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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If this was YOU on Wednesday, then I’m really sorry.

297 replies

flowergirl24 · 17/07/2020 12:58

Two days ago I was walking in a seaside town in Devon, with two dogs and two children. After a stressful time at work, we wanted to have a few days off. Our break turned pretty hellish with children not sleeping at all and lots going wrong. On this last day, my Labrador tried to attack another dog, knocked over my 2 year old child while doing it and I lost it. I smacked him and shouted at him. It was kind of the last straw. Two women passing by stopped and had a go at me, saying I should never treat an animal like that. My husband told them to back off. He later said that he saw the one crying on the other’s shoulder (they looked like grown up mother and daughter) so they were clearly very upset by the incident. If this was YOU, or you know who this was, then I want to say sorry. I’m ashamed at my behaviour. Hoping to get some help for me to deal with my anger and I’ve already booked some specialist dog training to help with that situation.

OP posts:
Patbutcherismyhero · 17/07/2020 21:19

Threads like this make me want to come off MN. There's straight talking which I'm here for, then there is blatant frothing and vicious enjoyment from kicking someone while they're down which is horrid to see.

Some of you really ought to be ashamed.

QuestionableMouse · 17/07/2020 21:20

I smacked my dog the other day. The idiot was trying to chase a rabbit across the road and wasn't listening to me at all. He got a smack on the arse which turned his ears back on and we continued our walk both unharmed.

Though to be fair, I think it hurt my hand more than his arse.

I grew up with horses where physical reprimands are/were more common so as a one off, in challenging circumstances it wouldn't bother me.

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 17/07/2020 21:31

Beating a dog is not a mistake. They aren't compulsory. If you can't handle them or don't love them then you don't have to have one. Owning a pet is a choice and I believe that people who abuse animals are the lowest, most vile pieces of scum, second only to child abusers.

Don't talk like its a choice between letting them fight and beating the dog. You grab it by the collar, fasten the lead and restrain it with one hand, help the child up with the other. It's not difficult. I have two dogs, one of whom is reactive. I've restrained him many a time with the other dog and 3 children in tow. Yes it gives me the rage when he just won't quit and one of the kids is crying or they're squabbling and the other dog is determined to get in the way of the buggy and yet somehow I've never lost it and beaten any of them.

There are no excuses.

Russell19 · 17/07/2020 21:45

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut

Beating a dog is not a mistake. They aren't compulsory. If you can't handle them or don't love them then you don't have to have one. Owning a pet is a choice and I believe that people who abuse animals are the lowest, most vile pieces of scum, second only to child abusers.

Don't talk like its a choice between letting them fight and beating the dog. You grab it by the collar, fasten the lead and restrain it with one hand, help the child up with the other. It's not difficult. I have two dogs, one of whom is reactive. I've restrained him many a time with the other dog and 3 children in tow. Yes it gives me the rage when he just won't quit and one of the kids is crying or they're squabbling and the other dog is determined to get in the way of the buggy and yet somehow I've never lost it and beaten any of them.

There are no excuses.

Yep, totally agree. The people who are saying we should be ashamed of ourselves posting i don't get....
wildone84 · 17/07/2020 21:51

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut

Beating a dog is not a mistake. They aren't compulsory. If you can't handle them or don't love them then you don't have to have one. Owning a pet is a choice and I believe that people who abuse animals are the lowest, most vile pieces of scum, second only to child abusers.

Don't talk like its a choice between letting them fight and beating the dog. You grab it by the collar, fasten the lead and restrain it with one hand, help the child up with the other. It's not difficult. I have two dogs, one of whom is reactive. I've restrained him many a time with the other dog and 3 children in tow. Yes it gives me the rage when he just won't quit and one of the kids is crying or they're squabbling and the other dog is determined to get in the way of the buggy and yet somehow I've never lost it and beaten any of them.

There are no excuses.

Oh wind your neck in.
ToBBQorNotToBBQ · 17/07/2020 21:51

Poor dog. Atleast you know it's wrong what you did. Your husband was rude though they were sticking up for his pet you didn't need anyone to stick up for you as you caused it.

wildone84 · 17/07/2020 21:52

It's ridiculous to compare someone who smacks a dog as a one off, to a child abuser. But you already know that, you're just looking for a reaction.

SquishyBones · 17/07/2020 21:58

Still can’t get over a grown woman crying over this 😂 pissy wet blanket

Macncheeseballs · 17/07/2020 22:05

So you have a stressful job and 2 young kids, why add to the stress with owning dogs? Sometimes you cant have it all

QuestionableMouse · 17/07/2020 22:12

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut

Beating a dog is not a mistake. They aren't compulsory. If you can't handle them or don't love them then you don't have to have one. Owning a pet is a choice and I believe that people who abuse animals are the lowest, most vile pieces of scum, second only to child abusers.

Don't talk like its a choice between letting them fight and beating the dog. You grab it by the collar, fasten the lead and restrain it with one hand, help the child up with the other. It's not difficult. I have two dogs, one of whom is reactive. I've restrained him many a time with the other dog and 3 children in tow. Yes it gives me the rage when he just won't quit and one of the kids is crying or they're squabbling and the other dog is determined to get in the way of the buggy and yet somehow I've never lost it and beaten any of them.

There are no excuses.

Eh life isn't perfect. I doubt I could grab my dog in one hand if he really wanted to be off - he's strong and solid and he'd probably pull me over. I'd also not be bringing a child closer to a reactive dog.
nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 17/07/2020 22:12

I said second only to child abusers. As in child abusers are worse. Do learn to read.

