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Original poster

Friend and children still in complete lockdown

999 replies

madbirdlady22 · 17/07/2020 08:18

I am getting quite worried about a friend of mine, and wondered if there is something I can or should be doing do to help her.

Since mid March she has been in lockdown with her dh and children, and along the same lines as everyone else stayed in. Back then she would not even take the children for a walk, they stayed at home 247 with shopping delivered. I asked her why not go for a walk, but she said there was no need as they have a garden.

Now we are in mid July, and the children have still not been out. They decided against going back to school in June, and they have not been out anywhere at all since March. I am feeling quite worried now, not just for her, but for the children as well (they are ages 7 and 4) she has not seen any friends or been out of the house at all since the lockdown began.

I suggested the park, she said it was too busy, I mentioned going to the gardens nearby for a picnic with her dc, and she said they couldn't get a ticket, but I know it is possible to get tickets easily. She lives an hour and a half away, so I can't just pop in and check on her, and I feel I should respect her wishes.

She is now saying she doesn't think the children will go back to school in September after all. I am getting very worried about her.

I think/thought her MH is fine, her dh has PTSD at the moment. I am feeling concerned, she has no family nearby and no other support from what I can gather.

They spend all day every day in the house or in the garden.
They are not shielding, are not vulnerable at all and they are all perfectly healthy.

Should I say something? Are other people also doing this? Should I just leave them to it? She has been a friend for 35 years plus and we grew up together.

OP posts:
Coronabegone · 19/07/2020 19:24

Sorry posted too soon......

But batshitcrazy!!!!!

Alex50 · 19/07/2020 19:26

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras i’m to busy living my life to worry about what ifs, I can’t live my life like that, for me or my family. I get great joy out of every day even when it was lockdown. Now the sun is shining, we have had friends round for lunch in the garden, i’ve been out walking my dogs, riding my horse, organising our holiday, so much to look forward to Smile

Alex50 · 19/07/2020 19:27

Sorry I meant @Coronabegone

Coronabegone · 19/07/2020 19:30

@Alex50 I don't understand your post !!

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 19/07/2020 19:33

[quote Alex50]@Hearhoovesthinkzebras i’m to busy living my life to worry about what ifs, I can’t live my life like that, for me or my family. I get great joy out of every day even when it was lockdown. Now the sun is shining, we have had friends round for lunch in the garden, i’ve been out walking my dogs, riding my horse, organising our holiday, so much to look forward to Smile[/quote]
Well, that's up to you isn't it?

You disagree with the "wait and see" approach others are employing because they prefer to be more cautious. Others disagree with the approach you are taking. I daresay you wouldn't welcome friends turning up.on your doorstep to attack you for your approach? Everyone is different. People have different approaches to life in general, some are risk averse and plan for everything, others are more "live for today" and hope that tomorrow will take care of itself. Different strokes.

Alex50 · 19/07/2020 19:36

Sorry it was to both of you. There are so many illnesses you could sit at home and worry but life is to short to live like that. I don’t know one person who has Covid recently, we haven’t had any new cases for 2 weeks, no deaths for 2 weeks. You could always say what if this and that happened, if you want to live like that than carry on, I on the other hand and my family are going to enjoy every minute. what’s the point of living if all you do is worry about dying.

ineedaholidaynow · 19/07/2020 19:43

@Coronabegone I was asking what @Hearhoovesthinkzebras considers to be abuse as she said she would do something if she thought the children were being abused. Many people only think about sexual abuse and violence when thinking about abuse, but within Safeguarding there are many other forms of abuse

SecondStarFromTheRight · 19/07/2020 19:48

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras You seem to have latched onto this idea of people turning up on doorsteps and attacking their way of life. This was never suggested by the OP on this thread. You're railing against something which was never going to happen!

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 19/07/2020 19:54

[quote ineedaholidaynow]**@Coronabegone* I was asking what @Hearhoovesthinkzebras* considers to be abuse as she said she would do something if she thought the children were being abused. Many people only think about sexual abuse and violence when thinking about abuse, but within Safeguarding there are many other forms of abuse[/quote]
The definition is clearly going to be extremely wide.

