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Original poster

Do you love your children more than your husband/partner?

491 replies

sage46 · 17/07/2020 20:00

I remember a conversation I had with my mother when I was about 12 or 13 and asking her whether she loved me and my sister more than she loved our Dad. I also remember being shocked when she said that she loved us very much but that she loved our Dad more. I find myself (more than 40 years later) thinking about this and am interested in other women's feelings on this. For myself I think losing my husband would feel like losing a limb , but losing my Ds would be like losing my heart.

OP posts:
OutComeTheWolves · 17/07/2020 22:28

Absolutely. 100%

Before I had kids. I used to hate it when people said they hadn't felt real love until they had their children. But now that's completely how I feel although I wouldn't say it out loud and certainly not to dh or any of my child-free friends.

I obviously do love dh but it's not unconditional and there's things I wouldn't do to keep him happy and keep him alive. I quite a selfish person by nature and I've always found it hard to put him first even though I do (sometimes) do it. The love I feel for my kids is completely unconditional I know I'd run into a burning building for them if they ever needed rescuing and I constantly do without things if it's for their benefit without giving it a second thought. My absolute worst nightmares are my children dying, my children really suffering or some sort of scenario where I never got to see them again.

I do however worry that parenthood is like a long journey towards falling out of love with your kids and by the time they're an adult that strength of feeling has gone.

Thornhill58 · 17/07/2020 22:33

It's like apples and oranges. You can love both intensely but in a very different way.

Stompythedinosaur · 17/07/2020 22:47

I love my dc the most. I love to very much, but in reality I would leave him behind to take the dc out of danger should I ever be in that situation. He would do the same.

I struggle to understand parents who don't love their dc the most.

OutComeTheWolves · 17/07/2020 22:49

I'd love to see some male replies to this. I don't know why but I often wonder if what I feel for my kids is maternal love or parental love and if dads feel that same strength of love.

Emeraldshamrock · 17/07/2020 22:50

Yes we both know the love for the DC is different almost unconditional.

Eaumyword · 17/07/2020 23:07

I love DS with all my heart. My DH has a small portion of my heart but a lot has happened over many, many years to erode true love Sad
To the pp who asked if dads feel the same way, I know DH doesn't like our son much of the time and he is a normal, lovely, kind kid. He has never shown paternal care or interest in developing a relationship with him right from birth. Good job he has me! Tragic really.

LockdownLemon · 17/07/2020 23:10

My children are like oxygen - they are essential to my life. Loving them isn't a choice, it's there in every breath I take.
I love my DH too - but if he left me tomorrow, I would survive. And the same for him.

Pesimistic · 17/07/2020 23:15

I love my kids more than my OH, I'd get my kids to safety before my husband I think that says it all realy.

MsTSwift · 17/07/2020 23:18

What’s that saying - men love women women love children children love hamsters - sounds about right

sunrainwind · 17/07/2020 23:21

I don't love either more than the other. I put my children's needs first and I'd protect them above all others - that's our job as parents but I chose my husband and he is wonderful. I adore them all.

CRP16 · 17/07/2020 23:25

A lot of the time I don’t actually like my children very much but I absolutely love them and would die for them. I have never had a partner I would die for.

LaureBerthaud · 17/07/2020 23:27

I love DH and DD equally. It's not a competition.

Purpletigers · 17/07/2020 23:28

My children . My mum loved/ loves my dad more .

LaureBerthaud · 17/07/2020 23:30

My children are like oxygen - they are essential to my life. Loving them isn't a choice, it's there in every breath I take

Crikey @LockdownLemon - that's a bit intense. How old are your DC?

Osirus · 17/07/2020 23:31

100% I love my child more.

I asked my husband this once. I had told him my answer, and he said the opposite. I know other men who say the same. Maybe a mother’s love IS far more intense when it comes to their children.

Bateshotel · 17/07/2020 23:31

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Yoir · 17/07/2020 23:32

@OutComeTheWolves

I would kill for my children if it came down to it. I would die for them if it came down to it. Wives are replaceable and I wouldn’t do either of the above for my wife.

SimonJT · 17/07/2020 23:38

God yes.

Its not something you can really describe is it, its a bit like the demon link in his dark materials. When hes hurt, upset, worried as a parent it’s emotionally painful. When he’s far away be it at school, with his grandma the seperation is emotionally painful at times and absolutely nothing compares to giving him a cuddle.

DanniArthur · 17/07/2020 23:39

I love my DD more and think that's the way it should be. I just asked DP who he loved more and he said DD but agreed that it is different kind of love he has for me. I'm his soulmate and DP is my rock and there is a part of my heart that will always my DP's alone.

Justgorgeous · 17/07/2020 23:40

Blood is thicker than water and I love my husband very much but my children come first. I’m sure he would say the same thing.

MRex · 17/07/2020 23:40

We both love DS more than everything else in the world put together, including each other. Those wondering about male responses - I can't remember when it came up, but someone asked, and DH said he'd be really suspicious and confused by anyone who was able to love someone more than their own child, because loving DS is so simple, so pure and so compelling that nothing stronger can exist. Something like that. He muttered about psychopaths too.

StillMedusa · 17/07/2020 23:59

My children 100%
I love my dh very much...been together 32 years now, but my love for my children (now all adults) is fierce in a way I can't describe.

My DS1 (26) went to Australia in february..just before lock down. He had waited a long time for a couple's visa to be with his fiancee (who lived with us for two years , we love her) He is happy. But the pain of his absense is awful. I miss him so much I have to deliberately not think about him. He's a musician and his fiancee videos his gigs for me now they are not on total lockdown. Seeing him so far away is lovely but makes me cry. That's mother love for me.

If I lost my dh I would be devastated but I would carry on. If I lost one of my children I think I would never really recover.

Dh is my rock. The DC are my soul.

FantasyPanda · 18/07/2020 00:05

I love my kids more than anything. They are my whole world.

copperoliver · 18/07/2020 00:06

I'd never love my husband not even half has much as my children they are my life.
One of my cousins always says though she loves her husband more he was there first and will still be there when they leave home and start new lives. X

fortheloveofcrisps · 18/07/2020 00:09

Yes