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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you ever think it is acceptable to smack a child?

308 replies

planetfedup · 17/07/2020 19:47

Only asking (and no this isn't a thread about a thread, just a general observation) but there is another thread here and a woman hit her dog and is being berated on here. However, in the past I have seen people admitting to hitting their kids without half as much vitriol being spewed out. By the way, I don't believe in smacking in any way.

OP posts:
speakout · 18/07/2020 22:00

What I am saying is that everyone can react inappropriately in extreme situations This is human and I don’t think this this is the same as or as damaging as using smacking/spanking/ threats as your usual parenting approach.

I don't agree. You think it is OK to sometimes lose it and become violent? I can assure you that is not how most people behave.

ShebaShimmyShake · 18/07/2020 22:02

@Rollingfog

What I am saying is that everyone can react inappropriately in extreme situations This is human and I don’t think this this is the same as or as damaging as using smacking/spanking/ threats as your usual parenting approach.
But do you think it's ok? Would you understand if your husband divorced you for hitting him because, in effect, "he drove you to it"?
Rollingfog · 18/07/2020 22:03

Well we will just have to agree to disagree then

ShebaShimmyShake · 18/07/2020 22:09

@Rollingfog

Well we will just have to agree to disagree then
Hard to know if I'm disagreeing with you if you won't answer the question. So you think you're capable of slapping your husband if he really pisses you off? I don't know you, so I won't argue that. But do you think that's ok? Do you think he'd be justified in divorcing a woman who hit him? And what would you want your children to do if their spouses hit them?
lukasiak · 18/07/2020 22:22

I slap hands.

I ask them to stop whatever they're doing whatever they're doing, then if they don't stop I count to three, then I tell them to put their hand out. It only works until 5 or 6 when they begin to realise they don't have to put their hand out because I tell them to, but until then it's golden. 90% of the time I don't get past two. People don't like it, but my children are well-behaved and safe, so I don't care.

PhilSwagielka · 18/07/2020 22:29

No. Shake them or grab them firmly and pull them away, but I'm not keen on the idea of hitting kids, especially if you use things like belts or spoons.

speakout · 18/07/2020 22:33

Shake them FFS!!

AIMD · 18/07/2020 22:40

@lukasiak

I slap hands.

I ask them to stop whatever they're doing whatever they're doing, then if they don't stop I count to three, then I tell them to put their hand out. It only works until 5 or 6 when they begin to realise they don't have to put their hand out because I tell them to, but until then it's golden. 90% of the time I don't get past two. People don't like it, but my children are well-behaved and safe, so I don't care.

Safe- apart from the parent who thinks it’s ok a hit a young child.
lukasiak · 18/07/2020 22:55

AIMD
They've yet to die from it. Unlike the child running into a busy road because their parent cannot control them.

bonbonours · 18/07/2020 22:58

I have three kids, aged 10, 12 and 14 and I can honestly say I have never come close to even thinking about hitting any of them. They are all well adjusted well behaved kids who have always been taught we never hurt another person.
Yes, kids can be deliberately naughty and absolutely infuriating but as a parent you can have control over them without using violence. If you hit them then you shouldn't be surprised if they grow up using violence to try to sort out any argument.

Porcupine....
Re the 3 year old with the seatbelt, I would have gone for a mixture of carrot and stick. A), we cannot drive anywhere until your seatbelt is on. I am not going to entertain or talk to you so it will get boring very quickly. B) if you keep your seatbelt on we can drive and when we arrive we will be able to have a treat/do your favourite thing C) if you make us late because I keep having to stop we won't have time to watch your favourite TV show/play your favourite game etc. Also a 3 year old is old enough to explain the rule, I love you and need you to be safe so we must always wear our seatbelts. And one more thing, distraction, I'd find a really fun game to play so the journey isn't boring, leading to wanting to mess about.. Eg Pick a colour and see if you see more cars that colour than me.

UndertheCedartree · 18/07/2020 23:03

@lukasiak - can you really not control your DC enough to stop them running in to a road except by hitting them? I've never laid a finger on mine and they've never been close to running into a road!

Irelate · 18/07/2020 23:03

@LochJessMonster

Controversial but I believe in smacking in certain circumstances. If you pick your moment correctly you should only have to do it once or twice.
Agree^
ShebaShimmyShake · 18/07/2020 23:08

@lukasiak

I slap hands.

