It's like the dressing gown of doom, but food-related.....

[ifhedoesntlikeithecanstuffit]

Does anyone else have this?

DH works FT, I work PT mainly from home, and I look after the children pretty much full time. He is useless in the kitchen and only feeds them if I've sorted it all out beforehand. He does pull his weight in other areas but it's always been a bit of a bone of contention.

What really annoys me though, is when he's not keen on what I feed him. He likes meat and veg with gravy, and isn't big on pasta or rice although he'll eat it. He thinks mince isn't proper meat, and wouldn't think a vegetarian meal was enough for a working man.

Quite often - whether I've made something that hasn't worked out, whether it's something he finds too 'dry' or whether in desperation I've fed him chicken nuggets along with the kids (once!) - he has a tendency to let me know he's not enjoying it. This always makes me cross, in a 'feed yourself then you ungrateful git' sort of way - so now he just sits there with this looong face, and eats very slowly without speaking! It really is the knife and fork of doom!

Tonight he didn't fancy the pasta dish I'd planned so opted for some leftover cottage pie from the fridge (yes - mince....). I did veg and gravy so thought it would be OK, but it turned out there wasn't enough potato! (It's true, most of the mash had been eaten and it was quite meat-heavy).

So we all sat there throughout the meal while he stayed silent, and acted as though he was eating gruel. I could tell what was coming so left them to it and went off - DD told me later that he is sitting watching TV moaning about it all swirling around in his stomach...!

AIBU? Does anyone else get the cutlery of doom?

A few questions:

• How old are your children?
• How many hours do you work a week?
• How many hours does your H work a week?

Of course HIBVVU in being so f#@#£g rude, but the more interesting question (which slightly depends on your answers to the questions above) is why you are letting him get away with not pulling his weight.

Assuming an 8 hour working day, he works 40 hours per week.

Assuming you work half that and do the bulk of cleaning/meal prep:

• You work 20 hours per week.
• You do 14 hours childcare a day (assuming kids sleep 10 hours), so 98 hours per week.
• You probably do 2-3 hours of housework/cooking/meal prep a day on average so (on the lower estimate) 14 hours a week.

Slight discrepancy, no?

WorraLiberty

"Sorry I can see your OP is meant to be lighthearted but honestly, I couldn't raise a smile about anyone being treated like that."

This. It's not even slightly funny. Your DH is an absolute dinosaur and you need to read him the riot act.

Yep another one annoyed for you and not finding funny. You seem almost anxious about his response to what you've cooked, when he should be the one who should be bloody grateful. Does he at least wash up?

is your DH 5?

I'd just tell the cheeky shithouse to cook for himself and crack on for you and the kids.

Dickheadery like this belongs in the 1950's.

I've had a complainer apparently "couldn't cook" was back living with mummy and she still cooked for him he wouod eat every type of trash going literally go to Morriston and buy up all the dried up Hot food and eat that but give him vegetables!! End of the fucking world! He said his dad forbade his mom to force healthy food on the kids she ended up cooking five different meals for the children and her husband couldn't understand my perspective of making the same basic meal for all just adapting parts to suit (I'm gluten free dd likes extra veg ds really doesn't etc but its basically the same meal)

We didn't last

Well, DH cooks 99% of the dinners in this house and I've never behaved like that because I'm not a fucking arsehole and I'm grateful that he feeds me as I don't enjoy cooking and he does.

On the rare occasion that I don't like what he's made I eat it, say thank you and might mention later that it wasn't my favourite and he'd probably agree.

I'd never ever be so rude as to push food around my plate like a teenager with a sulky face 😲

I think if I were the OP I'd have stopped cooking for him entirely a loooong time ago.

Meat and veg with gravy for the "working man"? Have we just stepped back into the 1950's ?

He sulked because there wasn't enough potato?

Tbh if I was cooking for me & the kids & he didn't fancy it-as opposed to it being something he didn't like, then I'd expect him to cook his own meal.

I wouldn't be cooking for him anymore, ungrateful arse

I don't cook for my DP anymore now my daughter has left home. The way his family are about food has rubbed of on him there is always some criticism about the meal. It has to be perfect. Very meticulous about how things are cooked. Always undercooked / overcooked/ too spicy ETC ETC. Drove me mad, could never say something was nice. Although I don't think he could help himself. Also wanted meat at every meal, didn't try different things, didn't like cheese and would hardly eat any vegetables. So I cook my own healthy food which I love and really enjoy doing. Mother in law not happy with me though and our food bill is pretty high!!

