To think we can totally turn around our family life?

[Ihaveanidea5]

Has anyone done something like this? Is it too late for us? DC aged between preschool to late primary.

Lockdown has made me realise that I've let a lot of my children's childhood just fritter away.

When we had DC1 we were pretty skint and rarely had the money to do anything or go anywhere. Even when things improved financially we never got into the habit of it, and then my mental health got bad. But it's still our fault and we should have done better

I come from a family who absolutely hated being outside, their favourite thing to do was to watch telly or to talk about telly. I always told myself I'd do better than that, but I can see now I haven't. Lockdown changed nothing for us except DH and I were wfh. But apart from that we just slobbed about the house watching TV. The DC watch far too much TV and are hooked on screens. Their diet isn't great. Apart from the occasional time with school, they have never been to the cinema or the museum or the soft play near us. We just don't do things like that - I always had plans for when we had more money and my MH improved but it never happened.

When lockdown started, there were all these pictures on social media of school mums taking their kids out on family bike rides in the local forest park, and I felt so bad because I've never taken them there either and none of us have bikes. We have a good sized garden but there was little in it too - families were playing badminton in their gardens, why can't we do that with ours? I don't know what I've been doing or thinking all these years, I've really let them down. Their lives are so narrow.

Over the last few weeks, I've been talking about this with DH and we've been trying to make changes. TV off, outside more. The kids have been very resistant but once they're out they've been enjoying themselves more. I've also realised I do actually like being outside, it's refreshing and I've barely had any of the chronic headaches that I get frequently.

I'd love to get bikes, and one of those bike racks you attach to the car, take the kids to the forest park and go for big cycle rides. I want us all to be healthier, more energetic, more excited about life, to do a bigger variety of things and to give the kids more opportunities. I feel like we're a default "no" family, as silly as that sounds - no we won't do that or go there, we'll just stay in. I know I shouldn't compare but I see these other families going for hikes, or camping, or paddle boarding lessons like it's nothing. Obviously if you live miles from the sea it's a bit trickier to do stuff like that, but we actually do live in a coastal area that's popular with people into outdoor pursuits and we're not too far from a city which has an OK cultural scene - I've seen kid's theatre stuff advertised, but for some reason it's never occurred to me to take the kids

Have I left it too late? I know I sound stupid, this has all been on my doorstep, but I think a combination of poor MH, money worries and being raised to think certain things "aren't for the likes of us" has held me and DH back. Now we're inflicting it on our kids. My eldest wants to be a YouTuber ffs.

I'm so worried my kids will look back and all they'll remember about their childhood is trips to the supermarket and watching telly because that's basically all we have done for the last decade. It's awful. I'm so ashamed

Over the past month we’ve all bought new to us bikes for adults and a seat for 3yo on our bikes as only dd1 had a bike. We go biking a lot just to different villages for picnics! We’re getting a kayak too which will open up a lot of things. We’re thinking about camping equipment but I’m not really the camping type although the kids would love it!

My mum once said to me ‘you can’t go out and do things all the time, life is boring and kids need time at home as well’...

I think there’s some truth in that - yes we can’t all be out all the time but I just remember fighting with that in my head for ages. I’ve always loved taking the kids out - I don’t know about anyone else but I find it easier than being in with them quite often! We have a pattern with our youngest that he watches a little tv when he wakes and a little before bed (probs no more than an hour or so each day) so then I have to find stuff for us to do! Once they get to a teenager like my eldest then they are a bit more of a law unto themselves and like to hide away a bit!

Just start with anything as others have said. If it goes horribly wrong then try something else. You’ll find your groove - it’s great that you’ve noticed a habit forming and want to make a change :)

The national Trust do a great book thats called 50 things to do before you are 11 and 3/4, which has great ideas in for being outdoors. The lists will also likely be on the Internet too. Don't be disheartened though. We are an outdoorsy family and my daughter can't remember alot of things she did as a young child, but she can from about age 6 and now she is 9 she still loves adventures. Good luck

Never too late to make changes OP.

