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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you press for a holiday ?

141 replies

studychick81 · 18/07/2020 10:55

I really love holidays abroad and would do two + plus a year if we could. We have the money for 2 a year when we save. DH isn't bothered by holidays at all, would happily do a Uk holiday and moans about every holiday we go on, although he does enjoy it when there. We have very different idea about how to spend our money, he would spend on day to day life, I would save to afford abroad holidays.

This year we were meant to be going to the USA on a big road trip as a family and then DH and I on a long weekend to a European country. Obviously with Covid these have been cancelled.

Instead we have had a week in the UK. I really want to do a cheap holiday to a European country at the end of August. We have the money from saving for the cancelled holidays. I have solely home schooled the dcs and had uni work all this time, they are at private school so the summer holiday is very long, I have missed out on two holidays, one of which was a holiday of a lifetime and to see a close family member. I want a break and a change of scenery.

DH doesn't want to as he's worried about work, he's self employed, only he works, and is responsible for sales so the pressure of x amount of £ each month revenue is on him. He wants to see if a couple of big jobs come off. He's worried about the effect of Covid on the business, although they have been ok, no-one furloughed. I think he's more worried about what the staff will think. I get that, so have found a villa which has high speed internet and said we could go out in the am and get back late afternoon and he could do his work then, there's a swimming pool at the villa so some days we could stay in and he could work whilst dc play in pool. He's saying that would be too hard as it's hot and he would want to be outside too not working. I think it's unfair for dc and us to miss out on a holiday because of this. I have some studying too so will probably work some evenings too.

He then said about Covid so I have found a villa we can drive to via the tunnel and can social distance from.

AIBU to push for this or should I leave it? I understand about work but we always have this problem as he's self employed and it's so frustrating. He never wants to go on holiday even when Covid or work isn't a problem.

Or should I just leave it and suck up the fact I have gone from 2 holidays to 0?

OP posts:
RuggerHug · 18/07/2020 11:04

Personally I think you're mad to consider it. Especially since he raised his concerns and you basically told him he could work around you having a holiday. I wouldn't.

Original poster
studychick81 · 18/07/2020 11:10

Why are we mad to consider it? We would drive and stay in a villa alone, would wear masks and social distance. Would only eat at places outside. I don't see how the risk is any higher than staying here.

OP posts:
GinDaddyRedux · 18/07/2020 11:11

we always have this problem as he's self employed and it's so frustrating.

only he works

You are more than welcome to change your home setup, and you go to work, and DH stays at home.

Then, as a wage slave salaried employee, you can clock in and out knowing that you get the same wage every month, while conveniently forgetting that you could be laid off at any time such is the job market.

GinDaddyRedux · 18/07/2020 11:13

and suck up the fact that I've gone from 2 holidays to 0

You'll be going from 2 holidays to 0 in perpetuity, forever if your DH doesn't pull off those big jobs and the business struggles.

Your perspective around what you've "lost" is fascinating.

LEELULUMPKIN · 18/07/2020 11:14

Go for it OP. I missed out on a trip to The Maldives for my 50th in March and have had to cancel our 3 week trip to the USA in September.

DH and I have just returned from a short break in Barcelona and we are currently looking to do exactly what you are now in September in place of our USA trip.

Weenurse · 18/07/2020 11:15

If he is the only earner, and he is concerned and stressed, I would do whatever is going to keep him less stressed.
Maybe a week away locally, I know you have already done that.

OwlinaTree · 18/07/2020 11:16

Bit of a tricky one as he is the only earner and if he says his work will suffer and affect his earnings you'll have to listen to him I suppose.

RedHelenB · 18/07/2020 11:17

Yabu. He's the sole earner and worried about work and his employees. Wait to go on holiday until you can all enjoy it.

Nicknacky · 18/07/2020 11:18

Don’t you want your husband to have a holiday where he can relax and not worry about work?

LockdownLump · 18/07/2020 11:21

Why don't you just go with the kids?

transformandriseup · 18/07/2020 11:24

I hate to say it but some people just have no intention of going abroad. I have friends who are much better off than my family but never go anywhere.

