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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend and children still in complete lockdown

999 replies

madbirdlady22 · 17/07/2020 08:18

I am getting quite worried about a friend of mine, and wondered if there is something I can or should be doing do to help her.

Since mid March she has been in lockdown with her dh and children, and along the same lines as everyone else stayed in. Back then she would not even take the children for a walk, they stayed at home 247 with shopping delivered. I asked her why not go for a walk, but she said there was no need as they have a garden.

Now we are in mid July, and the children have still not been out. They decided against going back to school in June, and they have not been out anywhere at all since March. I am feeling quite worried now, not just for her, but for the children as well (they are ages 7 and 4) she has not seen any friends or been out of the house at all since the lockdown began.

I suggested the park, she said it was too busy, I mentioned going to the gardens nearby for a picnic with her dc, and she said they couldn't get a ticket, but I know it is possible to get tickets easily. She lives an hour and a half away, so I can't just pop in and check on her, and I feel I should respect her wishes.

She is now saying she doesn't think the children will go back to school in September after all. I am getting very worried about her.

I think/thought her MH is fine, her dh has PTSD at the moment. I am feeling concerned, she has no family nearby and no other support from what I can gather.

They spend all day every day in the house or in the garden.
They are not shielding, are not vulnerable at all and they are all perfectly healthy.

Should I say something? Are other people also doing this? Should I just leave them to it? She has been a friend for 35 years plus and we grew up together.

OP posts:

Coronabegone · 19/07/2020 20:48

BTW 726 new cases and 27 new deaths....hardly frightening!

We will survive this. It will be ok!

mrpumblechook · 19/07/2020 20:49

It’s not a competition and there is a middle ground, other peoples bad parenting does not mean that this scenario is not bad parenting as well.

It isn't a competition but I doubt people would be suggesting that OP should phone her friend's GP or school if they were breaking lockdown and having lots of meet ups as has been suggested on this thread.

mrpumblechook · 19/07/2020 20:52

BTW 726 new cases and 27 new deaths....hardly frightening!

That's after months of lockdown though at great cost to the economy. If people aren't very careful cases and deaths could be far higher than they were in April. We already have one of the worst death rates in the world. There is no room for carelessness or complacency.

PablosHoney · 19/07/2020 20:53

No but they could have called the police at the time if they were of a mind and this thread isn’t about that so it’s just conjecture.

Coronabegone · 19/07/2020 20:56

@PablosHoney WTF?

PablosHoney · 19/07/2020 21:01

I don’t know what you are Wtfing about so I can’t respond.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 19/07/2020 21:02

I’m a SAHM, I get my groceries delivered, I have a big house and a garden. I can stay at home if I want to. The fact that others can’t is not my problem.

I still stand by that's a revolting comment @Raimona it would be your problem if everyone decided to stay at home! And as for saying they chose their jobs, do you think the nurse, the shop worker, the postman, the delivery driver contemplated a pandemic? But of course that's not your problem, because you're ok and that's all that matters to you.

For the record, and despite someone having twice now attributed it to me, the above post is not mine

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 19/07/2020 21:03

@mrpumblechook

It’s not a competition and there is a middle ground, other peoples bad parenting does not mean that this scenario is not bad parenting as well.

Exactly.

Coronabegone · 19/07/2020 21:06

@PablosHoney

I was WTFing about this
*

No but they could have called the police at the time if they were of a mind and this thread isn’t about that so it’s just conjecture.*

Do explain...

PablosHoney · 19/07/2020 21:08

It was a response to @mrpumblechook, and as for ‘do explain’ get out of it 😡.

Raimona · 19/07/2020 21:28

Raimona it would be your problem if everyone decided to stay at home! And as for saying they chose their jobs, do you think the nurse, the shop worker, the postman, the delivery driver contemplated a pandemic?
🤷‍♀️
They don’t have to continue doing those jobs. I was a teacher and I won’t be returning to work because it’s too risky. We’re doing without to manage on DH’s salary until I can find alternative employment. Other people have made a different decision to continue with their current jobs and that’s equally fine. As long as people choose to go to work then I’ll continue to pay for their services and keep them in a job. Or are you suggesting that I should refuse to employ them because it’s “wrong” that they’re going to work when I’m not?

saraclara · 19/07/2020 21:51

@Raimona

Raimona it would be your problem if everyone decided to stay at home! And as for saying they chose their jobs, do you think the nurse, the shop worker, the postman, the delivery driver contemplated a pandemic? 🤷‍♀️ They don’t have to continue doing those jobs. I was a teacher and I won’t be returning to work because it’s too risky. We’re doing without to manage on DH’s salary until I can find alternative employment. Other people have made a different decision to continue with their current jobs and that’s equally fine. As long as people choose to go to work then I’ll continue to pay for their services and keep them in a job. Or are you suggesting that I should refuse to employ them because it’s “wrong” that they’re going to work when I’m not?