My family growing up weren’t outdoorsy or sporty - we did do days out to National Trust type places / seaside etc but we were never the kind of family to go camping, do family bike rides etc and I have memories of watching lots of Coronation Street on TV as an older child/teen!

Now I’m married and have my own family. I’m an avid cyclist (road cycling and mountain biking), I ride horses, I ski, we camp, we spend most of our time in the garden in the summer months, we hike & swim.

Even my parents have made changes - my mum joined a gym in her 60s and my dad has taken up hiking in his 70s.

Never too late, good luck.

Thank you again for all the replies!

We made it to the beach today and had a great time - the DC were glued to the rock pools, found little shrimp things, crabs, and even a very small starfish minus a leg

There was a bit of grumpiness and whinging here and there over a few things, but to be honest it wasn't much more than it would be at home, and I just thought of all the posts telling me how it was normal and to be expected and I just rode it out

They brought some shells home with them, so although I was automatically tempted to turn the TV on and collapse a bit when we got home, I suggested that they go out and wash the shells in a bowl of soapy water, which they did. This took almost as long as the beach

All in all it went very well, I think we all enjoyed it and it was lovely to see how interested and curious they were. I really don't understand why we didn't do it sooner, I mentioned before that my MH was bad but I think it's only when I look back now that I realise I was almost a different person who didn't notice what was going on around her. Not that I'm making excuses, just can't believe how many obvious things we didn't bother doing for so long. But it's all going to change now, we're off to a good start I feel

Hi op I think it's great that you are changing things. I dont drive and we dont have loads of money. We usually get the metro to other places and would normally go to museums and large park areas but at the moment trying not to use public transport. We go out every day my little boy is outdoorsy so obviously that helps. I usually work on a list of what we want to do. We have done all these things in lockdown. We do bike rides , walks go to see the ducks , go to local country park, go to see rabbits in local wooded area, go to local rivers and play pooh sticks, look for tadpoles , go to the beach , rockpool, loook for mini beasts ,sometimes we just go to a field with a ball or frisky and play, we also got tennis rackets and use the local tennis courts.In the garden we are going to make a mini pond and a fairy garden in the holidays. We are also doing the summer reading challenge and a holiday scrapbook. We are members of the national trust and pay monthly we think it's great value as lots of things to do and most normally have kids a activities in the holidays. For the garden we have rounders, skittles, bat and ball ect and my husband made a mud kitchen out of old pallets hes going to see about making a den aswell. Good luck

oh that's so good to hear! I'm rooting for you OP.
An idea that sprung to mind is to get the kids to choose a stone and paint it. There is a big line of stones painted by kids near us, it's getting longer and longer. I love to see it every time I go for a walk. They can put them in the garden or leave them somewhere where people can see them.
I loved the post it note idea someone mentioned upthread. Something we used to do on walks was to nominate a 'walker of the day'. We would nominate the child who had walked without complaint or with the most enthusiasm and give a small treat. We also did this for tidying bedrooms , and it turned my DD into a super tidy organised person as a result. Once a week they would be asked to tidy their bedrooms and the person who did the best job got a small chocolate bar or extra pocket money.

As sleephead1 mentioned, we were also members of the NT and that saved our lives. Every week we went off to a stately home to walk around the gardens, and often had tea afterwards. It was a life saver.

No. Its never too late. There are lots of tips online for family activities on a budget. I am skint so am good at sniffing them out.
I suggest signing up for mailing list to parks, galleries etc near you so when they re open you will know and be able to plan things. Its really hard to change habits but it sounds like you both are on board so go for it!

@KatherineParr4 the competition to see who can moan the less/tidy their room the best is absolutely inspired!

100% its never too late to start new things!

It's great that youre wanting to change things up a bit...there are quite a few people I know who are like this with their kids and havent recognised the problem (especially when their kids play up they cant understand why!? - because they are bored!)

OP the importance thing is that you've realised and you are trying to make a change so well done you!

