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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's like the dressing gown of doom, but food-related.....

166 replies

ifhedoesntlikeithecanstuffit · 15/07/2020 20:22

Does anyone else have this?

DH works FT, I work PT mainly from home, and I look after the children pretty much full time. He is useless in the kitchen and only feeds them if I've sorted it all out beforehand. He does pull his weight in other areas but it's always been a bit of a bone of contention.

What really annoys me though, is when he's not keen on what I feed him. He likes meat and veg with gravy, and isn't big on pasta or rice although he'll eat it. He thinks mince isn't proper meat, and wouldn't think a vegetarian meal was enough for a working man.

Quite often - whether I've made something that hasn't worked out, whether it's something he finds too 'dry' or whether in desperation I've fed him chicken nuggets along with the kids (once!) - he has a tendency to let me know he's not enjoying it. This always makes me cross, in a 'feed yourself then you ungrateful git' sort of way - so now he just sits there with this looong face, and eats very slowly without speaking! It really is the knife and fork of doom!

Tonight he didn't fancy the pasta dish I'd planned so opted for some leftover cottage pie from the fridge (yes - mince....Shock). I did veg and gravy so thought it would be OK, but it turned out there wasn't enough potato! (It's true, most of the mash had been eaten and it was quite meat-heavy).

So we all sat there throughout the meal while he stayed silent, and acted as though he was eating gruel. I could tell what was coming so left them to it and went off - DD told me later that he is sitting watching TV moaning about it all swirling around in his stomach...Grin!

AIBU? Does anyone else get the cutlery of doom?

OP posts:
BluebellForest836 · 15/07/2020 20:25

Tell him to make himself something to eat then and stop cooking for him.

isseywith4vampirecats · 15/07/2020 20:26

No im lucky whatever i cook my other half will happily eat it and the few times dinner isnt perfect or edible he will still eat it and we both go wont cook that again but he never moans about the food in front of him and if i do cook him something he really dosent like he will politely ask me not to do that food again

OchonAgusOchonO · 15/07/2020 20:27

No. Because dh would never be that disrespectful to me. And if he was, he'd be cooking his own meals.

If I cook something new, I will ask what he thinks and will take his opinion on board, as he will do for me.

MerryMarigold · 15/07/2020 20:28

No, I don't. He needs a dose of gratitude and some cooking lessons. Seriously, is have a chat with him or of the curvy if the meal and tell him you find it rude and hurtful. I'd also say you'd like him to start cooking at weekends so he can be a bit more empathetic of how hard it is, and also he can cook what he likes to eat.

labyrinthloafer · 15/07/2020 20:31

Just split the cooking. Seriously, it is not your job.

InfiniteSheldon · 15/07/2020 20:31

Mine used to look at the meal and if he thought it wasn't manly enough make a sad effort at a cheese sandwich and alternate bites between said sandwich and sad meal. After a strongly worded offering he stopped that and now eats everything or buys takeaway on lieu of cooking dinners as he hates it. We did compromise on weekend breakfasts he always cooks them and he's made almost every cup of tea I've drunk since I met him.

FizzyPink · 15/07/2020 20:32

Oh yes my DP is like this. He wouldn’t dare complain but I can tell when he doesn’t like something because it takes him forever to eat and he’ll just pick at it.
He’s just not into food like I am and would prefer to eat nuggets and chips every night rather than the healthy balanced meal with vegetables I’ve made. However, he cannot cook so tough shit, he eats what I make.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/07/2020 20:33

I couldn’t live like this. Absolutely pathetic. Ungrateful, disrespectful, rude, childish and an awful example for your children. I’d stop cooking for him at all. Or when you do cook, if you’re happy to always have to feed everyone for every single meal, give him toast or cereal.

And wtf with the “working man” bollocks? Has he never met a vegetarian man who has a job?

Nottherealslimshady · 15/07/2020 20:34

Jeez I'd just stop cooking for him!

TheSpottedZebra · 15/07/2020 20:35

But he soldiered on and ate it all! Truly, he is valiant and brave.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/07/2020 20:37

This dude is a vegan. Just saying.

It's like the dressing gown of doom, but food-related.....
Bargebill19 · 15/07/2020 20:38

I did have a similar DH. He never liked whatever I cooked. So one day I said he could do all the cooking for himself and I would happily sort myself out......
He spent a long year eating tomatoes on toast, then learnt to cook exactly what I used to make, same ingredients/recipes. He now does all our cooking and shopping.
I just have the washing up. It took awhile but I think I won.

