Would you press for a holiday ?

[studychick81]

I really love holidays abroad and would do two + plus a year if we could. We have the money for 2 a year when we save. DH isn't bothered by holidays at all, would happily do a Uk holiday and moans about every holiday we go on, although he does enjoy it when there. We have very different idea about how to spend our money, he would spend on day to day life, I would save to afford abroad holidays.

This year we were meant to be going to the USA on a big road trip as a family and then DH and I on a long weekend to a European country. Obviously with Covid these have been cancelled.

Instead we have had a week in the UK. I really want to do a cheap holiday to a European country at the end of August. We have the money from saving for the cancelled holidays. I have solely home schooled the dcs and had uni work all this time, they are at private school so the summer holiday is very long, I have missed out on two holidays, one of which was a holiday of a lifetime and to see a close family member. I want a break and a change of scenery.

DH doesn't want to as he's worried about work, he's self employed, only he works, and is responsible for sales so the pressure of x amount of £ each month revenue is on him. He wants to see if a couple of big jobs come off. He's worried about the effect of Covid on the business, although they have been ok, no-one furloughed. I think he's more worried about what the staff will think. I get that, so have found a villa which has high speed internet and said we could go out in the am and get back late afternoon and he could do his work then, there's a swimming pool at the villa so some days we could stay in and he could work whilst dc play in pool. He's saying that would be too hard as it's hot and he would want to be outside too not working. I think it's unfair for dc and us to miss out on a holiday because of this. I have some studying too so will probably work some evenings too.

He then said about Covid so I have found a villa we can drive to via the tunnel and can social distance from.

AIBU to push for this or should I leave it? I understand about work but we always have this problem as he's self employed and it's so frustrating. He never wants to go on holiday even when Covid or work isn't a problem.

Or should I just leave it and suck up the fact I have gone from 2 holidays to 0?

Why did you bother starting this thread, OP? You've clearly got your mind made up that you deserve a holiday abroad and that none of your DH's reasons for disagreeing are valid or other points of view worth listening to. So just LTB. You clearly don't need him or his money since you're so in demand you've managed to secure and start a new role in the space of three hours.

Can you not do something more local? We were going to be going to the States and Italy this year but we've given up on the idea and are going to stay in Cornwall for a week or two in August instead.

Yeah I'm not getting why you bothered either with this thread. You only want to listen to opinions that agree with you, something that your husband has sadly had to learn. It's your way or no way.

Why not just get his credit card, book and pay for the holiday and tell him he's going whether he likes it or not? Then out his collar and leash back on so he behaves and does as he's told.

Also, in this situation if my husband was very stressed about work I would definitely be trying to help make things easier for him not harder!

That’s brilliant about the job, all the more reason to put a holiday on hold too while you get settled in.

TimeWasted OP's DH has suggested a UK holiday but OP thinks he's being stingy.

How many jobs that pay enough for two holidays a year, private education for two DC and for one parent to not work/take time out to study but don't impact on family life do you think are actually out there?

This. His self-employment is clearly very successful. Getting an employee position will be a bigger shift than you seem to think, surely?

He's just admitted he would go on a Uk holiday so it can't be about time off.

He hasn't "admitted" it, that implies he's confessed some secret. He's just told you what he thinks.

You ignored my previous comment suggesting you might want to be a bit more gracious and take on board feedback that is almost unanimous in saying you sound entitled and are being unfair.

Those things may not even be true, but the way you come across paints you in that light and surely you're open to a bit of personal growth.

You say he's being unfair to focus on finances because you have savings. At the moment, savings should be kept safe because there's no telling what the economy is going to be like until the end of the year (and beyond) and he may not land those big clients, or his lazier business partner might make a fuck up... there are lots of variables out of his control but one of the ones in his control is to compromise by having a UK holiday this year. One year. The most stressful year in many people's lifetimes.

Whereas your concern is not having a second holiday, because you wanted two of them.

He sounds like a very patient and decent man.

I have not had a holiday since 2016, I work in dementia services and have worked all the way through the pandemic. You have no idea how much I need a holiday away from it all, it is not going to happen. I might start a thread about it....

The worry about getting stuck abroad or having to self-quarantine on return is very reasonable - he must be concerned with a business to run.

