To think we can totally turn around our family life?

[Ihaveanidea5]

Has anyone done something like this? Is it too late for us? DC aged between preschool to late primary.

Lockdown has made me realise that I've let a lot of my children's childhood just fritter away.

When we had DC1 we were pretty skint and rarely had the money to do anything or go anywhere. Even when things improved financially we never got into the habit of it, and then my mental health got bad. But it's still our fault and we should have done better

I come from a family who absolutely hated being outside, their favourite thing to do was to watch telly or to talk about telly. I always told myself I'd do better than that, but I can see now I haven't. Lockdown changed nothing for us except DH and I were wfh. But apart from that we just slobbed about the house watching TV. The DC watch far too much TV and are hooked on screens. Their diet isn't great. Apart from the occasional time with school, they have never been to the cinema or the museum or the soft play near us. We just don't do things like that - I always had plans for when we had more money and my MH improved but it never happened.

When lockdown started, there were all these pictures on social media of school mums taking their kids out on family bike rides in the local forest park, and I felt so bad because I've never taken them there either and none of us have bikes. We have a good sized garden but there was little in it too - families were playing badminton in their gardens, why can't we do that with ours? I don't know what I've been doing or thinking all these years, I've really let them down. Their lives are so narrow.

Over the last few weeks, I've been talking about this with DH and we've been trying to make changes. TV off, outside more. The kids have been very resistant but once they're out they've been enjoying themselves more. I've also realised I do actually like being outside, it's refreshing and I've barely had any of the chronic headaches that I get frequently.

I'd love to get bikes, and one of those bike racks you attach to the car, take the kids to the forest park and go for big cycle rides. I want us all to be healthier, more energetic, more excited about life, to do a bigger variety of things and to give the kids more opportunities. I feel like we're a default "no" family, as silly as that sounds - no we won't do that or go there, we'll just stay in. I know I shouldn't compare but I see these other families going for hikes, or camping, or paddle boarding lessons like it's nothing. Obviously if you live miles from the sea it's a bit trickier to do stuff like that, but we actually do live in a coastal area that's popular with people into outdoor pursuits and we're not too far from a city which has an OK cultural scene - I've seen kid's theatre stuff advertised, but for some reason it's never occurred to me to take the kids

Have I left it too late? I know I sound stupid, this has all been on my doorstep, but I think a combination of poor MH, money worries and being raised to think certain things "aren't for the likes of us" has held me and DH back. Now we're inflicting it on our kids. My eldest wants to be a YouTuber ffs.

I'm so worried my kids will look back and all they'll remember about their childhood is trips to the supermarket and watching telly because that's basically all we have done for the last decade. It's awful. I'm so ashamed

Never to late
A lot of what is posted on line is not the reality behind closed doors
Good luck

Kids don't mind a simple life with lots of love, but it is great you want to build on this strong foundation to broaden their horizons.

The best time to plant a tree is years ago but if you can't do that then the best time is now. Go and have fun with your kids!

If you are heading to the beach , a spot of rock balancing is good.

It’s not a bad idea but wondered about the social media side of things. Just because you see it on social media #makingmemories and all that crap doesn’t mean it’s true. Yes they might have taken a picture when they went for a bike ride but sat in front of the telly the rest of the time. Maybe they even went on a bike ride just to take a picture! My response to feeling lockdown inadequacy was to delete instagram rather than torture myself with feeling inadequate for something that wasn’t even true. Of course it’s a great idea to go on bike rides, walks etc but don’t kid yourself that “everyone else is going paddle boarding and we are massive losers” because that’s just not right.

I hope you have a lovely day at the beach and please update us all on how it went.

Love your update. So great to see you and your DH tackling this as a team. Please come back and let us know how your trips go

Go for it OP. Never too late! Echo other people. Start small. Don't expect miracles. Yes they will moan at times. Maybe try half hour walk in wood or up a big hill. Geocaching is great idea as is short races up hills. Bikes also great but it's a faff getting them so start with stuff that you can just do and free. National Trust is good value and often has stuff for kids. Beach also awesome. We're going to get body boards so kids can faff about in water as well as sand. I think the key is doing things that you get enjoyment from. I always think there are a few places that have that magic element that means great for kids and adults. So a play area with a cafe and decent coffee or a walk with obstacles/interest for kids (rocks to scramble over etc) but amazing views for adults. Other things that are easy, free that mine enjoy are rock pooling, fossil hunting, crabbing, climbing trees, getting muddy, camping in garden, kite flying, picnic. Going with friends also helps prevent any moaning. Country Parks are. Often good as have a trail walk or pond/lake. Your council should list them. Woodland Trust and Wildlife Trust will also have nature reserves to explore

It’s not too late, and it’s in your power to keep making the positive changes you’ve already started on. Some people reading this thread clearly don’t understand how hard it can be to fight your own anxiety, but I do. You will feel so proud of yourself for doing these hard things. And as the former kid who always wanted to go out and do stuff but suffered because of my own mother’s depression, anxiety and agoraphobia, your children will be grateful too.

I don't think you've left it too late at all. The time that's done is done, ok. Looking to the future, they evidently like it when you take them out so you've not made them resistant to the whole concept. Which means you just keep doing what you're doing and they will benefit.

This is a great post OP, the responses have been (largely) so positive and is sounds as though you and DH are both on board with trying a different way of living.

I just want to add that when your mental health is suffering it can be so hard to get motivated, to plan, to even think properly. Seeing all the outdoorsy, sparklingly happy families on social media can cause you to feel like the worst parent in the world (but like a PP said, their post could be a snapshot out of a whole day of binge-watching YouTube ). Maybe those are the times your DH could have some time with the children while you do something for you? And vice-versa of course.

