Friend and children still in complete lockdown

[madbirdlady22]

I am getting quite worried about a friend of mine, and wondered if there is something I can or should be doing do to help her.

Since mid March she has been in lockdown with her dh and children, and along the same lines as everyone else stayed in. Back then she would not even take the children for a walk, they stayed at home 247 with shopping delivered. I asked her why not go for a walk, but she said there was no need as they have a garden.

Now we are in mid July, and the children have still not been out. They decided against going back to school in June, and they have not been out anywhere at all since March. I am feeling quite worried now, not just for her, but for the children as well (they are ages 7 and 4) she has not seen any friends or been out of the house at all since the lockdown began.

I suggested the park, she said it was too busy, I mentioned going to the gardens nearby for a picnic with her dc, and she said they couldn't get a ticket, but I know it is possible to get tickets easily. She lives an hour and a half away, so I can't just pop in and check on her, and I feel I should respect her wishes.

She is now saying she doesn't think the children will go back to school in September after all. I am getting very worried about her.

I think/thought her MH is fine, her dh has PTSD at the moment. I am feeling concerned, she has no family nearby and no other support from what I can gather.

They spend all day every day in the house or in the garden.
They are not shielding, are not vulnerable at all and they are all perfectly healthy.

Should I say something? Are other people also doing this? Should I just leave them to it? She has been a friend for 35 years plus and we grew up together.

[quote Coronabegone]**@Hoggleludo* how about @Hearhoovesthinkzebras* interacting with me! Calling me a bully, then again interacting with me when I'm "talking" to another poster! Is that ok??

She is not a victim, she's just goady and then laying the "victim"!

I've asked her to stop, she just won't! [/quote]
I have not interacted with you.

You are having a go at me for a post written by @ineedaholidaynow at 19.43. it was her that tagged you, not me.

You've now tagged me twice more and quoted an entire post of mine since telling me not to interact with you in any way. Check back and you will see that you are mistaken and that I haven't tagged you in any post.

@Coronabegone to be fair. I only read to about no 600 or so. I didn't see your two interactions. So cannot comment. I'm just saying what I saw at the first half of the thread.

Coronabegone
@Hearhoovesthinkzebras please stop @ me!! You call me a bully, but completely tag me, follow me, stalk me,,,... please stop!
*
*
I have not @ you once. Not even when you quoted an entire post of mine, after telling me not to respond to you. I have not once @ you.*

Apart from

*Coronabegone
I’m a SAHM, I get my groceries delivered, I have a big house and a garden. I can stay at home if I want to. The fact that others can’t is not my problem.

I still stand by that's a revolting comment @Raimona* it would be your problem if everyone decided to stay at home! And as for saying they chose their jobs, do you think the nurse, the shop worker, the postman, the delivery driver contemplated a pandemic? But of course that's not your problem, because you're ok and that's all that matters to you.

Awful attitude* 

Whatever..

Hooves has form for it to be fair

Feck me doesn't she!!!

@PablosHoney

I’m going by the OP not random suppositions

I just think people should be cautious and not assume that they have the full picture. Just because her friend hasn't told her they are shielding doesn't mean they aren't shielding, op has just assumed it.

All op really knows is that the friend has put off seeing her as lockdown eases.

Let's not have the secret shielding debate again. The OP has spoken to her friend and the children are excited about a garden meet up. I would really hope that everyone would agree this is a good outcome.

This is a chat forum, responding to the situation as it is laid out is more than fair. What is the need for caution if you don’t know the person being worried about in any event..

I’d be worried too OP, It’s poor parenting to pass on your anxieties and to keep children locked down like that is distressing.

There’s always some ‘secret’ to fit people’s narrative and it’s just bizarre.

It’s not just about the OP’s friend though. There are families up and down the country (including posters on this thread) that are not stepping over the front door. That is an issue.

I spent today with my family at Loch Lomond Shores which is a fair drive from my house. We went on a pedalo, played crazy golf and then went for dinner. It’s the first time all of us have had a family day out in months. The kids (and us) loved it. We didn’t “need” to go out but it was good for all of us.

@SecondStarFromTheRight absolutely

I mean as far as the OP goes. Her question has been answered

The rest is squabbling.

Damn!

Not sure why this keeps happening.

Sorry peeps. Seems to keep happening with my posts!

