insistent on it and it just makes me dread seeing them.
I hug my DH and DD(7) but those are the only people I will actively try to hug.
I just enjoy my own personal space and there's nothing wrong with that.

DisobedientHamster · 19/07/2020 18:47

However, I am able to see that other people have different requirements. I don't view this as bad, or as a failing on their part. We're a social species, we have evolved in groups, physical contact is a pretty normal part of that. For those of you who hate hugs and think others should do likewise, can you not just leave them to it? Provided they're not trying to hug you, what is the problem? It's important to them and they need it, so leave them to it.

I agree. EVERY single one of these 'I just don't understand' threads boils down to be hard of thinking and so of the opinion that their way is the way, anyone else who differs or is different is wrong.

Tedious AF.

YeahWhatevver · 19/07/2020 18:49

I actually really don't like hugging anyone except DH & DCs.

Makes me feel really awkward and uncomfortable. Haven't hugged another person apart from above in 20+ years