My DS is a homebody, like his dad, but I think we've found a good balance of indoor and outdoor activities. Enjoy your new adventures!

'let them find their own way of enjoying the place, don't try too hard to curate the fun, don't try to make it an educational field trip'

This x 10000000.

There's a very normative MC parenting culture in Britain (in other countries too, obviously) which sets quite narrow expectations for what's worthy and 'worth doing' and the way in which it should be done. I've found great value in variety - a range of experiences including the more pedestrian and less Insta-compatible type. Letting children follow their interests within the frame of a family 'adventure' can give rise to a much more profound engagement.

Letting children follow their interests within the frame of a family 'adventure' can give rise to a much more profound engagement.

We went to a historic site and DC spent a good 20min looking at moss and ants!

I spent ages with the kids the other day looking at ant eggs! The ants were carrying their eggs to safety after the side of their ant hill had been damaged. Not planned in any way. Some kids are in to work sheets and treasure hunts. Mine really aren’t. They just like going with with the flow.

My only advice is that if it's all going tits up and no one is enjoying it, just laugh it off and fuck off home for a brew.

Being "outdoorsy" on the regular means that you can try again next week and don't have to stress about milking every ounce of merit from each visit. If it's chucking it down, you're getting bitten by mozzies, you've got wet feet or the kids are being dicks.... That's home time!

Camping is really cheap, and so are second hand bikes. You’re going to have so much fun!

I joined the YHA when mine were small- you can carry on going away out of season, and most hostels are in great locations. Family rooms cost about £40 pn. Lots have both self catering facilities and restaurant type dining, so you can go cheaply, or give yourself a break from cooking. They’ll make up packed lunches too. Like campsites, there are usually other kids to play with. We’ve had some great times.

Pokemon Go is a great way to get children on a walk if there's nowhere particular to go one day

@BadlydoneHelen

Pokemon Go is a great way to get children on a walk if there's nowhere particular to go one day

That’s been our experience too. Obvs you need a bit of patience to keep stopping and starting while they catch the buggers, but that’s family life!

It will soon be blackberry season. As a kid, and again when I had my own kids, we'd go picking blackberries. They're everywhere, and you can pick loads for the freezer. The kids end up covered in purple juice after munching on them straight from the bushes!

Also look out for wild fruit trees. Around my area, I've found 3 different varieties of apple, and several different types of plum trees. Free fruit!

It sounds like you're in the ideal location for lots of outside activities. Rockpooling and beachcombing are great, I hope the weather's good for you today.

Lidl are doing garden toys at the moment.

My nan used to make tents in the garden using the washing line, bamboo canes, and sheets and blankets. At home, dad bought my brother and I, a cheap 2 man tent, and we would camp out in the garden.

Well done for recognising this, it's never too late. Hope you have a great day today.

I hope you got to the beach and had fun messing in the rock pools. If not there's always next weekend.

Today, we went for a walk in the local woods. After lunch the dcs played with a giant bubble kit for hours. It cost about £5 and they’ve loved it throughout lockdown.

@Ihaveanidea5 I had similar feelings to you when mine was younger, the “picture” of how our family life would be was abruptly interrupted by illness, overwork, family members needing support, professional development, retraining, redundancy, poverty, a boring list of problems. We just made the best of it, he’s had a mixture of us providing experiences and amazing experiences thanks to Scouts. Certainly have a picture in your head of how you would like things to be, but don’t expect the reality to reach that, and don’t try and live up to other people’s Social media posts. Just cos people post pictures of jolly family cycling trips, it doesn’t mean every family member was happy! Don’t put pressure on yourself for perfection

Don’t look back look forwards. When money and time are tight it can pile on top of you but you’ve got new motivation now and lots of ideas on this thread. I predict you and your DCs will have a lovely summer.

It is never to late to try these things and a lot of them are free , and if your daughter wants to be a you tuber get her to do a video dairy of what you have spent the day doing , so she would have to have a script or prompts to do it , then edit it which can be done on a mobile if she / you are unsure how to do it youtube it

Not too late, and it's all about balance. You can have TV time as well as outdoor time (trust me, my kids get plenty of TV as well as trips out!).

Here are some tips:

• ask on local FB groups where is good to take kids, there will often be hidden gems off the beaten track
• If you're by a beach I recommend a beach tent and buckets/spades and keep in a bag so you can just pop out when you want without a big faff.
• aim for even just 1 walk/trip a week, not too daunting
• book up some theatre tickets for the winter when it's harder to be outside
• Picnic! Any outdoor activity is easier when it revolves around food I find, especially with young kids!

Enjoy your new lifestyle OP, absolutely never too late to enjoy the world around you.

@Meatshake

My only advice is that if it's all going tits up and no one is enjoying it, just laugh it off and fuck off home for a brew.

Being "outdoorsy" on the regular means that you can try again next week and don't have to stress about milking every ounce of merit from each visit. If it's chucking it down, you're getting bitten by mozzies, you've got wet feet or the kids are being dicks.... That's home time!

Yep.

This in spades.

Im from a very active, Performance parenting, always doing something, middle class family. We did lots of very worthy route marches. Where it all had to be perfect. DH is from a working class TV Family. His summer holiday consisted of watching has nan play bingo, instead of watching her watch tv.

Between us, i think we have a balance. We do SOMETHING most weekends (weather permitting) be it a bike ride, walk, seaside etc. But don’t get,too hung up on it. And I’d say at least 50% of the time it wont go to plan. Someone’s shoes will hurt. They’ll get bitten or stung or be in a grump or forget a snack and be hangry.

Pack it in and go home ! There’s always another day.