Do you have children of school age Raimona?

If so how do you think they'll feel about returning to school when their mother thinks it's too dangerous for her to return to?

ChavvySexPond · 19/07/2020 23:32

@Coronabegone

BTW 726 new cases and 27 new deaths....hardly frightening!

We will survive this. It will be ok!

Those kinds of numbers demonstrate that lockdowns work and that people staying at home much as they can is the best way to protect everybody.

Just as it took from March to June for infections and deaths to slow right down, it will take a similar amount of time for the virus to build up a head if steam again.

But it will.

The shielding advice is described as "being paused" for a reason.

Raimona · 19/07/2020 23:35

Do you have children of school age Raimona?
Nope. I don’t think schools should be going back tbh. Primary is less of an issue with one teacher to a class. But secondary is a nightmare - each class having a dozen teachers, each teacher having hundreds of pupils, teens who socialise in the evening without parental supervision and think it’s funny to purposely cough at you - no thanks. I don’t decide government policy but I do decide what risk I’m personally willing to take, and that’s beyond what I deem acceptable.

Timeforredwine · 19/07/2020 23:58

I dont think it would hurt to ask but in my case we are more or less doing as your friend and literally only just starting to think what we might do in terms of leaving the house. Tbh I'm fed up with people acting as though suddenly because of a given date that it's fine just because the gov have given "permission" to open up life again. I think its upto individuals what they do or dont do.

ineedaholidaynow · 20/07/2020 00:11

Do you have children @Timeforredwine?

cabingirl · 20/07/2020 00:58

We are in the USA but our schools are not going back full-time in Sept. We have been given the choice of 100 distance learning which will be run by a teacher from our regular school or a hybrid week of 2 days in school and 3 days at home distance learning. This is so that they can reduce class numbers down to under 10 per classroom so that desks can be 6 feet apart. Masks will be worn any time they are not at their desk. And it's going to be like this until January.

We are also mainly observing the social distancing and lockdown protocals since March - we have a lot of land so being outside and walking is easy. DH does all the shopping. I've not been to any public spaces since March - but we have seen a few close family members.

I'm surprised that schools in the UK are planning to open up as normal in Sept - no specific measures at all?

Hoggleludo · 20/07/2020 06:14

@cabingirl that's the uk for you!

Pleasenodont · 20/07/2020 06:18

Haven’t RTFT because it’s 38 pages long but we haven’t rushed back to normality either. I am heavily pregnant (due today in fact) so I guess that has clouded my judgement a great deal but my DC don’t appear to be depressed or struggling. It’s only a few months of everyone’s lives after all, we will all get past this and your friend has a garden so they’re getting outside at least.

Bluesheep8 · 20/07/2020 06:43

Every individual has a right to evaluate their own risk and behave accordingly. Just because the government says we can do something doesn't mean we have to.
I was never shielding and adhered to the rules throughout lockdown. I do go shopping and out for walks. I'm still doing that because for me it feels like the right thing to do.

Coronabegone · 20/07/2020 06:50

They don’t have to continue doing those jobs. I was a teacher and I won’t be returning to work because it’s too risky. We’re doing without to manage on DH’s salary until I can find alternative employment

This really isn't an option for lots of people! Imagine if everyone just gave up their jobs!

Bluesheep8 · 20/07/2020 07:02

And thankfully my employer is insisting that we continue to WFH. But if they wanted us to return then I would have to, I wouldn't have a choice.

PablosHoney · 20/07/2020 07:22

Oh yes the U.K. should definitely take lessons from the US 😂😂

BackInTime · 20/07/2020 08:53

Not wanting to go out just because you don't fancy it or because it's how you normally lived pre lockdown is probably no big deal. However if you are avoiding going outside or taking your kids out to do some of the things that you might've usually done pre lockdown then you have to consider whether your actions are proportional and if this is healthy for you and your family. Why would you want your children to fear of the outside world and risk damaging their development and MH?

Alex50 · 20/07/2020 08:54

But when will it be safe to leave your house, one, two years, when there’s a vaccine? Are you going to sit at home worrying about Covid and do nothing else?

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