If your kids are older can you temp somewhere for a few weeks so he doesn't have to worry about the cash.

RuggerHug · 18/07/2020 11:24

Also you don't want to risk being somewhere other than home when lockdown could come back. Or getting sick/injured somewhere else. Just suck it up for this year.

strawberry2017 · 18/07/2020 11:25

He's right to be worried at the moment, nobody knows that's going to happen next with COVID and if your not working then he will feel extra pressure to keep the business sustainable in these unknown times.
You come across quite spoilt in your post.
I get that you want a holiday - who doesn't but I think at the moment he is the one with the right priorities and you need to respect that.

heartsonacake · 18/07/2020 11:27

YABU and selfish. Holidays are a luxury; his work is a necessity.

It’s very unfair to go on holiday and say “well you can just work while we have fun in the sun”, so then he has to sit there, stressed about work in an environment not suited to his work, watching you guys enjoy yourself.

No, I think you need to write holidays off until your DH is happy with the business being stable.

Charleyhorses · 18/07/2020 11:29

It sounds like your husband is telling you, as the sole earner, that he is worried about the financial future.
Listen to what he is telling you.

piscean10 · 18/07/2020 11:30

You live in some lala land and sound spoilt. If you are not working and your income solely depends on your dh business then suck it up and stop being so entitled. He has valid reasons for not wanting to go. And I think him trying not to cause upset to his staff is actually a good thing. So you cant go on your yearly amazing holiday Hmm.
As pp said, switch roles and maybe then see how it feels.

Chloemol · 18/07/2020 11:30

Stop being so selfish about what you want. Does it really matter that this year you don’t get a holiday abroad?

Your husband is worried about his work, there is the nightmare of Covid and your priority is a holiday?

Why don’t you give it a rest and just support what your husband wants this year instead of giving him extra pressure about you want a holiday

Thesheerrelief · 18/07/2020 11:30

DH doesn't want to as he's worried about work, he's self employed, only he works

Sounds like your DH is being sensible in the current climate. YABU

Charleyhorses · 18/07/2020 11:33

And my dh has been self employed 25 years. He is a different man when I am also earning in a salaried job (been a bit tricky due to reloaction). About to restart a job in the next few weeks earning enough to cover our basic earnings. In the good years my salary just overpaid the mortgage.

labyrinthloafer · 18/07/2020 11:36

@Charleyhorses

It sounds like your husband is telling you, as the sole earner, that he is worried about the financial future. Listen to what he is telling you.
I agree with this. This is a tough year and he has a lot of responsibility if he employs others.

With good luck it'll only be this year. Everyone needs a break from work but no-one actually needs a foreign holiday.

luckylavender · 18/07/2020 11:36

@studychick81 - I think we're in the middle of a pandemic which is far from over. It amuses & alarms me that people think a holiday is a 'right'. Your husband sounds under pressure & is being cautious understandably & I think you should respect that. No one knows which way this is going to go.

betteliefsen · 18/07/2020 11:36

I have missed out on two holidays, one of which was a holiday of a lifetime and to see a close family member. I want a break and a change of scenery.

It's not all about you though is it, it's about dh and DCs and about how your dh is stressed. Do you want to help or do you want to behave like a spoilt wife ?

PhilCornwall1 · 18/07/2020 11:37

Sounds like he has a wise head on in these uncertain times. There is no way I'd want to be spending on holidays at the moment.

crimsonlake · 18/07/2020 11:51

I am quite shocked at your entitled attitude. People are losing their lives, some are losing their jobs. You, it would appear are solely concerned with your lack of holiday this year, it sounds like you are having it hard, not.

PotteringAlong · 18/07/2020 11:53

I think your DH is completely sensible! He’s worried about business, the absolutely massive recession that’s looming and he’s the sole breadwinner and you’re whinging because the holidays are too long at home and you want to be in a villa?

Come on OP, give your head a wobble.

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