Sexnotgender · 15/07/2020 20:39

@OchonAgusOchonO

No. Because dh would never be that disrespectful to me. And if he was, he'd be cooking his own meals.

If I cook something new, I will ask what he thinks and will take his opinion on board, as he will do for me.

Pretty much us.

Because I married an adult not a toddler.

TW2013 · 15/07/2020 20:40

Dh has learnt that that sort of behaviour leads to 'ah well maybe you can cook something for everyone tomorrow' comments so it is best avoided. During lockdown as everyone is around I often will ask if anyone has 'any suggestions on what to eat tonight' always resounding silence so I cook whatever I fancy cooking and any comments are met with 'well no one had any other suggestions, I did ask'.

WorraLiberty · 15/07/2020 20:41

He's only 'useless' in the kitchen because he chooses not to learn to be otherwise.

Not only does he choose not to learn and to leave it all to you instead, he's then incredibly rude about the food you make him?

Sorry I can see your OP is meant to be lighthearted but honestly, I couldn't raise a smile about anyone being treated like that.

RomaineCalm · 15/07/2020 20:42

Because dh would never be that disrespectful to me. And if he was, he'd be cooking his own meals.

This.

Occasionally I make meals that either don't work out quite right or aren't great but no one complains. DH or DC might say that it's 'not their favourite' which is code for 'please don't try that recipe again' but generally we eat a mix of things that everyone likes.

In your position I'd make him a cheese sandwich every single night until he decided to show you more respect and/or start cooking a couple of nights a week.

Letthemysterybe · 15/07/2020 20:42

Yikes I would not put up with that! Luckily my DH likes the food that I cook and is always very grateful. If he made a fuss I’d definitely stop cooking for him!! I am subjected to the dressing gown of doom though .....

backseatcookers · 15/07/2020 20:42

No. Because dh would never be that disrespectful to me. And if he was, he'd be cooking his own meals.

This. Fuck me, what a rude eejit he sounds.

4catsonabed · 15/07/2020 20:44

“The cutlery of doom” Grin

Well at least you have a sense of humour OP. God knows, you need it.

Seriously though, what is all this “meat and potato and gravy” for the working man business? Is he literally down t’ pit? Didn’t all that die out in the 70s . I’m losing the will to live just thinking about it and all that’s involved.

Would he not rather have a curry? Or a tagine? Or a Pad Thai? Just anything that doesn’t resemble school dinners of the 70s.

I don’t mean to insult your cooking by the way. You must be amazing to make meat, gravy and potato interesting night after night after night ...., I would go insane.

LockdownLump · 15/07/2020 20:46

Not sure why you've put laughing face emoji's at the end of your post.

Tell the ungrateful manbaby to make his own tea in future.

PragmaticWench · 15/07/2020 20:46

Goodness, he was brought up badly! I can't believe he's so rude and childish.

If you genuinely don't like something that someone else has cooked then you discuss it like an adult. His behaviour would make me less likely to view him as a adult I'd want to spend time with...or sleep with!

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/07/2020 20:46

If you were ill or had to go away how would he feed himself and the DC?

Picklypickles · 15/07/2020 20:47

My oh doesn't cook, doesn't do any meal planning either, he would happily live on frozen pizzas/chips or those ready-prepared supermarket meals if we could afford to live that way.

He would never have the nerve to be rude about my cooking, but I can tell when he doesn't really like it because I'll catch him looking suspiciously at it and poking it around his plate for a while before telling me its very nice but he's not very hungry.

The thing he does that really winds me up is to make "helpful suggestions" on how I can improve a certain dish after I've made it and he's eaten it. Because he watches Gordon Ramsey now and again he seems to think he could be a contestant on Masterchef.

Titsywoo · 15/07/2020 20:47

I'd tell him where to go personally. In our house everyone cooks their own stuff mainly. I often cook for me and DS as we are not fussy bastards like DH and DD but apart from that we all do our own stuff except when we have a roast together on Sunday. You don't have to cook for him - surely he is a big boy now and knows how to use the oven?

fuckoffImcounting · 15/07/2020 20:48

Disrespectful much! He is acting like you are his mum and he is seven, thereby rendering himself entirely unfuckable. Make him cook half the meals, the lazy arsewipe.

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