Do you love your children more than your husband/partner?

[sage46]

I remember a conversation I had with my mother when I was about 12 or 13 and asking her whether she loved me and my sister more than she loved our Dad. I also remember being shocked when she said that she loved us very much but that she loved our Dad more. I find myself (more than 40 years later) thinking about this and am interested in other women's feelings on this. For myself I think losing my husband would feel like losing a limb , but losing my Ds would be like losing my heart.

My parents told me the same; that they loved each other more than they loved me.

I love my husband with all my heart but I absolutely love my children more, in a completely different way.

I don't understand how people have favourites with children though. I love them both differently, but 100% equally and I seem to be in the minority with this.

My mum once asked my dad.....who do you love more.....my dad replied the kids......my mum said good me to......I feel exactly the same I love my kids more than anyone......(even after 17weeks of lockdown!)

DC definitely

I grew my child so no questions she wins out over DH. He is a close second though :)

Children- think that's totally normal. My husband feels the same way too which actually makes me very happy

My children. I love my partner more so so much but I could go on and survive perfectly fine without him. My kids, i could not be on this planet without them, if anything happened to them I'd rather die than live without them.

Tbh I’ve always put myself first before anyone, even before DH during those madly in love first years and I really resent putting myself out for people, even family.
It was a bit of a surprise having kids and having that very fierce protective love for them above anything and anyone else.

I wonder if it changes as you get older? All these people saying they could live without DH but not without DC? My DC are in their 30s and have left home, my DH is still with me after nearly 40 years. Losing him would have far more impact on my life

Well said.

I can't help but feel sorry for some of your DHs/DPs. Surely it is a different kind of love, but the way some of you are writing it is almost as though you chose a man to be the father of your children and then he is pushed back once they arrive.

What about the dog?

I remember asking my Dad. He said he loved my Mum, but that it's not comparible with the love you have for your children. I couldn't understand at the time. I do now.

I would lay down my life for any of my dc, but i wouldn't for my dh. He is a bit of an arse though, tbf.

Love my kids more.

My mum told me (during a normal conversation) that her love for my dad and their relationship was more important to her than her children. Nice.

Kids 100%!

I love my DH with all my heart. But if he died, I would manage to live on.

I love my DD with all my heart. But if she died I wouldn't want to live on.

Kids 👍

In a word, no

To be honest I think those saying they couldn’t live if their child died are naive. Unfortunately parents go on after a child’s death every day. They have to.

@Dyra

I love my DH with all my heart. But if he died, I would manage to live on.

I love my DD with all my heart. But if she died I wouldn't want to live on.

Exactly this. It's not a quantum of love it's a different kind of love.

I don't know about the future but even if my children were adults I believe I'd feel the same.

Losing DH will make life very hard but losing DC will make it not worth living at all.

Unfortunately DH has said he loves me more over DC. Maybe it's different for men?

True @museumum, but I think people mean that the idea of losing a child is unthinkable. I know parents who have sadly lost children and yes, they did have to carry on, as they had no choice.

Oh this is interesting.
I love my children more, in an overwhelming, unconditional way. My husband said he loves me more (I just asked him).
Growing up my parents loved me more and always put their own relationship and life second. My husbands parents always loved each other more and always prioritised their relationship above everything else, they would never have a ‘girls night’ or do hobbies without each other. They are grandparents now and still put their marriage first. They would never change their plans with each other to see their grandchildren even if they hadn’t seen them for a long time.
I am not saying that either way is wrong or better. It’s just different.

Kids more. And I really love my DH and my kids often really piss me off!
I think it's just a biological thing. Having said that I didnt instantly feel that way. I remember a few weeks into parenthood feeling that I still loved DH more. And then the next time it occurred to me it had switched.
I think your mum should have told a fib there OP! I'd tell all my family that I love them the same.

At this stage in my life, the DC, definitely.
My kids are my soul, I cant imagine what I would do if anything happened to them.

OP, my mother said exactly the same to me when I was a young teenager, that she loved DF more than me & my sibling. It hurt at the time, still does over 40 years later actually, and our relationship has definitely suffered because of it.

As for me, it's like many have already said. I love my DC unconditionally and my DH conditionally. The DC are grown up now but I still have the fierce love for them I've had since they were born and always will. I adore DH, he's my best friend, the person I want to be with more than anyone and I hope that lasts forever, but he has to keep being nice to me