Do you ever think it is acceptable to smack a child?

[planetfedup]

Only asking (and no this isn't a thread about a thread, just a general observation) but there is another thread here and a woman hit her dog and is being berated on here. However, in the past I have seen people admitting to hitting their kids without half as much vitriol being spewed out. By the way, I don't believe in smacking in any way.

It’s bloody sad that some people have to have a law that tells them how hard they can strike their child.

Why do these people think it is in any way normal or acceptable to physically hurt someone they are supposed to love, nurture, defend and teach them how to become caring, reasonable, responsible adults??

@Sojo88 Why are you so desperate to justify physical abuse? I really don't understand it.
The definitions given clearly show that both hitting and smacking involving striking - that's the main point.
Whether or not it's intended as a punishment doesn't matter. Many domestic abusers describe hitting their wives/partners as giving them a smack, because they do view it as a punishment for some perceived slight. The intent doesn't matter as the outcome is the same either way.

dr I don’t really think people who lose their tempers easily have any place around children.

Dictionary definitions aside I genuinely don't see a difference between a smack and a hit. And I'm not being obtuse - I truly can't work out how someone's mind convinces itself that a smack is ok when a hit patently isn't, when they're exactly the same thing.

If someone smacked me across the face I'd say "you hit me" and I wouldn't be wrong. I could go to the police and tell them "X hit me" and they wouldn't query the semantics - they'd see the red mark and accept that I was hit. So smack really is another word for a hit, and those that smack somehow justify it because it's done to someone in the name of punishment.

What do you smackers and smacking apologists do when you have a child round for a playdate? Is it ok to hit those children? Or is it ok for another parent to hit your child?

Exactly @FudgeBrownie2019. People tie themselves into knots attempting to differentiate between the two, but they're the same.

A smack or slap is with an open hand or palm; a hit is closed fist.

The difference is in the damage you could potentially do. You could break a child’s jaw with a closed fist. A smack wouldn’t do lasting damage physically.

However smacking isn’t about brief physical pain, it’s about being aggressive.

I was never smacked but my DH was (as well as verbal threats) and basically lived his childhood in fear of recrimination. That's not right, children shouldn't be scared of their parents.

@PennyArcade

It’s bloody sad that some people have to have a law that tells them how hard they can strike their child.

Why do these people think it is in any way normal or acceptable to physically hurt someone they are supposed to love, nurture, defend and teach them how to become caring, reasonable, responsible adults??

But if used to be so common, obviously the tide needed to turn for it to become socially unacceptable for people to stop doing it. If that hadn't happened then many people here would still be using smacking as a punishment.

That's not right, children shouldn't be scared of their parents.

That's very true. And, as I said earlier, it's without doubt a major reason why we never felt able to tell my DM what other abuse was going on in the home.

Violence is never acceptable

I have never been smacked as a child...neither has my siblings!
I have never hit my children...I think if you've had to hit your child they know you've lost control!

I think, instead of alienating such parents, we should try to support them to be in better control, whilst refusing to endorse the hitting behaviour.
I agree and this is partly why I think "all hitting is evil" and "no hope as parents for those who hit" and "if you have anger ishoos you shouldn't be round children" is unhelpful. Nobody who gets angry will own up to any angry behaviour if they think that's the attitude.
If you are middle class, educated, and self aware you'll recognise that e.g. you shout too much when angry. And you'll do your mindfulness, you'll check off "yay a week without shouting", you'll get CBT.
But if you haven't got those self help resources you won't own up to anything so you won't get help.
And saying you "shouldn't be round children" or "hitting children is the end" is not helpful. Realistically we are not going to remove all children of anyone who smacks their child. But thinking it will be "on your record" means you'll never own up. We found out a TA made a safeguarding report for DS when they saw him and DH out one evening (he wanted to carry the takeaway, he tripped, DH shouted "Careful DS"). We laughed but if you think any little thing will be on a report, why would you own up?

The fact that many, many parents raise children to be good people without ever using corporal punishment means that anyone who does so is doing it without good reason.

So no, for me it's never acceptable.

And that's without even mentioning the whole absurdity of teaching children that physical violence is a good way to make people behave as you wish them to behave, etc.

It was once acceptable to hit your wife.
drspouse I don't agree with your view- and thankfully neither does the law in my country.
Why should be be trying to protect those who assault others. Giving them "support"- really?? Should we be supporting men who hit their wives?

Where I live if you hit a child or an adult you are comitting a crime and can be prosecuted.

Nope, raising your voice should be enough, not raising your fists.

Definitely No.

Unless those saying yes also believe it's ok on occasion to hit your wife? You know, just once or twice 'for correction'?

@speakout my point is, removing the children of anyone that hits or hurts their child in anger is impractical. Currently they just keep quiet and we do nothing. Better to support them to stop.

(So I'm curious in fact, are all children whose parents hit them removed permanently, and if so, where do they go? And what about anyone that raises their voice in anger? Or hurts them in another way? Do they get help or do they not see their children again?)

Never.

I would love it to be made illegal.

I have nothing but utter contempt for any bully that defends it.

Although I agree it’s not ideal to smack. I don’t buy the comparison of hitting another adult. Parent/child is a unique relationship and there’s lots of things we do to and with children we wouldn’t do to an adult. I wouldn’t put an adult on time out or send them to their room or take away their treats as alternative either.

I wouldn’t tell an adult where they can and can’t go make them go to school etc sure you get the idea

drspouse no one is suggesting removing parents or children.

Making assault illegal for all individuals sents out a message of zero tolerance.

It happened for women- it can happen for children too.

And this is one of the reasons why the behavior of children is getting progressively worse. I would also bring back the cane in school.

I would agree in certain circumstances, e.g. slapping a hand away from a hot oven.

It’s just too much of a grey area otherwise I think.