You won’t read this as it’s not your echo chamber but you are the sort of woman who gives wives a bad name! It’s all take from you and all give from him.

Why not leave and see how you get on when trying to pay school fees and for foreign holidays with no income and only CSA money from him - IF you have the kids more than 50% of the time! Your attitude stinks.

I think only people who are self employed or with someone self employed can understand what a rollercoaster it is

Yes, this is a problem noone else on MN has faced, none of them or their DH are self employed, you are the only person who understands......

I'm self employed. I currently have no work and was not eligible for any of the govt support schemes. And I won't be having a "holiday" this year (though as I'm not actually doing anything it doesn't seem like I need one!).

But no, noone else could possibly understand how hard life is if you don't get a minimum of two foreign holidays a year!

I think if you have been going on 2 holidays a year (that your DH didn't really want ) it wouldn't be the end of the world for me, for one year, in these tough circumstances, to just give it a miss this once.

If my DH didn’t work and then decided to tell me what my salary should be spent on, he’d be living elsewhere.

If you want luxuries, then earn them yourself. He’s very sensible to be worried about finances in this climate especially being self employed and with large financial commitments that he alone is responsible for.

I think people are being kinda mean. But if you don't earn your own money then I think you've kinda got to lump it.

All I read in the OP is me! me! me!

I am only reading the constructive posts btw, so insults and accusations won't be read anyway. I am none of those things I am being accused of.

Of course they will be read and you should take good note of what they say. We usually learn more from those who disagree with us; how else does one grow?

It's one year OP, catch yourself on.

Just accept it and move on.

@studychick81

DH has just said that we could have another holiday in the UK though, he doesn't want to pay for a holiday abroad. So it's not actually about with if he can have a week off after all. We have the money saved up so it doesn't matter. We are actually saving loads compared to what the other holidays would have cost.

I am only reading the constructive posts btw, so insults and accusations won't be read anyway. I am none of those things I am being accused of.

In other words you are only reading posts that say what you want. You have the chance of a uk holiday which is more than many people so just be grateful for what you have instead of complaining about what you temporarily can't have.

My husband is also self employed, there's been a few years where I've had to take the kids away by myself as he's been unable to get away, I felt more sorry for him than us in those situations, it's no big deal to take the kids away on your own one time if you are desperate for a holiday and it will take the stress off him to go away if he's said he needs to work/worried about employees etc.

@studychick81

DH has just said that we could have another holiday in the UK though, he doesn't want to pay for a holiday abroad. So it's not actually about with if he can have a week off after all. We have the money saved up so it doesn't matter. We are actually saving loads compared to what the other holidays would have cost.

I am only reading the constructive posts btw, so insults and accusations won't be read anyway. I am none of those things I am being accused of.

You like holidays abroad, he likes them in the UK. In non-covid times, when you have 2 holidays a year, do you compromise on that?

This year everyone has to make sacrifices. YABU.

I dont get it - because he is the one making the money, is gets to decide? You are all saying op has to let THE MAN deside, because he is working?

How is that equal or a team?

She wants a vacation. They Can Afford it. Why is he the boss?

No, they're saying she doesn't get to guilt/bully him into something frivolous that will could affect their income because he obviously knows better than her how business is and could go in the next while.

Imagine in a few months an AIBU saying 'DH agreed that we should spend a chunk of our savings on a holiday but now his income has taken a serious hit, his work is perilous and I'm not earning. AIBU in thinking he should have let me know before we spent money on something not essential that we could be scraping by soon afterwards? Now we might have to pull our children out of their school and my studies are on hold'.

Bloody hell I had paragraphs there when I hit post.

@tvsnacks

I dont get it - because he is the one making the money, is gets to decide? You are all saying op has to let THE MAN deside, because he is working?

How is that equal or a team?

She wants a vacation. They Can Afford it. Why is he the boss?

It sounds like she has been the “boss” for many years by your logic and she gets the holiday she wants every year even though he doesn’t want to.

It doesn’t sound equal at all for him to do all the working and her to do all the spending. Poor man. He’s her slave.

@catspyjamas123
It reads that way to me too. Seems to have very little respect of DH's opinion/concerns yet he's the one at the sharp end. "We'll get along fine so long as do you as you are told" is the phrase that springs to mind