What a rude man (child). My kids grew out of that petulant behaviour by the time they were around 10. I would not cook for the ungrateful sod anymore if I were you.

He sounds like my nearly 3-year-old , ridiculous in a grown adult. Either he eats what's on the table or he cooks himself something. Just because he's fussy doesn't mean the whole family should eat food hd likes.

@PintOfBovril

I made an absolutely atrocious meal tonight. It was so hot with chilli I felt lightheaded. DH (who really does not do hot food) ate the lot: sweating, eyes slightly watering and red in the face. Said thank you that was delicious. Then he washed up. Tell your man-child to get a grip.

Your DH is a hero!

Why are you doing all the childcare as well as cooking?

What kind of example do you think he's setting the DC?

@Astressie does DH regret behaving that way?

My ex was not dissimilar. He would complain that we didn’t eat enough vegetarian food but apparently, as a man, he “needed meat”. He said I cooked too much stodgy food but apparently a salad wouldn’t be filling enough for him. He would bang on about how we never had soup, which he professed to love but, again, it wasn’t enough for “a man that needs more energy than a woman”.

I got my own back in the end, though. One evening he whinged and whined that I had planned soup that night. I cooked the stodgiest soup I could manage - I stirred mashed potato through his to thicken it and made sure that most of the extra roast vegetables and big chunks of meat ended up in his bowl. I piled his plate high with thick doorstops of bread.

He couldn’t finish it and never complained about soup again. But he never stopped complaining about the other stuff and, thankfully I don’t have to deal with his crap anymore!

My husband won't eat most veg but if I make it he'll eat the rest without making a huge fuss about it. If he's still hungry later he'll get a snack and might even offer to get me one. That's just life.

My DH and I both cook, he is the better cook than me, but never ever complains on the rare occasion that I may have creamated dinner. I apologise and he will say, don’t worry I appreciate that you cooked and we have a laugh. His main mistake is always he has no concept of how to control The spicing of a dish with chilli and makes amazing food that will burn your mouth.

But he wouldn’t complain if I messed up beans on toast and had had the day at home watching tv

He's really rude/ a bit of a c*t........however, I was one really irrationally cross because DH had made a horrible curry and I didn't like it. The rage was building up inside of me, I had a cross face, did a lot of huffing and was an absolute cow.

Not condoning his behaviour if it's a one off (like me) but it sounds like a regular thing. Make tea for yourself and the kids and let him fend for himself - it's not the sodding 1950s.

@excuseforfights it's a weird one really. I think he does realise. But just can't help himself. Gave up telling him to just try and say something nice about what I cooked rather than a critique of every meal. I'm pleased I don't have to cook for both of us really it means I can cook food i enjoy and it's healthy:)

This made me lol OP. My dh is the same.

'That's different' is a response to food he doesn't like the look of. I just breezily smile and say 'if you aren't enjoying it, don't eat it, plenty of toast, dinner ding/pot noodles,/sandwich stuff in'.

Mines a builder so always starving after work. Enjoys veg but like meat and potatoes with it as well. He does like stir fry/curry/thai etc but won't entertain pasta with a tomato sauce, pizza you cook at home or any meal that doesn't involve meat.

But he cooks on a Saturday, we have takeaway friday and he will do a cooked breakfast on a weekend. I'm a much better cook so don't mind doing it.

If I get too many 'That's different' faces I chuck a pen and paper at him and tell him to do next weeks meal plan.

if i do cook him something he really dosent like he will politely ask me not to do that food again

My maternal grandfather's idea of being polite in similar circumstances to my aunts* was to pat his mouth with a napkin to conceal his moue of disappointment, to clear his throat and say, "That was very nice girl, but don't cook it again."

*My aunts were excellent cooks and bakers but as he got older he developed quite a restrictive range of flavours and textures that he liked.

My father and paternal grandfather were so used to eating food that was badly prepared/scorched/spoiled that they thought they were living in the land of milk and honey when they ate my mother's cooking. It didn't matter what it was, they always said, "From your hands, one of the finest meals of our times." They always cleaned their plates so well that my mother would say, "Leave the pattern on."

@Astressie

I’m glad for you! So many women feel obliged to pander to their husbands unreasonable demands regarding food.

@AnneLovesGilbert

I couldn’t live like this. Absolutely pathetic. Ungrateful, disrespectful, rude, childish and an awful example for your children. I’d stop cooking for him at all. Or when you do cook, if you’re happy to always have to feed everyone for every single meal, give him toast or cereal.

And wtf with the “working man” bollocks? Has he never met a vegetarian man who has a job?

But the "working man bollocks" is 100% the ops words not his...