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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that not hugging isn't that big a deal.

171 replies

TennisButterfly · 19/07/2020 09:48

I keep reading on here that people are desperate to hug their parents other family.

I don't get it.

I just don't think not hugging is that big a deal, you can now visit family and friends. You can sit on the settee and have a cuppa, this is honestly how my visits have always been.

Now don't get me wrong, I love a cuddle but only my DH and my children. I just don't feel the need to hug my mum.

For the vote:
YABU - don't be silly I must hug my parents
YANBU - just spending time together is enough.

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 19/07/2020 11:39

@Genua

That escalated quickly
😆
ComDummings · 19/07/2020 11:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Drivingdownthe101 · 19/07/2020 11:41

My mum lives on her own, by the time she was allowed in our bubble she hadn’t had any physical human contact for over three months. That might not bother some, but it really bothered her.
She was so happy to have a hug from her grandchildren. I haven’t hugged her as we don’t tend to hug each other, but physical contact from the grandchildren really lifted her mood.

LadyPrigsbottom · 19/07/2020 11:41

Holy fuck op Shock! That was particularly harsh of you. I've dished out the very occasional "ah go fuck yourself", in the heat of the moment, but was there really the need for fat, sad lonely etc? Yeesh.

Germolenequeen · 19/07/2020 11:42

I voted YABU because it's probably the thing I've missed most tbh but I can understand people not missing hugs if they aren't huggers.

I'm actually getting loads now I've returned to my job in Childcare - not from adults obv 😬

Perro · 19/07/2020 11:42

I hate hugging and have a bit of a 'touch taboo', so not hugging is great for me (I cringe inwardly when I meet with friends who insist on hugging me and have been known to employ tactics to avoid it, such as jumping into my car to avoid the 'goodbye hug').

THiS ^ (YANBU)

Lockdownlooks · 19/07/2020 11:42

I haven’t been alone but normally live alone and may need to go back to that for work quite soon.

It isn’t just not sure hugging, I don’t hug people apart from close family. It’s lack of any physical contact - tiny things touching a friend on the shoulder if you know they are upset, someone handing you change, passing someone in the aisle on a bus, sitting next to someone on a train even if you don’t talk at all.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 19/07/2020 11:43

I don't get it either but then I hate people being in my personal space. I'm not a very affectionate person with people other than my children, the children I look after and dp.

witchofthenorth · 19/07/2020 11:46

I'm a hugger and I miss it. And yes I have my DP and kids here but I do miss hugging.

@madcatladyforever , I'll come by and give you a massive bear hug no problem ☺️

Germolenequeen · 19/07/2020 11:46

I reported that nasty abusive post by OP - totally uncalled for 🤨

ilovesooty · 19/07/2020 11:47

You didn't like being identified as crass, insensitive and rude but it's exactly what you are.

Spectacularly immature flounce though. I doubt you'll leave. I suspect you'll namechange and carry on.

ilovesooty · 19/07/2020 11:48

I have replied graciously

GrinGrin

HeronLanyon · 19/07/2020 11:49

Saw a friend who was diagnosed with cancer a few months ago. Saw for first time since February due to Lockdown then shielding etc - highly shielded visit in front garden. The urge to hug was absolutely massive for us both. I am not a big hugger irl.

SpnBaby1967 · 19/07/2020 12:08

I dont hug my parents, sisters etc. We're not that kind of family. But I do hug my mates, and my own DH/kids.

I miss hugging my mates Sad

jessstan2 · 19/07/2020 12:10

Of course you're not unreasonable and, let's face it, it won't be forever. It has only been four months too, a short period out of a lifetime. It's worth putting up with a few restrictions to keep people safe.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 19/07/2020 12:53

I am a massive hugger and prior to this I couldn't imagine not surviving going months without one. However, I think it's a bit like sex, in that over time you get used to not having it, then not needing it.
Your life maybe shorter as a result though 🤷‍♀️.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 19/07/2020 12:54

I messed up my post there, take out the extra not

MilerVino · 19/07/2020 12:55

Perhaps the OP is right now learning to appreciate the value of a hug. I mean I expect she needs one.

MimiLaRue · 19/07/2020 12:56

Lol I love posters who are like ‘I don’t know why people are so desperate to see their parents/friends/siblings’ and then casually drop in that they have a husband and kids so actually have no idea what it’s been like to be on your own in this situation and not being ‘allowed’ to hug other people

I agree. Really OP? are you really THAT dense that you cannot imagine why this might be hard for some people? Sounds like you lack empathy and an ability to put yourself into other people's shoes. Thats a pretty vital skill for adulthood you know....

HaudMaDug · 19/07/2020 12:58

Other than my dog I haven't had a hug since 2012!
I don't mind really as I'm just not a touchy feely person but would be comforting to at least know someone cared for me.Sad

dodgeballchamp · 19/07/2020 13:06

YANBU. I live alone (apart from my 2 dogs) and don’t feel any need to hug or be hugged/touched. I’ve been seeing friends outdoors and that’s enough. I’m not big on physical contact unless it’s someone I’m dating (I’m single as well). I don’t really get all the whinging from people who live alone - didn’t we choose to live alone because we like it? I did!

Crosswithlifeatm · 19/07/2020 13:07

If I could see my mum regularly then I would be ok.
However I live a 4-5 hour drive away and she had been sheilding(82 with COPD).I just had 2 weeks annual leave and isolated for 10 days to go and stay with her for a couple of days at the end.Lots of hugging which my mum had missed,she is on her own and I have my DD.
I have no more annual leave until November when I think we will have a second wave and feel that these few days may be the last time I will see her.

feelingfragile · 19/07/2020 13:09

I'm a hugger. My husband lost the use of one of his arms for a few years and hasn't completely recovered. The lack of hugs has been the hardest thing.

My brothers wife had MND and couldn't hug him, broke his heart.

Not being able to hug friends and family is so difficult, I really feel for those who missing hugs.

purpleme12 · 19/07/2020 13:11

@dodgeballchamp

YANBU. I live alone (apart from my 2 dogs) and don’t feel any need to hug or be hugged/touched. I’ve been seeing friends outdoors and that’s enough. I’m not big on physical contact unless it’s someone I’m dating (I’m single as well). I don’t really get all the whinging from people who live alone - didn’t we choose to live alone because we like it? I did!
Choosing to living alone is very different to the life at the moment where many people haven't seen their friends/people they're close to at all and are working at home where they may also have people they're close to to hug So it's not really comparable is it
sixthtimelucky · 19/07/2020 13:18

TennisButterfly

Bloody hell some posters have been so rude to you! I'm not a hugger and I'm bloody relieved I don't have to be touched by colleagues, friends and family anymore. There again I'm a bastard smug married so I'm not allowed to have an opinion. And yes of course I understand that everyone is different and many people have been isolated and desperately want human touch. I know I wouldn't want a hug even if I lived on a desert island for 42 years.