Do you love your children more than your husband/partner?

[sage46]

I remember a conversation I had with my mother when I was about 12 or 13 and asking her whether she loved me and my sister more than she loved our Dad. I also remember being shocked when she said that she loved us very much but that she loved our Dad more. I find myself (more than 40 years later) thinking about this and am interested in other women's feelings on this. For myself I think losing my husband would feel like losing a limb , but losing my Ds would be like losing my heart.

I don't believe in the "different" love. There's a romantic element to relationships of course but true love is about humanity and caring. I used to be puzzled when I was younger and I saw "God is love" on those neon posters outside churches but I get it now. Leaving God out of the equation, love is about lifting people up and being there to catch them when they fall. The romance part is a biological side show.

Definitely kids

Absolutely my children more, my DH agrees and is the same.

My love for the dc is unconditional, there is no circumstance in which I would leave/ go nc with them.

Though I love DH a great deal, if he became abusive or a cheat I wouldn’t hesitate to leave.

Loving your DC more than your romantic relationship doesn't mean you will suddenly be empty and alone once they fly the nest. Nor does it mean that you will be an intrusive MIL.

My love for my DC is a one way street, it is nice to have something come back to me. But it is not required. I don't need my children to love me back, to spend every waking hour with me or reside in the same country as they grow up. I hope they grow and love their children as much as I love them. My love flows forward for my DC.

For DH, love is a two way street. It needs him to love me back for it to flourish.

*When they grow up, not as!

Thought about this for hours. No answer. Totally different feelings so like comparing chalk and cheese, ie there is no comparison.

If I had to save one from a burning building, it would be totally age dependent. Young children, obviously first. Once they’re all adult, dad is physically vulnerable, they’re not, so it would be him.

That’s nothing to do with depth of love though. Just practicality, so doesn’t answer the question, does it. Sorry 😁

Blimey, what a deep question.

Depends what day you ask me and who has peed me off the most

Definitely DS. If there was a choice of who was to live I would pick DS over DH and I would expect DH to do the same. If something happened to DH I would go on. If something happened to DS there would be no point. Maybe that's unfair to DH as if he's not enough for me, but that's how I feel.

Definitely DS. If there was a choice of who was to live I would pick DS over DH and I would expect DH to do the same. If something happened to DH I would go on. If something happened to DS there would be no point. Maybe that's unfair to DH as if he's not enough for me, but that's how I feel.

We both have young adults who don't live with us. We have discussed this and we love each other and our children equally but in different ways. As someone mentioned previously our children have left home but my fiance is my soul mate and best friend.

My kids are my biggest love. I could live without dp and move on and possibly meet someone someday but my kids are irreplaceable

Yes.

She's said the same 😂

My children first, then dogs.

My mother and father always advised us not to have children.

When I was about 30 she said she wished she had never had children and had a nice life with lots of holidays and houses etc -they are very wealthy so this shouldn't be a dream for them.
It broke my heart and still does. I won't forgive her for saying it. She means it too. She also says she loves us and wouldn't be without us but wouldn't want to do it again.
Sad.
I love mine and they are my extra limbs.

@ArriettyJones

I think it is very generational. The old way used to be “spouse first”.

That's interesting. I once (as a child) asked my father who he would save in a fire- my mother, or me and my sister. Without hesitation he replied that he would choose our mum. He was quite old fashioned in many ways, so perhaps it was more down to that than being completely disinterested in his children...

Some of you are so intense it's almost comical. Under what circumstances would you actually need to die or kill for your kids?

This. Also, those who couldn't "live" if they lost their DC. People lose DC every day due to accidents and illness, and some of those people could even be reading this thread. How do you think they would feel reading this melodramatic stuff?

Incidentally, the OP never asked who you would save in the event of a fire or a flood! That has less to do with who you love the most and more with who you could practically save in the situation and who would actually need the most help.

Yes, absolutely.

Ok so we all know that the majority of people love their children more than their spouses. That they would save them before their spouses etc . But those saying that they would kill themselves if their children died is hugely insensitive. People don’t realise how lucky they are. These things happen to so many parents but they have to go on. Do others just expect parents to kill themselves if their kids die? What if they have other kids they need to look after.

My aunt lost her son who was in his early thirties last year and they live abroad. She has to take care of her sick husband, my uncle. Her other son lives in the uk. I’m sure she would prefer her husband to have died than her child but the world doesn’t work like that. She never worked or continued her education even though she was clever. Was expected to marry young and have children. That’s all she knew. The death made me realise that although children give parents their purposes in life it shouldn’t be their main focus. You need to do something for yourself because you don’t know that one day your child or spouse might die and you will have to carry on without them.

I ‘interviewed’ my mum for a school project and was shocked when she said the best thing to happen to her was meeting my stepdad I still think about it sometimes but I don’t understand how it beat having children. I guess it explains why she’s spent thirty years with a miserable, fun sucking asshole?

@Hopefulhen

I ‘interviewed’ my mum for a school project and was shocked when she said the best thing to happen to her was meeting my stepdad I still think about it sometimes but I don’t understand how it beat having children. I guess it explains why she’s spent thirty years with a miserable, fun sucking asshole?

Hahaha do we have the same mum and stepdad???

It’s a different kind of love. My love for my daughter is completely unconditional, my love for my DH is not, as much as I adore him.

Me and DP love DS more than we love each other.

I love DP very much but life is about DS now. He’s literally a part of us both.

Even if a parent loves their partner more than their kids, they should never say it to the kids. It must be heartbreaking for a child to hear this from mum/dad. The fact that a parent wipes this in the face of their child speaks for itself.

Obviously my children. Dp is their step dad and I've always said to him.
Be prepared because my dc will always come first. If you cant handle that walk away now.
This thread reminds me of the parent trap when the twins have pushed cruella on the lake and she wakes up and demands their dad pick her or them?

I am curious about those who think their DH/partner is “replaceable”. I don’t have children but I don’t think of my DH in that way. He is a unique individual and so am I and therefore our relationship is unique. Yes if he died I might meet someone else as someone who lost a child might have another one. Neither would or could be a “replacement” for the one lost.