It's like the dressing gown of doom, but food-related.....

[ifhedoesntlikeithecanstuffit]

Does anyone else have this?

DH works FT, I work PT mainly from home, and I look after the children pretty much full time. He is useless in the kitchen and only feeds them if I've sorted it all out beforehand. He does pull his weight in other areas but it's always been a bit of a bone of contention.

What really annoys me though, is when he's not keen on what I feed him. He likes meat and veg with gravy, and isn't big on pasta or rice although he'll eat it. He thinks mince isn't proper meat, and wouldn't think a vegetarian meal was enough for a working man.

Quite often - whether I've made something that hasn't worked out, whether it's something he finds too 'dry' or whether in desperation I've fed him chicken nuggets along with the kids (once!) - he has a tendency to let me know he's not enjoying it. This always makes me cross, in a 'feed yourself then you ungrateful git' sort of way - so now he just sits there with this looong face, and eats very slowly without speaking! It really is the knife and fork of doom!

Tonight he didn't fancy the pasta dish I'd planned so opted for some leftover cottage pie from the fridge (yes - mince....). I did veg and gravy so thought it would be OK, but it turned out there wasn't enough potato! (It's true, most of the mash had been eaten and it was quite meat-heavy).

So we all sat there throughout the meal while he stayed silent, and acted as though he was eating gruel. I could tell what was coming so left them to it and went off - DD told me later that he is sitting watching TV moaning about it all swirling around in his stomach...!

AIBU? Does anyone else get the cutlery of doom?

I don't even think my DH can boil an egg. So he gets what I make, if he doesn't like it then tough. He doesn't moan about it, he'll just leave it and make him self a sandwich or something. Not my problem that he won't learn to cook 🤷🏽‍♀️

DP gives me a kiss and happily eats his food even if he tells me he didn't love it. As he should.

That behaviour would mean me not cooking for him. At all for a week. He can learn to cook himself.

I hate when adults can't cook it's pathetic and infantile (unless disability etc ofc)

My DH is the most un fussy person I know !! ... I can make any old shite and he says it's lovely !!!

Fuck, this just makes me hate pathetic, childish, ridiculous men all the more. I had a father who behaved like this and a husband (not a DH!) Please, people, keep telling us about your amazing, mature, kind, helpful men, so that I don’t keep thinking that all men are twats.

Gosh - I wasn't expecting quite this level of 'support'. To be fair we kind of agreed early doors that I would mainly do the house stuff because there was a lot of other building work etc going on to keep him busy. But I still expect him to be less ungrateful!

@airbags - don't worry, DS and DD both know that we are old and nowadays people share cooking and chores etc. DD would never stand for it and DS likes cooking, so we all just laugh at DH.

Well - they do. I'm the one who gets annoyed from time to time..... The cutlery of doom is new - since he's finally learned he gets short shrift if he complains.....

And he does have lots of good points too. He's a great Dad, has lots of skills that I don't, (plus other attractions......)

Oh and DP is vegan and works his 60 hour week just fine 😂 he's perfectly manly enough

Voted YABU because you were unreasonable to marry this spoilt, sexist, 1950s manchild, still more unreasonable to procreate with him, and even more unreasonable not to leave or kill him. MN needs to build a setting that detects and hides these doormat/martyr threads - there are far too many of them and they are just depressing and infuriating in equal measure.

To be fair we kind of agreed early doors that I would mainly do the house stuff because there was a lot of other building work etc going on to keep him busy. But I still expect him to be less ungrateful!

What kind of building work goes on for years?

Sounds like a cop out. Get out of the dynamic that you do everything in the house.

Nothing you’ve posted suggests a great dad.

The fuck?

I'm celebrating because after 40 years together I've finally got my DH to eat a vegetarian meal: Chinese with tofu done in hoisin sauce. He loves it! Ra ra ra.

This is one of the grounds of unreasonable behaviour I recently cited on my divorce petition 🤷🏼‍♀️

OK, so I skipped 3 pages & you all seem to be talking about building houses now so I feel like an idiot.

PS What is the dressing gown of doom?

Might be outing if I detailed exactly what he does, but suffice it say his work can be pretty much 24/7. He's definitely not lazy! I think some PPs are being unfair as I haven't explained it all.

He is home based for a lot of his work so really does pull his weight with the kids (yes he did nappies etc when small) and often takes them with him on some jobs, they love it. He makes breakfasts and fry ups and pancakes and frequently sorts lunch - it's just the main evening meal that he 'can't' do. He'll spend hours doing fun activities with them when I can't be bothered or am working (bike rides, football etc), and I certainly don't feel I work harder than he does.

But the silent face of doom when he doesn't like his meal - that's a whole other matter......

Exdh could be a pain the backside with food....all very meat and two veg and he nearly passed out when I cooked salmon (for myself i hasten to add...no sodding way was ibletting a man who considers pot noodles a solid dinner choice near my perfectly cooked salmon). I sort of suspect he had the working man thing in his head as well (his bloody mother certainly did) but was at least sensible never go voice it.