And there is a great deal of difference between a smack and hitting it at least 3 times while screaming at it. Beating an animal is disgusting. Just don't have one. Perhaps I should come to your house and start shouting and thump you at least 3 times and you can tell me that it's no worse than a smack. Or perhaps you should wind your neck in and stop condoning animal abuse, which by the way, is illegal and can carry a custodial sentence as well as fines of up to £20000.

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 17/07/2020 22:15

Then you shouldn't own an animal that you can't control. It's really very simple.

GADDay · 17/07/2020 22:16

Question to the animal abuse brigade.

What would you do? Just stand by and watch your pooch get stuck in?

WhatTheD1ckens · 17/07/2020 22:19

@Patbutcherismyhero

Threads like this make me want to come off MN. There's straight talking which I'm here for, then there is blatant frothing and vicious enjoyment from kicking someone while they're down which is horrid to see.

Some of you really ought to be ashamed.

@Patbutcherismyhero sums it up perfectly 👌🏼
Vdubcampa · 17/07/2020 22:19

Op ignore the pile on. You are suffering and you snapped and you know you know you shouldn’t have. You’re aware. Give your dog and kids some love and get help so you don’t feel this way anymore.

GADDay · 17/07/2020 22:19

FFS - there is a world of difference between a one off smack and beating an animal.

The hysteria and exaggeration on this thread is ridiculous.

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 17/07/2020 22:20

As I said, I would and have, grabbed the dog and hauled him off, put him on the lead he should have been on already and pulled him away. There were two people present, one grabs the kids, the other the dog, you don't have to be made of muscle to overpower a labrador, mines built like a brick shithouse and I can control him.

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 17/07/2020 22:23

it wasn't a smack though was it? OP said herself that she hit him at least 3 times while shouting at him. If someone hit you in the street would you be so quick to go Oh well, she's struggling?

Just fucking control yourself, funny how these people only "lose control" on those weaker than them.

Surviving1 · 17/07/2020 22:38

Perfectly acceptable morally to use moderate force on a dog that is attacking another animal and knocking over a toddler.

I am not a dog person so don't know if it would be an effective tactic, but I do think it is a morally acceptable one.

I think the judgemental, nosy, interfering lady owes you an apology.

HeronLanyon · 17/07/2020 22:40

Well done op for doing something about this. Good luck with finding a therapy.
Not sure quite why some are being so nasty here.
You absolutely did wrong, realise it and are going to work on yourself. Good luck.

AhBallix · 17/07/2020 22:48

I don't get it. OP comes on saying she is ashamed of what she did. Then there's a pile on of rabid posters shrieking that she ... erm let's see ... ought to be ashamed of what she did. Am I missing something here?

Russell19 · 17/07/2020 22:53

This reply has been deleted

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justanotherneighinparadise · 17/07/2020 22:54

I’m going to have to hide this thread as the histrionic drama just make me depressed. OP, look after yourself.

Alexindiamondarmour · 17/07/2020 22:58

@AhBallix
People are agreeing with her that she should be ashamed of herself. We are allowed to agree and tell her yes, her behavior was despicable. What should we do, say, oh no sweetie you were stressed, it’s fine to hit animals. So then OP thinks oh it wasn’t as bad as I thought and then either doesn’t get help for her anger (which she suggested doing) or continues to hit her animals because a whole load of people on MN told her it was ok because she was just having a bad day.
She knows she did something wrong. People are agreeing that yes, it was wrong.

SeahorseSaddle · 17/07/2020 23:00

I absolutely agree that hitting a dog ever is bad and repeatedly in particular is really, really awful.

We all know that what happened was very bad. Sometimes people do do things they really regret and never repeat them again though.
It's great the OP is getting training and help.

What we don't know, unless I missed it in which case sorry, is how old the dog is, how long the OP has had the dog or whether the dog has ever done anything like this before.

Those saying she should have not taken on a dog aggressive dog or should have trained it out of the dog are taking it for granted that this was a known issue.

I have a large dog who was passed to me by someone who I trusted, they told me the dog was perfectly fine with other dogs.
I was careful and didn't take chances on someone else's word but everything was fine for the first few months.

One day my dog suddenly barked and lunged at another dog it had, up till that point, been interacting very happily with - I was not paying close enough attention to prevent it from occurring but was luckily quick enough to grab my dog before it escalated.

Now flowergirl24, we have controlled on the lead walks when there are other dogs around, we have nice loose, long lead walks when we walk in areas/times that other dogs are expected but not within sight.

Recall is super important so we do a lot of maintenance on that because if I don't do it "just because" frequently and not just when it is needed, DDog would forget.

I changed my walk times a little (which I am fortunate enough to be able to do) and DDog gets off lead, crazy bounce about time when I am absolutely sure (ha!) no other dogs are going to pop up, and if they do I can recall and pop the lead on quickly before DDog gets a chance to go bounding over - which is disconcerting in itself purely because of his size and regardless of intent.

I'll not trust DDog with strange dogs off lead or just left to his own devices on the end of the lead now.

However I now know that DDog is fine after being carefully introduced to a particular dog over time which suggests to me that there is anxiety or fear tied up in meeting strange dogs - understandable, I feel the same about people DDog!

Maybe even if people are angry at the OP we could have a few more tips and discussion on how to prevent these situations rather than just "training needed", even if the OP is disingenuous it could be helpful to others - and me! Any other tips gratefully received here!

Incidentally I want Myoldbeans to be my friend now, after their very good post.