Yes, never allowing a child to go outside or mix with other people could be considered abusive.

But then so could shouting at children or being emotionally abusive - but no one would accuse a parent of raising their voices occasionally or sitting them in time out abuse would they because it's a case of scale and proportion.

The whole country has been in lockdown for three months and it's gradually been eased over the past month or so. Schools aren't open for everyone, many businesses aren't back to normal, restrictions are still in place for lots of things, hospitals and GPS not back to normal, social distancing still in place, restrictions on socialising etc. Not rushing out to meet up with friends within the few weeks that it's been possible is not proof of abuse.

If op truly believes the children are being abused then she should phone SS or NSPCC for advice. I wonder what their view would be on this?

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 19/07/2020 19:56

[quote SecondStarFromTheRight]@Hearhoovesthinkzebras You seem to have latched onto this idea of people turning up on doorsteps and attacking their way of life. This was never suggested by the OP on this thread. You're railing against something which was never going to happen![/quote]
That's been suggested by many of the posters on this thread and op has been pushing for the friend to meet up. Friends are allowed to decline meet ups, even to end friendships, aren't they?

SecondStarFromTheRight · 19/07/2020 19:58

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras And for the duration of lockdown, even at it's strictest, we have been allowed outside. This was not just about meeting people, it was about leaving the house.

Nicknacky · 19/07/2020 19:59

I think it was suggested by two or three posters. Not “many”.

SecondStarFromTheRight · 19/07/2020 20:01

@Nicknacky

I think it was suggested by two or three posters. Not “many”.
Yes! And importantly, the OP at no point said she was going to do it.
Coronabegone · 19/07/2020 20:04

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras please stop @ me!! You call me a bully, but completely tag me, follow me, stalk me,,,... please stop!

Hoggleludo · 19/07/2020 20:05

I actually think this post has to stop now

Poor @Hearhoovesthinkzebras and @maxdash It's becoming over the top. Being ganged Up on.

Sailingblue · 19/07/2020 20:07

I agree it’s not abusive at the moment but it does risk tipping into something quite unhealthy. There have been other threads on here where people (not shielding) wouldn’t send children back to school, I’ve seen posts on social media showing excessive anxiety about starting school again etc. It would be very easy for some people to tip into behaviour that could be damaging for their DCs if it continues much longer.

There will be some children who haven’t left their houses who will have been provided with brilliant activities, parental attention, physical play etc. There will be others who have been stuck in front of a screen all day with limited opportunities for learning and interaction. It’s that last group that have the most to lose and I’d hope if they don’t return to school in September there would be some sort of intervention.

Hoggleludo · 19/07/2020 20:08

I'm shielding. I go outside loads! But we've a huge garden. We've got over 4 acres. We've sat with the neighbours and had a bbq! We've had a great time. We also live right in the forest and go out for walks. Apart from the neighbours though. We've not seen many. People are still dubious and rightly so.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 19/07/2020 20:09

[quote Coronabegone]@Hearhoovesthinkzebras please stop @ me!! You call me a bully, but completely tag me, follow me, stalk me,,,... please stop!

[/quote]
I have not @ you once. Not even when you quoted an entire post of mine, after telling me not to respond to you. I have not once @ you.

PablosHoney · 19/07/2020 20:09

Those poor kids.

OverTheRainbow88 · 19/07/2020 20:10

Not everyone shielding has 4 acres of land and live near a forest!

PablosHoney · 19/07/2020 20:11

But the people this thread is about aren’t shielding in any event

Coronabegone · 19/07/2020 20:11

@Hoggleludo how about @Hearhoovesthinkzebras interacting with me! Calling me a bully, then again interacting with me when I'm "talking" to another poster! Is that ok??

She is not a victim, she's just goady and then laying the "victim"!

I've asked her to stop, she just won't!

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 19/07/2020 20:12

@PablosHoney

But the people this thread is about aren’t shielding in any event
How do you know that?
PablosHoney · 19/07/2020 20:13

I’m going by the OP not random suppositions

PablosHoney · 19/07/2020 20:13

Hooves has form for it to be fair.