Dp will eat anything at all given to him and be very appreciative, comes from growing up insanely poor and that noone ever cooked him for a very long time. He even now is often mildly surprised that I have considered him in the food making process.

I would be royally taking the mick out of your dh but also every cutlery of doom incident would result in an automatic 2 week downing of culinary tools.

@ifIwerenotanandroid

OK, so I skipped 3 pages & you all seem to be talking about building houses now so I feel like an idiot.

PS What is the dressing gown of doom?

There was a post a while back about men who wander about in their dressing gowns when they are 'poorly' and give long, deep sighs to indicate how unwell they are and how they can't possibly function until they are better. It was lighthearted. This was (mainly) meant to be too......

This can all be solved with one word:

Shurrupangerritet (In your own dialect, it may be Shutupangettiteeten)

Say it sternly and combine with a 'look'. THE look.

The moaning will soon stop.

@Positivevibesonlyplease I’ve been feeling this a lot recently but to answer your request: my DP regularly cooks delicious meals, tells me I don’t need to wash up as it’s not a chore for him, never leaves the toilet seat up and there’s never piss on the floor, and he’s currently changing my bed as I hate doing it. Ok now I’m just bragging, I promise I also regularly want to murder him!

@ifhedoesntlikeithecanstuffit -Might be outing if I detailed exactly what he does, but suffice it say his work can be pretty much 24/7. He's definitely not lazy! I think some PPs are being unfair as I haven't explained it all. He is home based for a lot of his work

So he's a farmer🤷‍♀️

@Shinyletsbebadguys

Exdh could be a pain the backside with food....all very meat and two veg and he nearly passed out when I cooked salmon (for myself i hasten to add...no sodding way was ibletting a man who considers pot noodles a solid dinner choice near my perfectly cooked salmon). I sort of suspect he had the working man thing in his head as well (his bloody mother certainly did) but was at least sensible never go voice it.

Dp will eat anything at all given to him and be very appreciative, comes from growing up insanely poor and that noone ever cooked him for a very long time. He even now is often mildly surprised that I have considered him in the food making process.

I would be royally taking the mick out of your dh but also every cutlery of doom incident would result in an automatic 2 week downing of culinary tools.

TBF he would never eat a pot noodle!

I'd like to down tools but he would deny it - it's hard to prove someone has sat there with a doom face on, he would probably say 'oh I was just thinking'. But we've been married nearly 20 years, I know the signs......

The royally taking the mick seems a better solution, especially when it's 3 against one..... DD would back me up, although DS is probably oblivious.

My dh does this 😂😂.
I am so much tougher now than I was way back when we first got together though so I call him out on it every time.
The knife and fork of doom 😂 definitely going to laugh next time he does it. Mine does exactly what you describe, eating really slowly and quietly as if he's doing a bushtucker trial. I used to fret and feel bad that he didn't like what I made but now I just say oh you can't taste the arsenic ink it can you?

I was going to say, "What a child you DH is!" but that's not really fair to kids, is it?
What a dick has a better ring to it. His behaviour is unbearable, tbh. What a sulky brat he sounds.

My husband can cook and is good at it but doesn't like it.
He is very grateful for each and every meal.
I would down tools if I was met with any attitude.

I think produce interesting, appealing meals for a family every day, is a massive PITA for a lot of women.

I have found it harder since this Covid business......I have completely lost interest.

@ViciousJackdaw

This can all be solved with one word:

Shurrupangerritet (In your own dialect, it may be Shutupangettiteeten)

Say it sternly and combine with a 'look'. THE look.

The moaning will soon stop.

Love it - the second is probably us.

Trouble is - he has learned to shut up, and he did eat it. He never said a word (apart from much later to DD, which she related with a giggle).

It's just the slow moving cutlery, and the silence, and the long face. A stranger probably wouldn't spot the signs, but I can tell......

Now, now OP. In the best houses, cook visits each morning to discuss that evening’s dishes with the mistress of the house (in your case, the master). Perhaps that is what you should start doing.

Each morning, wearing a mob cap and an unflattering voluminous Edwardian cook’s uniform, visit the master and ask for his approval of that evening’s menu. Write his preferences down carefully in a little notebook. Then spend the day shopping for quail, venison or whatever the master requires for his evening repast. That is what you definitely should do.

@ItsSpittingEverybodyIn

My dh does this 😂😂. I am so much tougher now than I was way back when we first got together though so I call him out on it every time. The knife and fork of doom 😂 definitely going to laugh next time he does it. Mine does exactly what you describe, eating really slowly and quietly as if he's doing a bushtucker trial. I used to fret and feel bad that he didn't like what I made but now I just say oh you can't taste the arsenic ink it can you?

Lol glad it's not just me. I might try that.......