@Coronabegone

*Coronabegone *@Hearhoovesthinkzebras** please stop @ me!! You call me a bully, but completely tag me, follow me, stalk me,,,... please stop! * * I have not @ you once. Not even when you quoted an entire post of mine, after telling me not to respond to you. I have not once @ you.*

Apart from

*Coronabegone
I’m a SAHM, I get my groceries delivered, I have a big house and a garden. I can stay at home if I want to. The fact that others can’t is not my problem.

I still stand by that's a revolting comment *@Raimona** it would be your problem if everyone decided to stay at home! And as for saying they chose their jobs, do you think the nurse, the shop worker, the postman, the delivery driver contemplated a pandemic? But of course that's not your problem, because you're ok and that's all that matters to you.

Awful attitude* 

Whatever..

That post isn't me.

I'm sorry. You're attacking me for supposedly @ you (which I have not done even once) and you are constantly @ me to have a go at me for something that I haven't done.

I have not @ you.

As soon as you told me to stop responding to you, I did. I even ignored you fully quoting my post (after telling me to stop interacting with you).

You then proceeded to @ me and attack me for apparently @ing you. Which I didn't do. You've made a mistake, it was another poster who @ you as I've explained.

@Nicknacky

Carpetdweller But do these families never step out of their front door in 4+ months? That’s what we are discussing here.

That's why I said it was slightly off topic.

I just meant that there are plenty of children who have parents who never take them out to explore the world, go on trips, outings and walks. The children go out to school and to play, but aren't doing things with their parents. Probably a discussion for another time!

@Nicknacky I agree, this thread has been an eye-opener that there are more families out there like OPs friend which is possibly worrying, but I think this thread has gone round and round in circles. I'm hoping those other families have someone looking out for them too in case lockdown restrictions come back and things get harder to come out of.

It is a scary thought, how many people without support are too scared to go out too.

So who is being more negligent - parents who are being very cautious or parents who were breaking lockdown and have been meeting up with lots of people throughout?

There are going to be different opinions on this depending on your circumstances. I wonder what the "official" view is? Of parents were reported to SS for not taking their children out for walks but we're playing in the garden what would happen? Would SS view it as abuse?

This is why schools have been trying to get vulnerable children into school. Also why many schools have been doing welfare checks for all families. But there were many threads on here from PP thinking it was intrusive, but as this thread shows those phone calls needed to be made to families that previously hadn’t been on the radar.

In answer to the OPs question I know many family's who haven't been out since March, or only when necessary.

I think it's each persons decision to make how much risk they are prepared to take with their family's health.

You don't hear much about it but I suspect many children are thriving in lockdown because of the lower stress and lower stimuli, and more time with their family.

It’s not a competition and there is a middle ground, other peoples bad parenting does not mean that this scenario is not bad parenting as well.

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras

So who is being more negligent - parents who are being very cautious or parents who were breaking lockdown and have been meeting up with lots of people throughout?

There is a middle ground. So some parents have chosen not to send their kids back to school but will take their kids out on day trips and socially distanced playground trips.

Others have chosen to send their kids back to school and followed all the other guidelines.

I wouldn’t risk my children’s mental health by keeping them at home without even the chance of a walk, that is not healthy.

Coronabegone
Coronabegone
@Hearhoovesthinkzebras please stop @ me!! You call me a bully, but completely tag me, follow me, stalk me,,,... please stop!

*
I have not @ you once. Not even when you quoted an entire post of mine, after telling me not to respond to you. I have not once @ you.*

Apart from

Coronabegone
I’m a SAHM, I get my groceries delivered, I have a big house and a garden. I can stay at home if I want to. The fact that others can’t is not my problem.

I still stand by that's a revolting comment @Raimona it would be your problem if everyone decided to stay at home! And as for saying they chose their jobs, do you think the nurse, the shop worker, the postman, the delivery driver contemplated a pandemic? But of course that's not your problem, because you're ok and that's all that matters to you.

So by your own admission you have .... fucking genius ... leave me alone @Hearhoovesthinkzebras !!

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras

So who is being more negligent - parents who are being very cautious or parents who were breaking lockdown and have been meeting up with lots of people throughout?

There are going to be different opinions on this depending on your circumstances. I wonder what the "official" view is? Of parents were reported to SS for not taking their children out for walks but we're playing in the garden what would happen? Would SS view it as abuse?

Has anyone here suggested that breaking lockdown is/was a good thing? We've been talking about doing the things we're allowed to do, and being concerned for families who even at the most restrictive period of lockdown, didn't do pretty much the only thing they could - take exercise outside their homes.