My DH was raised very much as you describe, he lives for the tv/consoles etc and would happily live inside permanently if allowed - I am not like that (although I do love films and will happily watch tv, just not 24/7!) and since having DC I have been adamant we will get out more and do more

He has looked at me like I was crazy when I’ve announced I’ve bought tickets for us all to go to the theatre (kids productions) or said I wanted to go to X Y + Z but he has just learned to go along with it tbh, I’m under no illusion that if left up to him DC would never experience these things and I find the idea heartbreaking

We are by no means a super active/sporty family but we are trying our best and trying to change our mindsets/DC’s upbringing so that it doesn’t mimic his - I think realistically that’s all you can do

Thats awesome OP, sounds like a fantastic day out! Love how you extended the fun with some shell washing too, going to try that with DD next time we go to the beach!

This is a great thread, thanks OP. So many of us trying to do the same about breaking away from screens.

Amazing OP!!! You have done amazingly well. Also have you thought about dc joining something like scouts/Girlguiding - a great cheap hobby (about 2/3 quid a session usually) it’s great For life skills and outdoorsy stuff and you can go along as a helper on trips if you fancied, and it’s one evening a week where you will know they’re experiencing some different stuff

Check out "family days tried and tested" on Facebook. She has some fab ideas.

When our two were primary school ages we were careful with money. We did lots of free stuff, going for walks, to the park, feeding the ducks, picnics. We live close to the sea and went to the beach in winter. We made big sandcastles and took toy cars and trucks. We had a massive bag in the car. We always took food and a flask of hot chocolate. We had a couple of cheap kites, bubble mix and chalk. We all have a bike now and 2 dogs but teenagers are even harder to get outside!

I often feel like this too OP, I don’t feel like I ever “play” with my kids and worry that they don’t now use their toys because of it. I think it’s never too late to try harder and I’m also going to try more. I used to take them out loads but since I became a single parent I find it tougher, their dad hardly used to come out with us but it’s more than I’m also doing so much else. I now worry about them looking back and not doing much in a long period of time. When they see dad it’s now on his days off and of course they can do fun things whereas I think they must feel a bit like what does mum do now? I am determined to do more

That’s fab op. Glad you all had a good time. It’s amazing what a difference it makes to kids (and adults)

Definitely not too late.
Something we like to do in the summer holidays is to see how many different parks we can visit over the 6 weeks. It makes for lots of different days out as we sometimes take picnics.
Also as DC are now older (8&6) they spend time researching on the internet new and different parks to visit and figuring out how far away they are.

That's such a heartwarming update! Good for you, @Ihaveanidea5

One of my first responses to lockdown was the thought that many families would reassess how they'd been living, their priorities and spending habits. I firmly believed that though hard, it would ultimately improve many lives.

People get stuck in ruts, let their fears and beliefs dictate what they do and how they do it. Get out of auto-pilot, experience the wonderful World around you and learn to value the freedom we have to do so. Connecting with nature is not only free for the most part, but fantastic for mental health and general well-being.

It's never too late all the time you're breathing, and your lightbulb moment could potentially save your children from their own mental health issues later on.

There's no point beating yourself up about what's done, but every reason to turn things around while your children are still young enough to want to do things with you, and learn another way, as well as things they could do if there was ever an extended power cut!

Enjoy the adventure!

A lot of things don’t always cost money museums are free take a packed lunch with you and make a day of it. Print a I spy list for a walk a see if the children can tick this off as you go . Walk along the river nearest to you lots of interesting things to look at there . See if you can find out any local history .

Fantastic you're trying to change and give your children a different life. Are you on Facebook ? There's a few pages of 'things to do with families'
in town near me.
Also , museums are usually free and have activities for children.
As you're in a coastal area do you go to the beach ? Collect shells ?
Zoos , theatres , library story time and bikes.
Good luck , let us know what you get up to.

Every end of August, as an incentive for the start of the new school year, as a family, we do 12 of 12. 12 things we want to do in the coming year. 1 per month. From Museums, to beach days to crafts on a rainy day. We have 1-2 cultural trip too. From Bletchley park to Belfast for the Titanic.
We do free simple stuff too. We made a potato print table cloth for the xmas eve table and we have visited most museums and parks in London.
Enjoy!