I ask them to stop whatever they're doing whatever they're doing, then if they don't stop I count to three, then I tell them to put their hand out. It only works until 5 or 6 when they begin to realise they don't have to put their hand out because I tell them to, but until then it's golden. 90% of the time I don't get past two. People don't like it, but my children are well-behaved and safe, so I don't care.

I hate to burst your bubble (ok, I love bursting your bubble), but I get even better results without hitting. I also count to three, but I've never actually gotten past one. She doesn't even know what happens if I get to three (it would be a time out or appropriate consequence, eg if she doesn't stop using her toy badly, it will be taken away).

Now I appreciate that all kids are different, and don't all react the same way. I'm not saying I'm a perfect parent or that I always know what to do. But you seem to think there's some additional benefit in hitting your kids that no other method could get, and since I get better results without smacking, I feel bound to tell you what bollocks that is.

So now your kids no longer hold their hands out for you to hit them, what do you do instead? Presumably there is an alternative?

TotorosFurryBehind · 18/07/2020 23:08

No. Never.

lukasiak · 18/07/2020 23:13

ShebaShimmyShake

Why do I care if you get better results? I hate to burst bubble (Okay, I love bursting your bubble), but I don't engage in competitive parenting. Especially not with strangers online whose children could be reborn dolls for all I know. When I said I didn't care, it wasn't a challenge. I literally could not give a flying toota lo that people don't like it. It works for me.

Woodmarsh · 18/07/2020 23:16

Yes of course

lukasiak · 18/07/2020 23:17

[quote UndertheCedartree]@lukasiak - can you really not control your DC enough to stop them running in to a road except by hitting them? I've never laid a finger on mine and they've never been close to running into a road![/quote]
Don't know. It works, so never bothered trying anything else. If it ain't broken, don't fix it.

Khadernawazkhan · 18/07/2020 23:17

Yes - when the behaviour very occasionally becomes utterly unacceptable, wilfull and takes no account of multiple second chances and warnings.

Always limited and done with a no concern other than for the child's safety or best interest.

N4ish · 18/07/2020 23:23

What’s with all the children who apparently have to be hit to stop them running into the road! Why do people who hit their children seem to have so many problems with kids running into dangerous situations?

GhettoDefendant · 18/07/2020 23:42

If it ain't broken, don't fix it

Hitting kids is broken. But whatever. Nobody's gonna change your mind, which is why PPs who said it should be made illegal are correct.

ShebaShimmyShake · 18/07/2020 23:44

@lukasiak

ShebaShimmyShake

Why do I care if you get better results? I hate to burst bubble (Okay, I love bursting your bubble), but I don't engage in competitive parenting. Especially not with strangers online whose children could be reborn dolls for all I know. When I said I didn't care, it wasn't a challenge. I literally could not give a flying toota lo that people don't like it. It works for me.

Because you're saying your method of hitting is justified because it apparently results in well behaved kids. My way without hitting gets better results. So what's the benefit of hitting? What does it bring that a natural consequence doesn't?

And now your kids no longer co operate with being hit, what do you do? And why couldn't you do it sooner? Heck, if your kids will actually submit themselves to being hit because you tell them to, why don't they do whatever you told them to do before you hit them?

You can't come on to a thread about smacking, tell us how great your smacking is, and not expect a response!

lukasiak · 18/07/2020 23:46

@GhettoDefendant

If it ain't broken, don't fix it

Hitting kids is broken. But whatever. Nobody's gonna change your mind, which is why PPs who said it should be made illegal are correct.

Even it being made illegal wouldn't change my mind. The authorities don't have the resources to care about every slapped hand, which is precisely why it's not illegal.
ShebaShimmyShake · 18/07/2020 23:48

It works, so never bothered trying anything else.

Well maybe you should. You're reading this thread, so presumably you do realise there's a discussion to be had here. Hitting kids isn't working.

ShebaShimmyShake · 18/07/2020 23:50

Even it being made illegal wouldn't change my mind

You'd hit your kids even if it was illegal? And you think your system works? You literally can't conceive of any alternative?

But they no longer submit to being hit, you said. So you do need an alternative?

lukasiak · 18/07/2020 23:52

@ShebaShimmyShake

It works, so never bothered trying anything else.

Well maybe you should. You're reading this thread, so presumably you do realise there's a discussion to be had here. Hitting kids isn't working.

But it is working. I have beautiful, well-behaved, hard-working children to pay tribute to that.